my boyfriends addiction

[clazia]

Hello, I dont know what to do about my boyfriends drug addictions, ive been with him for 6 years and we have been living together for 3 years i love him very much but im finding it extremly hard to trust my boyfriend where drugs are concerned, I only ever found out my boyfriend smoked weed a few months into our relationship and he promised me he would quit because he didnt want to do weed all his life he told me he didnt smoke it that much any way. Now 6 years has passed and its got to a stage where he promises me he doesnt do any drugs anymore but i dont trust him, he goes out to his friends house about 3 nights a week and i know that one of his friends is into weed and pills, thing is ive found weed in my boyfriends things recently along with 2 ecstasy tablets and ive talked to him about it but he just gets angry and tells me its none of my business and i shouldnt be in his things and then he swears and promises to me its not his anyway its someone elses but i dont believe him, i told him to give it back then and never bring drugs into our home again which he agreed but then today ive found weed in his things again! I love him so much but i cant cope with it it knowing he can lie to my face and that he promises things to my face knowing hes gonna go and smoke it as soon as im not around... what can i do?? i dont want to break up with him we have been together so long id be lost without him and he is a good person putting the drugs thing aside i dont know what to do? but its emotionally getting me down.

[RMomJ]

I'm a recoverying addict been clean 3and a half years. My advice watch the t.v. Show intervention talk to professional about drugs get educated. The stuff is no joke. Quit trying to save him and gethelp for your self. If I were you I would figure out what it is about me that I feel I deserve the life a junky can give. Life isn't a story book always with a happy ending drugs and that world showed me that. I would lay down the law tell him what you want. Only do it though when your really ready to follow thru. If he doesn't quit LEAVE HIM.

[Biiby2]

RMom wit great words there but really tough to follow through for someone who loves an addict..

[T0PHeaVey]

A related discussion, Blazin Blowin Drinkn and poppin..Its what i do... now how to i stop? was started.

[JennyGirl800]

I definitely feel your pain. I am in a similar situation of my own. It seems like our boyfriends have some of the same qualities. Mine gets defensive when I confront him, tells me that it's none of my business, gets very angry, and then tells me the conversation is over. I know how hard it is to communicate with someone who just won't give you anything to work with. Right now I'm pretty certain my boyfriend is doing heroin. But he just denies it. He has had problems with pills. This is all so hard for me to deal with because I am so against drugs. They scare me. I have no idea how to get him to confess.

Since I am certain I know the truth I am going to either try telling him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth, or I am going to try to be more understanding and try to coax it out of him by telling him how much I love him and how much this if effecting me. Maybe one of these methods will work for you. I don't know how well they are going to do for me..

[clazia]

do you think that time will sort him out?? Im scared to give him the ultimatum incase i dont get the response i hope for, i love him so much and i know he loves me as we have been together 6yrs now we talk about kids n marriage in our future alot, but its just like when he goes round to his mates house he forgets how i feel about things and smokes weed because his mates do... i dont really even know the extent to how much he smokes or anything i only know what he tells me that its not alot but then he would say that....
when you say you have been there do you mean in my situation where the partner has been doing drugs or have you yourself been the one with the addiction if u dont mind me asking?

[Saint666]

I agree with your suspicions, but dont argue with him about it, it wont help, it would just be a "reason" for him to go and do it, iv know iv been there myself. if you dont want theme in your house, then you lay done the law, as for trusting him or whatever the case may be, if hes doing it behind your back then nothing you say is guna change that. if he cares about you and mostly himself he will stop. but dont push the issue, as long as it is not affecting your everyday life, id let time fix it. or give him an ultimatum.

[clazia]

The reason i dont mention the x pill is because i dont believe he has ever done that before hes always sworn to me he would never be stupid enough to do any kind of pills that weed is as far as its ever gone and will ever go, its just recently i found 2x ecstasy pills in his bag this bag he takes round his mates with dvds in and things ready to watch when he goes round there, now wen i found them in there he swears there his mates pills that he asked my boyfriend to look after them for him as he couldnt take them home... i personally dont know what to believe? i do to some degree believe my boyfriend wouldnt take pills bt then i never thought he would bring them into our home.
We the whole communication thing i try to talk to him openly about drugs so much but he just gets so defensive and finds a way to turn it around on me saying its none of my business or that i shouldnt have been in his stuff to find the weed ect and we just end up in circles like that, i just dont know what else i can do?

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I would think that you might want to try and open up some honest communication with the boyfriend. You indicate that you have years invested in your relationship and would be lost without the boyfriend. And that you dont wish to break up with him. You are much too concerned about the weed - yet you dont mention the ecstacy hardly at all. The X is an item that could take his life or leave him psychologically impaired with only one use......The X is not subject to any FDA oversight and the true nature of what you might take is totally up for grabs. A lot like narcotic Russian roulette. Both of you need to learn much more about the drug issue and you both need to communicate openly. I am assuming that you have at least thought of marriage and perhaps even a family.....you need communication and full honesty for a relationship like that.....And you should be able to base a relationship like that in trust. Its not a positive thing that you feel that you cannot even trust the boyfriend.  Hopefully SubDoc Jeff will be able to give you more specific advice that work.  Best of luck......