765828 tn?1306263868

Feeling wanted ...

My foster parents have NEVER once said sorry to me for anything they did.  My twin sister and I were too painfully shy to really get into trouble until she turned 15.  But I digress.  D (my foster father) is an abusive alocholic in denial.  R (my foster mother) is co-dependent on D's self problems.  I'm 25 and I'm still getting hit even though I don't live with them anymore.  I remember the time he told me that he MAYBE once hit my sister because she hit him first.  I told him what does that prove other than the fact he's not the adult in the situation?  I also said, "You've never said sorry to me once in my life.  You tell ME I'm destroying the family??!!  You'd rather contintue being an abusive alcoholic jerk than save your family by quitting drinking".  My social worker was proud and taken back by my courageous words.  

I don't want to say I hate them, but I know with confidence they don't like me.  I'm an ultra sensitive person.  He told me in a drunken stupor that I should do everyone a favor and just kill myself because everyone hates me and I ruin everything.  Then the arguments we have are always about THEM and how I'm destroying everything (by not doing what they want, for example finish college).  It makes me feel horrible and sometimes it makes me question my morals with suicide.

I suppose I'm just venting.  Some words of kindness would be nice.  I don't think he'll ever give up booze.  I think it's sad.  I think he's a sad jerk.  My twin and I are the only two in the entire family that are not only twins but not Caucasian.  R and D never told us we were adopted, so we didn't know until we were able to comprehend.  
4 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
I'd walk away from the family, except your sister.
1673324 tn?1304458166
I agree, your lucky to have a twin. Stick together and forget the others. Your young and there is a whole world out there to explore. Someone once told me no one can control your emotions unless you allow them, be strong believe in yourself and enjoy life. Abuse is not tolerated.
1152782 tn?1451101426
Thank goodness you are adults! I say walk away too! You don't need that.  They sound like horrible rotten scoundrels who don't deserve to be a part of your life.  Even if you were biological children I would say the same thing.  

Drunk people do and say things that they don't mean to make themselves feel better.  They terrorize people because they have bad self esteems and they think everyone else is to blame for their problems/bad self feelings.  It's not worth sticking around.  Nothing they do are say is accurate, and almost everything is intentially hurtful.

I say, you and your sister write them out of your life and move forward. If you are close to aunts, uncles, grandparents, then keep them around for support. If extended family is sober and they know how your dad is then they will most likely support your decision. If they don't support you, it will be hard to walk away, but in the long run I think it would be for the best.

Just make sure to find friends who will support you and be a shoulder when you need one.

Good luck to you two!
1831528 tn?1317984379
If it makes you feel any better I feel like I sort of can relate. My adoptive family is just fake. They talk about caring but actions speak louder than words and trust me they don't act like they give damn. I always wonder what it'd be like to have been adopted by someone else. I am a recovering addict so I am very familiar with addiction. Your dad has to really care and want to stop. I am sorry they treat you bad

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