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18818716 tn?1482719675

Foster to Adoption

Hello -

I was hoping that I could get some general information.

My husband and I are interested in fostering a child and possibly adopting if it's a good fit. I'm very interested in adding some more children to our family. I'm interested in more about this process and would like to get some REAL feedback about this subject.

Thank you in advance.

Tiffany
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3 Answers
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134578 tn?1483549754
A friend of mine did this with a sibling pair, an infant and a little boy, after she lost her child at birth.  She worked with the state's foster agency.  It wasn't easy (the parents of the kids were flakes) but it worked.
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi.  I wonder how this decision is going for you.  Come back and update us.  So, I do know a couple families that went through the foster to adoption route.  It can be a beautiful thing although it has unique challenges.  My friends have had to pay the birth parents (the mother) money to kind of keep her happy.  Although she has terminated parental rights, she's still around and can make things difficult.  So, they give her money to kind of keep a distance (not spoken to her like that but they found that the mom always wants something and when she gets it, she allows them to just be a family uninterrupted).  So, I think that can be a bit of a challenge--- dealing with the birth parents that lost their rights.  

Often these kids have had abuse or neglect in their life as well (why they are in foster care) as well as they are often born addicted to substance and have side effects of that which pose additional challenges in raising them.  It's not always easy.

But it is saving a child which is lovely.  What have you decided?
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What? Seriously the adoptive parents pay off the birth mother? Remember what adoption is...the birth mother is no longer the kids mother and the adoptive parents are the only parents in the mind of the court. If they opted for an open adoption, encourage them to get rid of her. All they are doing is traumatizing those kids all over again with this behavior.
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As a foster/adoptive parent, I think it's a wonderful journey. It's not all peaches and cream but it is rewarding. It's tough, frustrating and irritating at times. Some kids are great, some (like mine) are a terror you have to work through until they trust you. Make no mistake...foster kids are not angels and don't trust an agency that tells you the majority are well behaved. These are kids that were yanked out of their home for various reasons and told to live with a stranger. At the height of their behavior, all they are saying is "I want to trust someone to love me". They want consistency and structure. They want to know what will happen to them and under what circumstances the consequence will occur (cursing gets this consequence....). Some develop radical attachment disorder and almost all have some sort of emotional issue that can be long term. But...and I stress this...I LOVE these challenging kids. A few sleepless nights and a few more gray hairs changes a kids life.Good luck and feel free to ask away.
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