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Avatar universal

Im not sure

Im not sure about this im 19 weeks and I been thinking about adoption but I don't want to make a bad choice I want to keep my baby but I don't to be a bad mom and not give him the opportunity to have a good life
5 Responses
480448 tn?1426952138
Hello and welcome!  

I'm so glad you posted!

How old are you hon, and what are the circumstances, are you with the father?  Do you live at home?  Still in school?

I'm going to tell you honestly, that there is not an easy way to make such a big decision, but I give you a LOT of credit for being mature enough to consider that you have options....perhaps options that may end up being better for baby in the long run.

I strongly encourage you to do your homework when it comes to adoption, your rights, the procedure, and your options (closed versus open adoption).  Talk to professionals, both people who have experience dealing with young women trying to make such hard decisions (like planned parenthood), and also an individual therapist.  Talk to as many people as you can....a clergyman/woman, close friends, family, etc.

Sit down and write down the FACTS as you know them.....things like finances, life situations, child care....and then, write down HOW you would make those things happen if you keep the child.  Sometimes, if you put it down on paper, you'll either find out that you WOULD be capable of formulating a plan, or it will be painfully obvious that it's going to be one uphill battle.

You can get all the advice in the world sweetie, but NO ONE can make this decision for yourself but YOU!  The focus when you're thinking it through should be what you feel would be best for the baby, and for you.  Are you ready?  That's such a tough question to answer.

Do you have the support of your family in this?  Will they stand by you no matter what you decide?  If you DO end up deciding it's best to place the baby, that's just the most selfless thing you could do.  It takes a really brave and selfless person to put THEIR needs aside, for the best interest of their baby's.

Blessings to you as you navigate through an undoubtedly hard hard situation.  We're here for you as well.  Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Avatar universal
Im 24 and Me and the father aren't together and yes I do live at home I just graduated from college as a MA
I do have the support of my mom and dad and step dad yes they will be for me no matter what but idk about if I tell them about me thinking about putting the baby up for adoption I just don't want to make the wrong choice I know my people love me but I don't want them to think less of me
1 Comments
keep your beautiful baby......life is not simple and the issues you are dealing with will change with time.......losing your baby will not. You will always suffer anguish and pain
560091 tn?1437054632
Adoption is such a huge decision to make, like Nurse Girl said do all your homework and look at all the angles to make sure this is what you feel you need to do.. You don't want to make a decision you don't feel comfortable with and regret it.  It sounds like you have a wonderful support system and maybe talking to your parents about your fears will reassure you in being a mother, or reassure you in placing your baby. But this is ultimately YOUR decision.

Placing a child for adoption no matter your financial situation or any other situation in the world be it money or addiction doesn't make you a horrible mother or person.. Our birthmother to our son wasn't an addict, she wasn't financially secure by any means and was 20 at the time of his birth and still with her boyfriend..But she felt she wasn't ready at that time in her life to be a mother, this doesn't make her a horrible person it shows she was mature enough to make a decision at a hard time in her life.. and this goes for any woman thinking of adoption.. It's not something a woman chooses lightly and it takes maturity and bravery to do so.

Good luck to you on what ever decision you choose.. Again you sound like a very level headed person and you'll make the right decision for you and your little one.
Avatar universal
Adoption is a gift to help start a family. Its such a beautiful thing. I'm doing it right now and I love my daughters adoptive family. They are such a blessing to me. Adoption is AMAZING.
Avatar universal
Please learn about how hard it is to be adopted. No one can replace you.  Your smell, your voice are part of your child's DNA. Just because they cannot verbalize it doesn't mean that little babies don't go through horrific trauma being separated from their mothers. Did you know that adopted persons are 4x more likely to attempt suicide than people that live with their bios?
Your situation is very temporary. But the sorrow of losing a child to adoption lasts a lifetime.  I'm 57 and the trauma of not raising my oldest daughter is ever present.
Make sure that you keep your baby for at least six weeks after giving birth before you sign TPR. Your baby will be very fragile after birth and needs you more than ever then.  No one else can nurse her and we all know how good that is for a babies health. Just give it some time and if you decide you don't want to parent you will have no problem finding a family. Just know that the best life for your baby is with you. Just be the best mother you can be and you and your child will do great!
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