Adoption Community
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Avatar universal

In the next few years I'd like to adopt

This is very hard for me to post this because I always wanted to have my own children.  I know that my husband and I are not ready to adopt yet, but I'm just wondering if someone can give me just a little bit of information.  I would like a baby because that way I can spoil it from the time it is very young.
I just wanted a little information about what kind of time and effort needs to be put into doing this.
14 Responses
Avatar universal
I was adopted when I was a baby by my parents and couldn't have asked for a better life. I don't know details about the procedures, but I know the fact that they had a great adoption agency help them made everything much easier. I think it took about a year to find me.
757137 tn?1347200053
The only suggestion I have is to get a baby and not an older child. There can be serious problems with older children.

My brother and his wife have two adopted daughters and they have a very happy family life. One of his daughters adopted a boy even though she already had a son and was capable of having more children. That says a lot.

The thing that is curious about parenthood is that we expect our natural-born children to be like us - and they aren't. I think we give birth to aliens. After having four of our own children, we decided to adopt a baby to save it from life in an orphanage (we were living overseas at the time) rather than have another of our own. Maybe he wouldn't look like us, but he would be an unique as his adoptive siblings. Circumstances prevented us from carrying out our plan, unfortunately. It is worthwhile noting that all of our children were in favor of the adoption. Excited actually, and disappointed when the plan fell through.

Adopt and enjoy.
Avatar universal
Thank you I think I would want a baby.  I like you attitude about adopted children and you made me feel like I will be able to adopt when I am ready.  Right now I think there are a few things that my husband and I need to work on before we can adopt.
Avatar universal
All I can say, is that you have to be prepared for a very long wait and the possibility that things could all fall through. I had a son at 16, and very nearly put him up for adoption, there was a couple ready and everything, it is the most difficult thing to let go of a child, all through my pregnancy I convinced myself that it was not a big deal, but when I held him, I couldn't let him go. Although I felt seriously guilty about denying the couple a child, it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Now he's 18 years old and I can't imagine life without him. Basically just don't get your hopes up, even if you are told that there is a baby for you, it an easily fail really near the end. Good luck though, I am sure you will be very happy with whatever child you are eventually blessed with!
Avatar universal
Nothing that is worth it is ever easy!
1328636 tn?1389370992
I am adopted and am well connected to an adoption and family service organization. I don't want to discourage you at all because I envy that you and your husband are both willing to consider adoption. I have been trying to convince my husband to adopt for years, but he simply refuses. Back to your questions. Adoption has become a very time consuming process (I don't think it was anywhere close to as complicated when my parents adopted me). Completing the initial application, undergoing interviews, home studies, and complete physical evaluations takes a significant amount of time and energy. If you are adopting internationally which generally gives you a better chance of adopting an infant unless you are looking to a adopt an African American infant or are willing to consider an open adoption (I myself would not do an open adoption because I believe adopted children should be a member of the family the same way a biological is), then there is even more time and more evaluations involved, depending on the country from which you are adopting, and you will also have to travel to the country 1-3 times. And then as someone else mentioned, the wait can be long - up to three years in some cases. Again, I do NOT tell you all this to discourage you because I am THRILLED there are caring and selfless people like you in the world, but I wanted to answer your questions. Good luck to you.
Avatar universal
I just want to say hi and that my husband and I are going through the adoption stage as well and yes it is a hard road to go down it can take up to 10 years from start to finish as I have al so had friends adopt from over seas and that is how long it has taken.
just wondering what state you are in as I no that sdome states are quicker then others to process as well.
It has all to do with the goverment and for intercountry depending on what country you are putting an expression of intrest in as they only allow some many applications a year through.
Avatar universal
I want to say keep in mind that every child needs a home not just baby's.And that some day that baby or child that you adopted will want to know about her mother and father and the rest of there family.And it won't have anything to do with what kind of job you did raiseing them.

Also you have to make sure your Husband is ready to be a parent.And how it will change everything in your life.Even thou it is a very good change it takes a lot of work know matter how old the Child is and how it can really test your Marraige just like it dose when people have there own Children.Because not every parents feels the same about how they should be raised .
Avatar universal
I already know all that. You have no idea how hard, not being able to have kids has been on me.
I'm not saying I'm going to adopt tomorrow. This is something that my husband and I have talked long and hard  about this. We did not make this decision over night.
1006035 tn?1485579497
You can only wait so long to be ready before you just have to dive right in. Like my grade scool soccer coach said, you can't wait for the ball to be teed up before you make your shot. How you raise the child will influence their decision to get to know their birth parents. Every person is different.
1393831 tn?1319596683
All I have to say is that, please, if you do a "closed adoption," don't keep things from your child that you adopt. I was adopted when I was born and my adoptive mom kept information like the fact that I had 2 half siblings that she knew about and had pictures of. I personally feel as if I have a hole in my heart because I'm missing something. Please don't shelter your child.
Avatar universal
I never would. When the kid comes of age it will know the truth. I will help them find their birth patents.
126762 tn?1325265405
My husband and I are adopting... I felt just as you did. I was devastated when I realized I could not have my own baby. I never thought I would be as happy to adopt - but once we started the process, I honestly am JUST as excited now as when I was pregnant (I had a m/c). Things change once you take that first step - it begins to not matter so much that you aren't having "your own" child... but just that there is a child out there that IS your child... you just haven't met them yet. We are at the point of waiting for our home study to be approved. As scary as it all was, and after hearing all the stories of long waits, etc, I was actually pleasantly surprised at how easy it has been so far. We found an amazing agency that only takes under 30 parents-to-be at a time, so the wait time is less. They said their average wait is 9 months and the longest anyway has waited is 13. I do know that a lot of agencies are not like that - a lot of people have had to wait a few years before they were "chosen"... there is a lot of paperwork involved, especcially if you are applying for grants. But all in all, it is just taking it one step at a time and knowing that it will all be worth it. Adoption is an amazing thing - and just keep in mind that this is your life, and your child. You get to make the decisions - we are also asking for a newborn... we want that experience as well. We are also doing a closed adoption, however, as a previous poster mentioned, we do plan to tell our child everything about their adoption. Good luck to you and if I can answer any questions for you, I'd be happy to try!
Avatar universal
I am also considering adoption.. I am single, and trying to conceive, in my late 30s and I have always wanted children. Not sure what's going to happen. I am also close to getting licensed as a foster parent and I am hoping to adopt out of the system too. Actually, international adoption isn't that long of a wait, and that is probably your best bet. Domestic adoption is tricky and the birth mother can change her mind. I have gotten info from a couple of agencies that specialize in international adoption-All Gods Children, and St. Mary's International. The wait depends on the age youre looking for, the country you want, and if you'll take minor special needs. But the wait time has been expedited in countries like Bulgaria, and it is about 1-2 yrs. Most countries can be around 2, sometimes longer. The fees is what is killing me- it is pricey. Good luck.
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