Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Son doesnt know about biological father

My son is 10 yrs old. His father had a lot of mental problems and decided to commit suicide at the age of 18. My son was only 3 months when this happened. A year after he passed his best friend and I got together and have been together ever since. We have a daughter together. My son has been raised with this man since the age of 1. He has always refered to him as daddy and truly believes he is his father. I know I cant keep this from him forever but I just dont know when or how to tell him. My fiance says to wait until hes older however i think the longer we wait the worse it will be. I also dont want him to go downhill after he finds out. Right now hes a GREAT student gets student of the month every yr in school principal tells me he is one of the best in the school. Hes the captain of his football team for 2 yrs now. He is a starter in basketball. His friends parents love him. He is just an all around awesome kid, I fear that when he finds out he will start being the exact opposite of what he is now. I also need to add that he is very sensitive. I know its going to be tough on him. Does anyone have any advice. His biological  fathers family isnt involved because they all have drug/drinking and suicidal problems.
2 Responses
5914096 tn?1399918987
The quicker you tell your son the truth, the better.  Let's just hope that he doesn't get angry with you after having not told him the truth all this time.  If you feel that you need assistance discussing this issue with him, then consult with a mental health professional or the school counselor.  Waiting will only worsen this situation.
Avatar universal
How did if go? Did you manage to tell him?
He will need support because he may go through a process of bereavement for the father he never had, plus coming to terms with never having an opportunity to get to know him for himself.
I would suggest that you're honest with him, but remember to tell your son something good about his bio father as well. There must've been something good about him for you to want to get so close to him and have a child. Having something positive (however small) can help the healing process. The phrase "you can't miss what you've never had", is not applicable in this case. Even if your son uses thus phrase, at some point in his life he will inevitably hurt over this. It's natural.

It's great that he has such a kind, loving, considerate mother.

You are reading content posted in the Adoption Community

Top Parenting Answerers
Learn About Top Answerers
Popular Resources
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
6 essential foods for new moms (and their newborns!)
What to expect in your growing baby
Learn which foods aren't safe to eat when you're eating for two.