Feeling lost and frustrated...

[MatthewAugust]

So, my topic says "career choice struggles".  It is worth noting, first of all, that this is far from my only area of concern.  Rather, I believe my struggle with career choices to be the culmination of the same symptoms that have plagued me in sever facets of my life thus far, but this seems to be the most tangible issue for me.

I am a 21 year old male.  At an early age (5-10) my parents were told by school doctors/specialists that I demonstrated typical ADHD symptoms.  Throughout school, I was disruptive, inattentive, and generally off-task nearly all the time.  Humility aside for a moment, I believe myself to be a very intellectual person.  Despite my disruptive nature in school, I have always excelled in nearly every subject.  Because of this, an alternative diagnosis for my disruptiveness was often cited as "boredom".

In high school, my grades suffered from mediocrity.  While my test and exam marks were quite consistently at the top of the class, my homework and hand-in grades were nil.  The net result was a report card with comments from teachers proclaiming "Matthew is very capable, but unable to stay on task", and "Matthew has exceptional potential, but is disruptive to his classmates."  

The year following my graduation from high school, I enrolled in the Bachelor of Commerce program at a community college.  The college has a university transfer program, in which the first 2 years of a degree may be completed there prior to transferring to a degree-granting institution.  The appeal of the Bcom program for me was two fold - I had several friends enrolled in the program, and, in the absence of any real career intentions, it seemed to provide a knowledge base general enough to be applied in several different fields.

[MatthewAugust]

4 years later, and I am yet to transfer out of the college, to complete my degree.  Last year, I was on academic probation, and achieved grades which met the college's AP minimums, but did not have a high enough GPA to be competitive at any of the institutions I was to transfer to.

I have not re-enrolled at the college this fall, as I feel I am wasting time and money with my lack of discipline.  My intentions have been to spend the year traveling, and hopefully finding some perspective on my life, prior to returning to studies in any program.

Last night, I had a bit of an epiphany - Never in my life have I been able to see something through to the end.  In my closet, I have a shelf dedicated to half-read books.  I have remnants of 2-week hobbies everywhere.  I am a huge fan of music.  If I look at my collection, I have a smattering of EVERY genre imaginable, as my taste seems to fluctuate in a cyclical manner; I obsess over finding everything there is to know about one genre, then seemingly "peak", and lose interest, turning to a new genre of obsession.

To the point:  I crave knowledge of everything, but lack the foresight and direction to move in a forward direction with anything.  The careers I have dedicated serious, deliberate thought and time into contemplating are many: Lawyer, Stock/Commodity Broker, Web-Designer, Computer hardware/tech development, Business owner, Real Estate Broker, Electrical/Mechanical/Computer Engineer.... The list goes on.  As soon as I decide what I want to do, I lose interest and second guess everything.  I have this constant feeling that by committing to Career Choice A, I negate the opportunity to explore Career Choice B.  I loathe and FEAR routine.  But I am beginning to feel that I am destined to remain in a stagnant "2 steps forward, 2 steps back" state the rest of my life.  

Am I indeed suffering from ADHD?  What can I do to find myself the discipline, focus, and fortitude needed to achieve the success I so desperately crave?

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

Thanks for your thoughtful and articulate post.  There is no way for me to say definitively that you do or do not have ADHD based on what you have told me.  It may in fact be something along the lines of what is called "ADHD,"  which implies that there is something about the way your brain is wired that is keeping you from realizing your potential.   At the same time, your inability to see things through may have psychological causes -- for example, without realizing it you may have a fear of accomplishing things, that may make leaving things incomplete the less painful alternative, in spite of your frustration with that.  With all that said, the best way to find out what is going on is to seek out psychological testing (what is known as a "full battery.")  Note: testing can be quite expensive -- if finances are an issue for you, if you live near or in a major city, I would advise you to do some research to find out if there are any hospitals or medical schools that do research on ADHD (they may offer testing as a part of a research study, which you might have to participate in).  Also, hospitals that have psychology internship programs (in which graduate students complete a 1-year internship before they can get their doctorate) will offer testing that is a little bit less expensive.  in this situation, Interns complete the battery under the supervision of a licensed psychologist.  Hope this helps.