Adults with Special Needs Community
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Avatar universal

Need some advice

Hello.  I have recently 'inherited' a 38working year old (10 year old mindset) person and am looking for some advice.  Let me tell you about him first. He is 38 with a juvenile mindset. He functions normally when on his meds. He has been diagnosed with bipolar but theres more going on. He lived with his 80 year old father who never was able to properly care for him. Mel has had substance abuse problems and has been in and out of jail for petty offenses and violating his probation.  He has never held a job and does not have the attention span to. He got married to a special needs girl who was basically just looking to get out of the home she was in. It did not work for long. Mel has issues with his temper and has outbursts.  Ive tried to get him some work mowing lawns as he enjoys that but he would rather stare at traffic and smoke packs of cigarettes.  Since hes been here,  i have forbidden the cigarettes which has led to his mood swings. He cannot live on his own. He tried with his 'wife' but within 3 days of living in a motel, they burned through $1600 and were homeless in a blizzard. He procrastinates on everything and I cant keep him on one task. Before I became his payee, he would blow his disability check within hours on toys and useless items from the local Walmart.  I could go on but I hope this gives a general impression.  My question is should I look into finding a home for him where he can get further treatment that he never got early on or do I keep him at home? He gets upset and bursts into tears when we discuss the institution option as he really likes being here but I need to do whats best for him. Any advice appreciated.
7 Responses
Avatar universal
Just to edit, please disregard the "working" after 38. My phone likes to insert words. Second, just to go a little further into it, I have gotten Mel into some therapy and counseling. Ive also been working with him on his reading and writing. He actually has a high school degree but cant read or write well at all. He was a problem in school and they did what they could just to get him out.  He only gets $560 a month from SS . Ive been helping him save money and be more responsible with it. I work a full yime job and work as much as I can with him but again, I need to do whats best.
144586 tn?1284669764
My advice is to go to court and request a guardianship hearing. The court has people who do that for a living. That would be best for him. You have your own life to live and this situation is not going to get better. A psychiatrist I know has a sign hanging from a string over his desk. It says "Just say no!". It applies here. It's nice he gets $560 a month of my hard-earned tax money, but that's life. You have to think of your time in terms of alternatives sacrificed. This is going nowhere at high speed. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Avatar universal
Thanks Caregiver. If Im following you correctly,  youre suggesting that I file to have his custody transferred to the state Dept. Of Mental Health? I am going to look into that further. I feel your frustration with the SS issue. Before he even came here, I used to stop by his house and talk to him. Like I said prior, he is definitely functional but procrastinates on everything.  I have tried helping him get a job but he puts no effort into it. He just wants to spend the days doing nothing. His father (and mother when alive) never bothered to address his issues and kind of ignored it. They just let him do what he wanted. I think he could have been ok if he was treated early on. The problem Im having is that its like pulling teeth to get any mental health services in this state. I work in law enforcement and have contacts but Im still having a hard time.  Ive looked into halfway houses and assisted living right fiwn the street but it takes an act of congress to get anywhere.  I took him in because it was either that or he got dumped off at the shelter which wasn't the best plan for him.
144586 tn?1284669764
There are many varieties of guardianship. You could ask to be appointed a guardian, or a friend, or have co-guardians. If there is nobody then there are non-profits that supply guardians. If you are a member of a religion, many denominations that supply guardians. There are many so-called "assisted living facilities" that would be appropriate. These are pretty good deals. Three hots and a cot, internet,psychiatrists, social workers, medication, and come and go as you please as long as you meet curfew. A guardianship hearing can be started by anyone. In New York it requires a $200 fee and is in surrogate court. The court will appoint an attorney for him (no charge to you) and order a psychiatric evaluation. This gives the state authority under the mental health law over the person. It gets him :into the system" that you find so difficult to break into. Been there. Done that. There are good guardians and bad ones. In general all benefits are administered by the guardian, anfd they have contacts with many assisted living facilities. Rent is generally pegged as one quarter of the patient's monthly income. You can "shop around" with agencies that provide guardians.
Avatar universal
Things are slightly different in Rhode Island.  We don't have as many resources. The more time that goes by, the more I realize that he really needs more than I can give.  I'm going to have to take a trip to court on Tuesday to find out what my options are.
Avatar universal
I work with people with developmental delays and we have a few residents with similar issues. It really is way too much for one person to deal with! A residential home would be great for him- lots of staff so no one person gets too burnt out, firm rules and consequences, peers he may relate to, and healthy food and activities (if he chooses- he cannot be forced as that is against his rights). I'm sorry that I know nothing about the legal aspect of it. Just wanted to let you know that IMO, you would be doing the best thing for both of you to have him placed elsewhere. Many of our residents have parents and siblings that are alive and well, but have found that they simply cannot live fulfilling lives themselves and still manage the diverse needs of their relative. As much as I love my job, I would NOT be able to move any of my residents in with me even though I'm trained in their care and support!
Best of luck- I applaud you for caring and helping, and wish that it was easier to get the help needed for this individual. It sounds cold but perhaps  it would be effective to position it to the courts or whoever you approach that you are absolutely unable to keep him in your care any longer. As long as they see a safe place for him to stay, they won't jump to get him placed anywhere else, being as they are swamped with similar cases.
Sorry- realized this is a very old post! I need to check dates before replying...
19148224 tn?1473043970
Im a 40 yr old with high functioning autism and lived with my mom and step dad in 2013 my mom died but my sister was going  to put me in a group home but within 2 weeks moving there I told her NO she said ok.... but im glad I said no I stayed living with my step dad well in 2014 I met a sweet loving man within a year he moved in with us my step dad and me... that was march 2015 and on nov 2015 he ask me to marry him I said yes our wedding is November 12th but on September 24 2016 we are moving on our own in apartments.

   So what im saying is dont put him in no group home it will break his spirit.
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