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Avatar universal

Recovered Agoraphobic 10 years and counting.

Sorry, I don't have a question...I just wanted to offer some HOPE!

When I was 19 yrs old, I began experiencing terrifying panic attacks which gradually developed into agoraphobia - along with the other delights of the disorder, crazy thoughts/fears, OCD, physical symptoms etc.  I could not leave my basement at times, let alone my house!  I suffered in varying degrees for ten more years.  I tried a few medications - Fluvoxamine, Prozac, Tofranil, and finally Paxil which I continue to take to this day.  I also had taken an as needed 0.5mg Xanax.  In the beginning I took about three pills daily, now I take 0.25mg at night, and if I feel anxiety and want to, I will take an additional 0.25mg Xanax.  This happens about once every four MONTHS or less!

     I want everyone to know - that the degree my agoraphobia and other phobias had soared to, was incredible!  BUT - now I am an independent 42 year old woman, I went to college and became a registered nurse, I flew to England with a friend and to Italy ON MY OWN for vacation, I fly to Florida each year alone and vacation on the beach feeling that life is good again.  I drive, I work, I GO INTO stores and ENJOY browsing the aisles, in a nutshell - I'm living!

     When I was at my worst point in this disease, I NEVER EVER thought that I would be at this level of functioning.  I know where each and everyone of you are, and how you are feeling so hopeless and depressed and are wondering IF and WHEN things will get better!  THEY DEFINITELY WILL!!!  It'll be some hard work, some tough challenges facing those phobias - DON'T be afraid or feel too proud to get help from medication (I was at first) - reach out to others who suffer as you do, and those who have made it through.  Thank goodness for the internet in this day and age.. I didn't have it when I was suffering my worst, but it is such a comfort!  I found, that I did have to (little by little, with some backsliding) face a fear, and go a little further into the uncomfortable zone, then when my mind accepted that nothing horrible was going to happen (took more than a few times to stick) but then I started to really believe it!  I got to a point where I said.. just F'n take me now, kill me, I don't care.. and that gave me a little courage to push it, which then I realized.. HEY.. I'm not going to die, I'm not going to go crazy, it's going to be OK.!  

I was reading your posts and remembering how despondent I was.. how everything was back then, and I really HAD to tell you all that you will find that sunshine after the rain!!

Thank you for reading my post.  = )  Heads up sunflowers.. it's going to be OK!
3 Responses
Avatar universal
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. It gives me hope. Thank you.
Avatar universal
Thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for this post.I'm 22 and had been in remission while i was off my meds i thought i was doing ok but I feel as if I'll hot rock bottom again even faster then last timeo think the biggest thing that had sped up this feeling was knowing how it was. I've always lived at home because of my phobia i have horrible panic attacks i went 2 years UN employed and followed my dad every where! I started making plans to always be there it was so bad, i had gotten better on meds i had 2 jobs and was driving not often but i was comfortable and i recently moved or of my dads with my brother and it started up again! I'm afraid to drive and i cry all the time i feel as if i will be alone forever if i make it to be older... I'm sitting at work on brash waiting to go home and of course I'm being a burden getting a ride from my mom. I'm back on my meds but i can't wait for them to kick in all i ever want to do now is stay home and cry. I know it can be better. I can't wait but my hope weins. I enjoy your words of encouragement!
6757907 tn?1385102265
Thank you so much! This is exactly how I have been feeling. I'm getting therapy and taking Ativan, but sometimes I just sit down and ponder everything and it depresses me to think that I won't be able to get to my normal, courageous self again. I want to get married, and have kids and I feel that I might not be able to do that. But I am taking steps, little by little. Please, any advice that you could give me would be wonderful. I have applied to several temp agencies and am starting school in the Spring. I am eating healthier and taking vitamins, and exercising! Please send any health wisdom my way! Thanks!

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Arlington, VA
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