Yoga. A sport like fishing. The two of you a sport like tennis.
Get rid of TV for awhile. With the money buy a hot tub. Relax together in the water. A shift needs to happen in what it means to wind down.
Maybe even cut back expenses so hubby can take a job with less stress.
You are knowledgeable enough to be "scared He will be dead in 10" years and You might very well be correct, give or take some years.
What can He do? He can educate HimSelf on the danger(s) of alcohol on the body and He can look for support (AA). You and the Children should look for support in al-anon as this is a situation that affects the entire Family. This I know is true.
He is drinking a LOT of alcohol. He probably shouldn't try to de-tox without help. There are people here who are a lot more knowledgeable than I about de-tox. You will hear from them. As for myself, I know a lot about the damaging affects of alcohol and I know that You and Your Children suffer affects from living and growing up in an alcholic home. Don't be fooled that He is not addicted to alcohol because He "does not act drunk". I assure You - He IS addicted.
Beer is JUST as damaging and dangerous to the body as any other form of alcohol. Ethanol is present in ALL alcohol drinks - beer, wine AND liquor: 12 oz of beer, 5 oz of wine, 1.5 oz of 80 proof liquor ALL contain the same amount of ethanol !! SO - 7 or 8 beers to 20 beers is a LOT of ethanol and is the same amount of ethanol as 7 or 8 or 20 glasses of wine !! or 7 or 8 or 20 drinks of whiskey, gin, vodka, etc., etc. !!
Alcohol (ethanol) is a DRUG: It depresses the central nervous system in the same way as does barbituates, sedatives, and anesthetics. Alcohol is a HABITUAL addiction AND a chemical addiction. The brain, the liver, the heart, pancreas, lungs, kidneys and every other organ and tissue are affected within MINUTES after it passes thru the bloodstream - all are particularly vulnerable to the effects of alcohol. It (alcohol) is not digested like food - 80 % of what is ingested goes directly to the blood stream and your body begins the process of absorbsion almost immediately and it reaches EVERY organ thru the bloodstream within minutes.
There is a TON of information on the harmful effects of alcoholism to the alcoholic (and the Children) - it would behoove You and Your Husband to educate YourSelves.
Thanks guys, some great ideas. Really. Unwinding can be a lot of things and I think we can do this. He already knows he has a problem and is actually trying to lower the amount (did really well tonight). Wouldn't it be nice if we all just weren't stressed out? Thanks again and good luck to you too.
You're welcome, Michelle.
I'm glad He "did better tonight" - BUT this is more than a "stress" issue - as evidenced by "7 or 8 beers to 20 (extreme nights)"
Alcohol is addictive, damaging - AND progressive - as evidenced by His ability to drink "7 or 8 beers to 20 (extreme nights)"
AND a pack of cigarettes a day - also addictive AND damaging. He needs to quit entirely - "lowering" the amount is not healing.
I don't suggest any of this is easy but it is do-able as evidenced by many who are on these boards.
and yes, there are many other, healthy ways to deal with stress
Omg!! I drink 18 beers a day. I smoke at least 1 pack a day. Sometimes two. I have been doing so for over 20 years. I have reduced the amount i smoke and drink over this time. I do not have a high stress job. I am a 43 year old male. I have two girls 13 and 8. I have been married for 13 years. I stay away from liquour cause it makes me lose control. Last check up was 3 years ago and i had perfectly fine results. I stopped paying $300 for quarterly checkups cause i never had any problems.
My advice. Idk but maybe just relax.
jack ! I finally found the answer I was seeking. I'm in your same boat! I drink about 8-15 a night and I get maybe 4-5 hours of sleep and perform better than anybody. it feels so good. I have a much better life. personal, professial and I feel Heathier actually. I run all day every day for work so I feel so good with my family. everybody just makes it out to be so so bad. but if I stop(which I very well can and have) I may have a little withdraws but I put it off like nothing. it doesn't really effect me.