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216175 tn?1226095585

Alcohol, I'm sick of all this **** !

I have been with my husband for 18 years, married for almost 16. When we first met we were young.  He did drink, but I thought then it was just a "guy thing" for him to drink.  His father was an alcoholic.  He was far worse than my husband, he would leave his wife home for as long as a week, he just wouldn't come home the day he got paid.  When he would return, he would have new clothes that he bought himself, and blamed all his problems on his wife. My mother-in-law was a stay at home mom raising 5 children.  He would leave her with no money, therefore had no groceries, she did not drive and didn't have a car.  My husband has gotten worse over the past 5 years.  I am a good wife, don't go out with friends, I'm a social drinker, maybe once or twice year I may have a little to much, thats it.  I can't stand to be around him.  When he's drunk all he does is degrade me.  He tells me that I need to get a real job, I clean homes two days a week, plus tend bar 2 nights a week, plus take care of my own home, raise my son, and do my wifely duties as far as grocery shopping, bill paying, cleaning, etc...  Everytime time he gets drunk he is awful to deal with.  I am so tired of him humiliating me.  We recently went to Disney World, and he had to have a beer at 10 am, I know in that week he paid over $200 in beer, cause they were 5.50 each. My son is failing school, and asks me everyday when he gets home if his dad is drunk.  This is really takin a toll on me and my son.  I have tried talking to him, his mother tried, everyone has tried.  I can't take it anymore.  He tells me that if I ever divorce him he will kill me.  I have asked him what the problem is and he says he doesn't have one.  Well, duh, he does.  He never knows when to quit.  We recently built a new home, in which my grandfather financed, and he said that he will kill me before he gives up this house that he struggled to build.  We have a new home, a new automobile, all the toys, I am happy with my life, but not with him in it.  I don't deserve to be treated like this.  People have even told him that he doesn't know how good he got it.  What should I do.  He has never hit me, but he is very mean to my son.  I am afraid to go to work and leave him alone with his dad.  Whats the next step?????
7 Responses
203342 tn?1328737207
The first thing you need to do is get you and your son out of there and get yourself a lawyer. You said he's threatened to kill you and he's mean to your son. That right there is very concerning to me. Don't take that lightly. Document everything. Get you and your son out to a safe place, call a lawyer and let the lawyer worry about splitting the assets you all have. Material things are minor compared to human life.
You might also want to get a restraining order on your husband. Talk to a lawyer, though, and see what they say about all of this. The most important thing here is you and your son's safety. Please take care of yourself and keep in touch and let us know how you are doing, if you are able.
Prayers and blessings sent your way,
April
189069 tn?1323402138
Wow! Well, unfortunately, there can be no change if he doesn't even accept that he has a problem. If he's threatening your life and can be unkind to your son, I suggest you have law enforcement present when you leave the house or ask him to leave and file a restraining order for you and your son's safety. I'm very sorry that you're going through this, but like April said, do NOT take his threats lightly.
Maybe after a separation, he will see that he has to change if he wants his family back and it's of course up to you to decide when to go back with him. Just put your son and yourself first. The first important step is for him to accept that he needs help and that he has a problem. If he isn't ready to do that, dear, nothing can change :( Good luck with everything! I'll keep you in my prayers...
Avatar universal
oh my no man should threaten a woman drunk or not you really do have to think of your child first they have to come first like babypooh said they wont change inless they acknoledge the problem is them please i beg you to watch out for your son you dont know me but i lost my first son to my first husband who had issues with drugs and alachol please i know you dont know me but you dont want to live with that pain nothing is worth being threatened and if he wont get help or agree he has a problem you have to do something for you!!!!! my husband is an alacholic but i swear if he ever threatens any of my kids or me to take my life i would have to leave or i would end up in jail to protect them take car and keep us poosted on how your doing
455167 tn?1259257871
hi. these ladies are right----you don't deserve to be held hostage by his threats. alcoholism is a progressive illness that only gets worse if left untreated and (in my opinion) it's bad enough already. i would recommend contacting al-anon, as the folks there have been through the same situations. i also have found contact info for other organizations in your state and i'm posting them on my journal (can't post web addresses on the forums---they sometimes get deleted by admin). there are others here like april, babypooh and lordineedhelp that would be good for you to stay in touch with as well, as they have/are dealing with similar issues. hope this is helpful and hang in there. take care,  gm
684658 tn?1239384954
First step is to contact the Domestic Violence hotline in your area!   The Domestic Violence Hotline will help you develop an escape plan, as well as make sure that you have important papers (such as marriage license, birth certificates, immunizations, etc) Since your husband has threatened to kill you if you divorce him, they will put you and your son into a safe shelter where he won't find you.  They will also help you get a restraining order and help you get to Legal Aid if you can't afford an attorney.  Keep in touch and let us all know how things are going!  I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!  driftersgal
Avatar universal
Like you, I lived with an alcoholic who constantly threatened and degraded me.  We had two girls.  When they were toddlers, he told me that if I ever tried to leave him, he would kill me, my parents, my older sister, my work associates......  He threatened me with a loaded hunting rifle, a unloaded pistol which he dryfired at my head, a butcher knife and tried to run me down with his pickup truck.  Never carried through, just terrorized me.  Never around any witnesses so all the neighbors thought he was a fun guy.  He rarely worked from the time we married, constantly stole checks from me and forged my name to them.  I borrowed money from a finance company to pay our toddler's medical bills.  He intercepted the check as he was home and I was at work.  He put it in my checking account and then forged a number of checks to get it out.  He kited the grocery checks constantly.  Even though I had a good job (as a social worker!) we were constant broke and overdrawn at the bank.  The county attorney told me I was responsible for all the checks he forged on my account. He followed me all around town when I worked, listened into my phone calls at home, hid outside the open window at my office and listened to my client interviews. Finally he started going across state to stay in our little cabin by my parents' house, I was able to get out from under his "evil eye."  He told me that although he was away, he had people in our town watching me constantly to report any social activities I attended.  On two occasions I came close to killing him and the means and inclination but did not as I didn't want to have my kids with no father and a mother who was a murderer.When the kids were old to call home, I told him I'd rather be dead than married to him.  Friends at work helped me find a lawyer.  A big Vietnam Vet at work said he would fend the husband off if he came back into town and stalked me.  We were married 18 years of terror and degradation which continued for some years after we divorced.  When he tried to run me down with the pickup I called the Sheriff.  After a contact with the sheriff, he left me alone.  He died of pancreatic cancer and liver disease.  He started our oldest daughter driving for him when she was 12 and got her served in bars when I was out of town on business.  My oldest daughter is an alcholic and my younger daughter is an emotional trainwreck who says that she cannot remember her childhood as it was so awful.  

Funny thing, when I finally forced him into treatment just before the divorce, he ended up in the VA Psych Ward as there were no vacancies in the CD Treatment Center.  The doc said he was a brain damaged simple schizophrenic, not an alcoholic.  That reinforced my goal of divorcing him as I thought he was incurrable as a mentally ill person.  The joke is, it is easier to bring a mental patient back to normality, than it is to bring a sadistic spouse abusing drunk into health life and relationships.
Avatar universal
hi, ive been married 25 years in aug and my husband is an alcoholic. he isnt physically abusive but verbally abusive and its not just me its our children who he hurts especially my son. i bought him the book the end of my addiction by olivier ameisen, md . he says he reads it every day but i have yet to see any changes . when he wants to argue i usually try to avoid him. its a horrible way to live and my heart goes out to you. get to an alanon meeting . hopefully youll get the support u need. take care god bless
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