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Can I do this for the rest of my life

I am engaged to a man who drinks 15-20 beers every night. He has an old job. Alcohol never effects his job. He is not mean when he drinks and in fact his personality doesn't change much at all when he is drinking. Should I just be happy that I have a good guy?
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973741 tn?1342342773
Hello friend.  The thin to remember about alcoholism which I'd say 15 to 20 beers daily counts for is that alcoholism is progressive.  It can become even worse and will if he continues most likely.  That he can still function now and have a job is a blessing but likely won't continue long term.  That you already see an issue while engaged and aren't satisfied with the situation is hard.  I believe that sometimes it is in our best interest to walk away.  I can't advise you to do that but will tell you that I did.  My significant other had a drinking problem.  I loved him dearly but left him.  Because I had the vision of a peaceful life without addiction as a part of it.  I know that someone with addiction to whatever often have a lifetime battle and that the drug of choice is more important than me to them.  It's a hard, HARD life.  It's your choice if you want to walk this walk and risk what the future usually holds by tethering yourself to an alcoholic.  

You won't be alone if you choose to stay.  Many women (men too) choose to.  But make no doubt that they often feel isolated and I believe need a lot of support.  Al Anon is a group that offers such support.  Let them be with their addiction while you love them but setting boundaries becomes part of it as well.  

It's really hard because I hear you saying he is a good guy. And I fully believe you.  But he also has a disease that could greatly impact your ability to have a happy life in the future.  And children that grow up in an alcoholic home often have irreparable damage.  Not only are they at greater risk of mental health disorders but they also have a much greater risk of continuing the cycle of developing addiction themself or getting into a relationship with an addict.  

What does he say when you ask him about his drinking?  
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4 Comments
First, thank you so much for your response. When I tell him I don't like him drinking so much he says he will cut down, he does for a few days but always ends up going back full force.  Our kids are grown so thankfully I don't have to deal with that effecting them. I've tried to tell myself just to let it go,but I'm not sure I can.

15 beers every night is an alcoholic. He can't quit and probably doesn't think he is one - it is common for them to deny there is a problem. Tell him to go to AA because they help people recognize the problem and some are able to stop drinking although they can never control it.
If he won't go to AA meetings, you should go to AL Anon to learn about alcohol and how it affects family members in ways they don't notice. You will see many people in different situations in denial - hoping the alcoholic will change - day after day, year after year caught up in repetitive patterns of denial.
How is it going Kelrae85?  I know this is hard.  Would he consider something like AA?  Since he's willing to temporarily stop or cut down for you, perhaps he'd be willing to seek help because you've asked too?  It's worth a try.  Hugs.
I should have said this   Whether or not he goes to AA meetings should be irrelevant for your decision to go to Al Anon because this is not something that the 2 of you can work on as a team. You should go to AL Anon to learn about alcohol and how it affects family members in ways they don't notice. It is in your best interest to learn all the problems alcohol creates and realize that you are powerless to affect his drinking. You will see many people in different situations in denial - hoping the alcoholic will change - day after day, year after year caught up in repetitive patterns of denial. It is easy to get caught up in the drama that alcoholics create because of all their needs and disruptive behavior, to the point that you are so busy dealing with the problems that you forget the purpose of being with someone.
instead of  "If he won't go to AA meetings, you should go to AL Anon to learn about alcohol and how it affects family members in ways they don't notice. You will see many people in different situations in denial - hoping the alcoholic will change - day after day, year after year caught up in repetitive patterns of denial."
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