Ah, sweetie, very sorry to hear of this situation. How frustrating and scary and upsetting! Yes, I'd say that this clearly sounds like excessive drinking, abuse of alcohol and abuse of you. His behavior changes when drinking and it impacts you in a negative way. Hallmark sign of alcoholism. Is he at all open to talking about this?
Alcoholics are not usually very willing or open to admitting any problem. They often react in denial or even anger. Grrr. It's so maddening. AND, they look for a reason to be mad at you so they can drink again or more. So, a conversation is essential but you need to have it only when he is sober. Do not start this talk when he is actively drinking.
And have you heard of al anon? Such a good group for support of YOU>
Let me know what kinds of discussions you've already had with him. We'll go from there. hugs
I agree that You should go to Al Anon first and foremost. Al Anon is for the Family of an alcolholic and I would say You are desperately in need of the support (and education) You will get from Al Anon. You are not likely to find Him sober in order to have a conversation with Him if He is drinking 30 packs a beer a week. It takes 72 hours for alcohol to leave one's system. 30 packs of beer is a huge amount of alcohol !! He is NEVER sober. People often don't realize that ethanol is the addictive substance in alcohol and there happens to be as much ethanol in a bottle of beer as there is in a glass of wine as their is in a shot of liquor. Your husband is a full blown alcoholic and there is not going to be a time to have a reasonable conversation with Him. He must want to make change for HimSelf. You need to make change for YourSelf and Al Anon is an excellent place for You to start. This I know is true.
This will sound brutal and I truly don't mean it that way. I'm just being straight with You. If He's going to continue to drink like that - He IS putting a bullet to His head !! The literal bullet is simply faster than the alcohol but the alcohol is going to kill Him. You say You don't see staying in this relationship much longer. To that I will say this is NOT a relationship. You say "some days He seems more drunk" to that I say "some days He is 'more' drunk but He is drunk EVERY day" !! No one can drink that amount of alcohol (ethanol) and not ALWAYS be drunk !! !! You should leave now but still go to Al Anon for the support You will get/need. You also need to learn about alcohol and alcoholism. There are many people there who have had to leave their alcoholic partner, You will learn why You can't/shouldn't continue Your commitment to a man who is only committed to His addiction. He is choosing alcohol over You, His job, His hygiene - it's time You choose what to do with Your Own life. You haven't mentioned - do You have Children ?? Is this man a Father to Children ?? I do not speak without empathy. My own Mother was an alcoholic my entire life. From the time She was 20 years old She drank as much as She could hold almost every day of Her life - until the day She died. My Dad stayed with Her until She died. He felt responsible and committed to Her, so He stayed, He was a very broken, sad Man but He died 'loving' Her. One doesn't grow up in an alcohol home unaffected by the craziness and chaos. I speak for my Brothers and for myself as I say this. I would hope there are no Children involved here. If so - get them in Al Anon also. They have groups for Children.
I Wish You Well From The Bottom Of My Heart
So, I'm not here to tell you what to do or what not to do but just to offer you an ear and support. This is hard. And you love your husband and are probably in a state of disbelief that this is really happening. I gave you some thoughts that work for me and others did the same. But this really all boils down to you and things with your husband.
People can feel very alone when living with an alcoholic or someone that is not yet an alcoholic per se but abuses alcohol. Or that you just have a suspicion they do. It's isolating because you don't want to tell people and feel ashamed about it. That's why this is so nice to be online anonymously and share. We are HERE to support you. This is about you and YOUR feelings and I really hope you come back and we can talk. hugs
It's been almost a year. I think about people like you and wish we could know how you are doing. I hope it is better.