I met the most amazing man a few months back, and as time went on his addiction to painkillers (there's no living with a drug addict forum, sorry...) spiraled out of control and led to abuse, psychotic behavior (actually a display of every symptom of borderline personality disorder), self-mutilation, destruction, etc. Basically, this man hit rock bottom and I was so codependent I completely obsessed over him and let myself and my own mental health go.
After a particularly abusive episode on this past July 4th he admitted for the first time that he'd been addicted for 4 years, that it was a problem, and that he needed help to get clean. So, I took him to detox, and he is now in a 120 day sober living program. He's working really hard, and has accepted responsibility for his life, etc., and he wants to be together when he gets out of this program.
The problems are that relationships are triggers for recovering addicts, and after myself growing up with an alcoholic mother all of my life (I see now why I got so sucked into codependency with him) I fear for my own well being and future with this person.
The treatment center he's in is very adamant about not being in a romantic relationship or fraternizing with women, and I know his parents have cut him off from their support system, and I'm just wondering if it would be best if I just detach as well. Addicts need time to rediscover themselves after being dependent on substances and other people for so long, right? Would I be a distraction from his recovery? I was an enabler and a codependent after all, and I'm currently trying to help myself so that I never repeat that behavior again.
I love this person and am willing to give it a shot after we both get the help we need and heal from these destructive behaviors, but should I give it the full year suggested by the treatment program and limit contact now until then? I have a better understanding of my behavior now and so does he, and he seems really serious about staying clean and has fully accepted responsibility and is working so hard. I just don't want to do anything to sabotage that.
Any thoughts? Thanks.