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Seperated from husband

Hi everyone, I am new to this. I have been with my husband for 8 years now, married only for 31/2. I knew from the beginning that he always drank a lot, but thought that everybody in university drinks a lot. After we got married we moved  to another country to be close to his mother, we actually lived with her. A month or two later he started drinking a lot, and having problems with depression. We tried to get help there. He was very suicidal and taking a lot of different medications along with drink almost 1/2 bottle of hard liquor. A lot of the problems were surrounding his mother, we came back to canada and thought it would be better here. He hid it from me but still kept on drinking with his meds. We were living with my parents at the time so he was in a very controlled enviornment. he got a little better and after a year or so we got into a business together. We moved out to our own place and everything was fine for the first few months, although he and I were drinking almost every night a glass or 2 of wine for me and beer for him. He started not coming to work because he wasn't feeling well. Every day that he would be off he would drink all day and hide the bottle or throw it out before I came home.  He started doing this more often and getting more and more depressed. Then started all the verbal abuse and then one day he struck me and then kicked me out of the house. I went to my parents shocked. We were still working together, he didn't come for a few days and then when he did, apologised and cried and said that he couldn't believe that he did that. After a week I moved back, but the problems did not dissappear. Every week would start a new drama. More abuse from his side, i was scared to say anthing to him incase he hit me again. This has been going on for two years now. He has tried to commit suicide has been hospitalized many times. I have tried to help him for years taking him to Addiction centers, getting mental help, being there for him.  I can't live like that anymore. I am having panic attacks, I don't care about him anymore. I left him three days ago, but I am more paniky than relieved. I need to talk to someone. I don't know what to do?
4 Responses
Avatar universal
sad story yet im sure now that you actually left unlike me im so scared to change and im in a mess right now but you took a big step the next one may feel a littler harder yet one more step to helping you right now seems like something you need right now i myself wish i could walk away but were just started councling yet we have only done it 4 times and my husband has already said he does not like talking about his drinking since he still thinks there is nothing wrong with how much he drinks and am all to aware of mixing meds with alachole my husband is on cymbalta, zanax, and klonipin and all 3 say dont mis with alachol and have already went through a few black out nights he does not remember s i could share tons with you and im glad i found this site i have only been here a few days and i have alot of people chating with me and it does help knowing were not alone keep looking forward your worth it you know
Avatar universal
i can understand that it is really hard. we tried councling last year. I finally thought i could bring up some of the things that we needed to talk about, but for me that did not help. he just couldn't deal with the things that i was saying, it almost felt like he lived in some other world. he just drank more after the councling. it's hard when you are trying and your partner      even does not acknowledge that there are issues to deal with. I am going to family services so that i could now try to heal me. I think it would be a good idea for you as well to get seperate help for you. I looked up a group called al-anon. They have group meetings for people living with alchoholics. I will go to their next meeting and see it it helps. And if it helps it not easy for me right now, it's almost feels like i'm addicted to that situation, i had a nervous breakdown today. But i have a support network, my family my friends that are there to help me. Have you told your family? or your friends?    
299889 tn?1257339377
It is always hard to lave what is familiar.  We get stuck in our relationships when they are bad and refuse to move forward and take care of ourselves.  A lot of become co-dependent.  We start feeling we are unworth and all is our fault but the truth is you have done nothing wrong and you need to take care of youself.  You were becoming a victim.  Please take care of yourself by getting therapy or call, alanon or a CODA meeting so you can change yor thinking.
233181 tn?1235183152
All your stories sound all to familiar, I grew up with an alcoholic father that put us all through hell, 3 children and my mother, Today they are all gone with the exception of a sister who seems to have escaped the genetic curse left upon us, I myself went through the experience of addiction to alcohol, after I had promised my Mother I would never drink as I saw what it did to my family. My brother who would suffered with addition on and off was murdered on a subway in 92. But I what I am getting at is that you have to confront your partners and let them know they are suffering from a treatable chronic disease of the brain, There is no known cure, however there is remission and treatment and Alanon for you ladies to learn how to cope with this disease,
Not everybody is going to agree to treatment and if that is the case they must be informed that you can no longer live life like this, and will not continue to waste the years of your life and your children's if applicable. Tough love does work as a last resort and you will have to take this step if you are to find out if this person is worth your only chance at happiness, There is a nice ending to this story my father was sober for the last 25 years of his life until he lost his life to cancer, My mom died 4 years prior to cancer as well. Now I battle with opiate addiction due to back surgery. I am on suboxone now and doing very well, But I know I have a treatable chronic disease of the brain, Like cancer I will never ever really be cured, But I will and shall always fight the fight and my children through no fault of their own, must be kept aware of the road that lies ahead of them, Talk to your children and keep them well informed from at least the age of 12 and beyond,  God Bless You All--------------Noah
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