218870 tn?1240255655

mean while sober, nice when drunk

you always hear about the mean drunk that does crazy things and then when they sober up the apologize.  My situation is the opposite.  When my husband is drunk (every night 5pm-midnight at the least, about 2 half gallons of whisky and 30 beers per week) he tells me how much he loves me and he doesnt understand why we fight so much, but as soon as he sobers up he is terrible to me, he acts like I owe him something, he makes me do everything like cook, clean, wash his laundry... in some sort of twisted way of proving my loyalty to him.  It is just odd.  so basically I spend my day in hell with him nasty and by 5pm when I am done with it all he turns it around and is super nice (no intimacy since he cant by the time the kids go to bed as he is too drunk and things dont work properly).  has anyone else had this opposite situation?  I keep looking for things as this is a sign of alcoholism and I see many of our problems on those sites, but I dont see this so I am just thinking I get the true hatred while sober and just need to get the heck out!  
3 Responses
209987 tn?1451935465

An alcoholic is an alcoholic...some just show it differently.

Obviously your husband can't "handle" things while sober...he needs help...ASAP!
He may be acting like a jerk when sober because of withdrawal.

I've had many alcoholics in my life, and they all react differently.
My hubby is all over me when drunk too...and he ignores me when he's sober...which is better than being yelled at I guess.
He's also very serious when sober...and more lax when drunk...but most are.
My dad used to give me his credit card and stuff like that when drunk...then  either avoid us or get nasty when sober.
If you ticked him off when he was drinking he would get mean...but otherwise he just sat around crying and stuff.

They say that an alcoholic will show their "true self " when drunk...so however your hubby acts when drunk is the way he is or wants to be...and he's a stranger even to himself when sober.

Avatar universal
My husband is nice when drunk; intolerable when sober.  I don't really know what to do in this situation, but I daydream about him drinking too much and never waking up, and how nice that would be.  That maybe it's not too late for me, or for our children; that perhaps we could live a nice, quiet, simple life without him. I love him, but I can't handle this anymore.  He says the most hateful things, is super controlling, very spiteful...  He make nearly a million dollars a year, but we have nothing to show for this--a big house, some expensive things, and yet, somehow, it is all my fault.  He gambles compulsively--losing large amounts of money, he has had several DUI's, but somehow I have spent all of his money.  I do spend a lot of money on the kid's activities, but who doesn't?  However, he was an alcoholic when I married him, so I don't know what I was expecting.  What is funny about this--well, not exactly funny--is that people continually ask if he's always mean to me....  Random people, people we know, wherever we go, it's the same question, "Is he always this mean to you?"  And it shocks me to the core--as those are usually his nice moments, that others comment about.  I'm not a mean person, either....  I don't really need him, as I could find someone quite easily....  But when you have three children, there is always the hope that something will change.  Not a hope, really, perhaps a fantasy.
Avatar universal
Katie, have you ever been to an al-anon meeting?
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