Glad you posted. Can you tell us more about your wife's habits and how she embarrasses you. ? how late does she stay out (drinking?)? does she drink and drive. She vows to stop, ,which makes me think that she is aware that her drinking is a problem, and that she may want to quit.
Can you have your wife take a quiz with you there, and make sure that she answers honestly. ?
Here are a few...
First things first, Your wife is admitting there is a problem, or she would not vow to stop. Now I suggest you further identify the problem,, and the first step is the quiz.
Let us know how it goes (there are more reading your post than commenting) We're here for the long run...
From what you have stated, your wife has a drinking problem. Grown adults should not drink to get drunk. I noticed in another of your comments on another post that your 21 year old daughter is making comments about your wife's drinking being her choice. It is not the right choice, if your wife is drinking to get drunk. The fact that your 21 year old thinks that there is no problem, suggests that your wife's unchecked drinking has colored your daughters view as to what should be happening in a good life.. That would be a further negative consequence to your wife's drinking, and hopefully down the road some, your wife will be able to realize that she is doing her daughter a disservice by modeling this kind of behavior (getting drunk).
I would love to work with you to get you started working on this problem at home. Okay?
i had to move on from my first husband, who vowed to never stop. I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man (who incidentally is also an alcoholic) who DID stop after accepting an Intervention. We actually quit drinking together in '99, and when he relapsed , with 2 days, entered into a 90 day treatment program and has been clean and sober ever since.
Obviously your wife's first reaction is to vow never to stop, she's addicted and is fighting to stay on the path of least resistance. It is when the addicted is faced with an ultimatum , that shows their true colors and let's you know what value they put on your relationship with them.
I'm so sorry, it must have been so hard to hear that your wife is actually putting alcohol as a higher priority than your marriage.
You could go to Alanon if you choose to stay, and help yourself to learn to live with her drinking.
I think you need to talk to an Addictions Therapist, as well. There you will be able to discuss how it is that some families and loved ones of addicts, and some addicts themselves, get the help they need. to make healthy changes in their lives.
We're here for the long run friend. I'm so sorry you're wife is being so selfish. If the tables were turned, I wonder if she would stay with you?
When i was drinking, way back when, i cheated on my 2nd husband, and thought very little of it. That is the way of it, with alcoholism. I would be worried that your wife is doing more than just drinking when she doesn't come home. You might want to have her followed and see what she's up to.if you can afford to do that. Knowing what i know about alcoholics losing their inhibitions, I know I would. When my current husband relapsed, he also cheated on me. and that was only a 2 day relapse. He admitted to it, but then he is a reasonable man that did not ''vow" never to stop. I forgave him because I know that when drinking, a person does things that they would not necessarily ordinarily do.
I'm so sorry for how you must be feeling and forgive me for being so honest. It is not meant to hurt you. It is just one alcoholic telling you how it is.
Can you say how late she's out at night and how she embarrasses you ?
If you cannot afford a private investigator, you could have a friend follow your wife, (someone who she has not met).