Anxiety issues leading to alcohol issues

[Jendrew28]

I love my fiancé more than anything in the world, but she has major anxiety issues. The big issue that this causes is when it gets out of control it leads her to drinking large amounts of hard alcohol. She'll drink entire bottles of vodka in an afternoon. When she goes through these phases, she's secretive and lies about it constantly until I catch her red handed. After I get her to sober up, she goes through serious withdrawals that have landed her in the hospital. She's able to have just one or two drinks most of the time, so we're not sure if the issue is alcohol. We think it has more to do with her anxiety, but every time she goes to the doctor, they give her meds to curb her cravings, even though she doesn't really crave alcohol. We need to figure out a solution to her anxiety and why it is she relies on alcohol when it gets bad. Is this a common issue? Does anyone know of any solutions?

[Kenneth007]

I became an alcoholic due to the same thing 15 plus yrs ago. I think that Ritalin as a child did something to my nerves. I controlled it later with alcohol and that only makes it worse and worse and worse until there is a major problem. She would have to stop drinking and that's easier said than done.  

[ibizan]

What was your experience?did u find it helpful?

[brice1967]

I have.  

[ibizan]

Have you ever attended an Al-Anon meeting?

[brice1967]

Thanks for the warm welcome.  I've only recently learned to talk about my life's experiences and through some therapy of my own, I found it comforting to hear other peoples stories.  I've also found it rewarding to be able to contribute.

The facts around alcoholism are often very hard to swallow for both the addict and for the family as well.  So many of us were enablers without ever knowing it.  So many of us were abusers.  

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us, but it requires making the right, hard decisions now... getting some support in place... and being determined to work through this all, even with set backs.  The idea is to push forward and I believe even the 'worst" alcoholic has that opportunity.

[ibizan]

Thank You for commenting here.....you are so right on the money w/all u've said!Hope to see more from you here...having the family members views affected by alcoholism/addiction is important!

[brice1967]

Some of the things above may come of as harsh to you.  Perhaps what I am about to say may come off that way too.  I am not trying to be a jerk, but I am relaying information on the information that you provided above in your initial post... and again to what you replied to my post.

By blaming her binge drinking on her anxiety, you are trying to excuse her binge drinking or validate her binge drinking.  Broken down into very simple terms, her anxiety is an issue and so is her drinking.  Her anxiety cannot be an excuse.... if she has anxiety, she needs to speak with a therapist that specializes in anxiety issues.  If she doesn't do that, you are still going to have these inexcusable blow outs that she has.  

Furthermore, if she didn't have any problems with alcohol, she would not have these blow outs.  

This is what is real hard for addicts and a lot of the people around them.  I excused my mothers alcohol abuse for decades.  My mother is whats known as a functioning alcoholic.  She handled her work day/professional life without drinking, but when 5 pm came-she was drinking.  It might be 2 or 3 drinks... some weekends she might have 5-9 drinks.  Her rationale was "I don't have anything to do tomorrow, so having 10 drinks is okay.".  But the fact remains... every day for decades my mom drank and I excused it.

It's almost like we are getting "groomed" to tolerate it.  We ourselves start to think, "everybody drinks". (Excuse #1, right there.)  Then we think, "well, its only a couple of drinks a night, usually."  (Excuse #2, right there)  After that we think, "her drinking doesn't interfere with her professional life, so it must not be a problem."  (Excuse #3)

I understand you don't want to hurt your girlfriend and I certainly understand that you do not want to label her as anything except as your "girlfriend."  

Her anxiety is an issue and she drinks more because of it, is an excuse.  Whatever causing the anxiety needs to be addressed.  Until you/she does that, it is open season on the next drunken blow out prepackaged with an excuse.... the anxiety.

Look, some people should not drink ever.  They don't metabolize alcohol properly or they frequently get out of line.  That is a problem.  Someone wanting to address that problem seeks help from a professional.  Bottom line is, your girlfriend will have to want to do something about it.  Until she does, this will continue.  Its hard... nothing about this is easy.

[Nighthawk61]

hello my friend, the issues that your woman has probably need to be worked through with a good therapist, if that's feasible financially. These hurts that we carry through our lives can be dealt with in earnest with a professional that is out of our family circle. When i went myself, it was a relief to know that i was dealing with the past with someone who i could leave my baggage with them, in their file, as i moved on from it. It felt good to work with a therapist, and not feel that i had no other place to work out my issues than with loved ones, that didn't know what to say to get me to a better place. Not because they didnt' love me, but because they hadn't spent their lives learning about complex relationships and the issues that come from them.  (should we all be so lucky). Have you talked to your lovely better half about talking to a profressional? If you should pass before your women, and she hasn't got a firm hold on own recovery, her very life could be at risk. Many alcoholics started putting back those 26's 6-16 weeks apart. She's exhibitng her own sign of alcoholism i'm sure, if she were to look at the 20 questions right? I remember my husband feeling at such a loss when i was drinking and venting about the horrific events of my life. I could see that he loved me SO much, he was often brought to tears , but the fact is he had not suffered the same abuse, and had not fallen as far as myself, into despair. He did so much for me, but ultmately, i had to find my way out of the darkness, myself and with a calm voice of reason. In my case, it was my lawyer who was able to snap me back. I heard something today that made me think. Someone was talking about living in the Justice phase or the Reality phase of life. In other words, living as a victim endlessly searching for Justice, or livng in the Reality of what life has become. ie. Addiction, ACOA meetings held for Adult Children of Alcoholics, AA well, i don't need to tell you the relevance of admitting one is an alcoholic right? heehee, Hey, get your women to  look for help with her own demons, tell her you can't leave this world, (should you be called home first) without knowing (on good advice) that she has sought help for her demons of the past. Timothy, you know my heart is open to you both friend. Please let her know i'd love to be friends? Here's to you brother, hope you're feeling stong this week.

[timothy141]

Great posts, I came here this morning with this very concern. My GF has been so good to me. We have for over the last year been battling my Hep C.
I have learned what it means to have to count on some else's strengths and abilities more than mine. And realize  the damage is not all on me.
We are coming to the end of a week long binge, not me my GF. She dose this every 6 to 16 weeks, climbs into the bottle. Then all holds are off, I hear about all those things that cause her to drink and so on, a life of tragedy. It has been hard trying to maintain my own riba rage, and not disappear too. I wish I could fix her, but I can't, something my little sister use to call me, "Captain save a ho". I just wish she would understand she now has to pick up the pieces again.  

[ibizan]

I'm approaching 30 years sober/clean 11-22-13.U've received some awesome advice and life experience here from my cohorts!U would be wise to heed it...all i can add is RUN don't walk to the soonest Al-Anon meeting u can find!

[10356]

She can have a few drinks without binging.. I do not understand this at statement at all... She should not be having 1 drink ! As a Alcoholic she should not be putting any alcohol in her body.. I was so surprised that she drinks regularly after so many attempts at rehab and you seem to accept this as normal.. It makes no sense. Everyone of us that have a problem with alcohol would also drink a full bottle eventually, as soon as we experienced any strong emotion, be it anxiety joy anger sadness, any.. Why do you find it acceptable to live with a alcoholic who continues to drink ?
The above poster left a Beautifully worded post for you to think about.. Commitment to our sobriety is a must.. I can not have 1 drink for it will lead me to many and then my death. I wish you and yours the very best, lesa

[campqueen]

I struggled along with my brother, the last 15 years of his life, as he spiraled downward through his battle with alcohol (we didn't talk for five years before that). He was a petroleum engineer, top of his class, made lots of money but he had a type A personality that "thrived" on extremes in his life exacerbated by alcohol...skydiver, bullrider, master scuba diver, etc...the alcohol was his self medication until he lost everything that was important to him (the love of his life, every job, most of his family) I guess the point here is that SHE has to want to control her anxiety, and even then the lying and behavior associated with her binges will continue and build...you will be an emotional hostage until she commits to getting better...because it will get worse, it is just a matter of time UNLESS she is committed...not you but her....your job is to be supportive as long as she is following the program a medical professional has outlined...this may include AA...I don't know how old you are but time is of the essence....some bridges once crossed will be burned...you will need to decide how much time of your life you are willing to flush away trying to save her if she isn't trying as much as you....I truly wish you the best and the fortitude to love her enough to draw a line and be her strongest advocate and toughest friend

[Jendrew28]

Obviously that amount of alcohol is an issue, but that is only caused by the anxiety. She can have a few drinks without binging, But a couple of times a year the anxiety takes over and she can't help herself. The anxiety causes the binge drinking, that's why that is the biggest issue. Without the anxiety, there is no binge drinking.

[Jendrew28]

Thank you. The problem about getting professional help is they always revert her to alcoholism specialists. She's gone through treatment and rehab, and detox a couple times. This isn't an every day thing, she can have a few drinks without any major issue. The problem comes when the anxiety takes over.

[brice1967]

The first step in dealing with the anxiety is seeing a therapist that can pin point the cause of the anxiety.  Until the cause of the anxiety is diagnosed, the problem will likely continue and manifest itself in other ways.  Taking a pill or self medicating with alcohol are problems of their own, and neither will make someone deal with their anxiety.  Seeing someone in the mental health field is crucial.  As well, the alcohol itself may be the cause of some of the anxiety.  I'm no doctor, but all of this struggle could be occurring on the subconscious level.  Again, without a proper diagnosis you are not addressing the problem.

In order to get a proper diagnosis, you have to be honest with the health care professionals.  

I was in the bar business for almost 20 years.  Never in 20 years did I hear someone say they had a problem with alcohol until after they have gone through the legal system and a dry out program.  

Its difficult, but it can me done.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Yes, oh yes, alcohol is an issue here.  I would be most worried about the amount of alcohol She is drinking.  Granted, anxiety is an issue that needs to be addressed but as far as I know, people don't die from "anxiety" but they sure can die from alcohol poisoning (among other problems that come from over-drinking that kill people in the long term),  That amount of alcohol is alarming.  Alcohol affects the liver, the brain, the nervous system, the heart and circulation, the digestive system, urinary system, etc., etc.  How often and how long has She been doing this?  
I would consider that amount of alcohol in one afternoon dangerous and a medical emergency.