Im sorry, im new and not sure how to edit yet but i wanted to add some personal health background.
Im a non smoker, I dont do hard drugs, I have smoked pot from time to time, I don't drink caffiene, I exercise, and considered fit. The only known issue i've had is a heart condition called WPW, that I found out after going through the horrible panic/anxiety issues. I'm single and have no children at the moment. I live a pretty decent life, and just pretty normal. So this is why i think its alcohol, i can't see any other reason but i did have a tough childhood, however i dont even think about that, lol. Definitely has to be alcohol, I was so dehydrated when i went to the ER on Sunday night that they had such a difficult time putting fluid IV in that i told them to stop poking me. I saw my blood in the needle at a stand still. Im very much hydrated now, but that was a freaky weird thing to see. Ive always been known to have stubborn veins, but that was just ridiculous, they were however able to GET blood from me the first time around.
Welcome to the forum. Congrats on stopping alcohol! I'm a recovering alcoholic and have been through it all. I love how you write. Don't worry about it! Keep sharing and clearing your mind by sharing all those thoughts. I'm just sorry that I didn't see this sooner.
I see the anxiety part as the DTs. Mild DTs, but I'm fairly sure that's what it is. Stay stopped and I bet it goes away. I went through the exact same thing at work back in 1982. In the morning I'd come in to work and I was filled with anxiety. My doctor was giving me tranquilizers to calm my nerves, and they had stopped working. The only thing that calmed me was the drink I had to have for lunch at the bar near work (in downtown Detroit). My doctor was also telling me I'm having alcohol problems and these are the DTs. A guy in my department who was 21 years sober in AA asked whats up a few times also. What I did was to finally ask that guy to take me to an AA meeting. I stayed sober for 28 years until I had a slip in 2009 when I blew my back out and started up on vicodin, which led me back to my drink. Now I'm over a year clean again.
If we have the disease of alcoholism, one drink, no matter how far down the road it was from the last drink, leads us back into the hell we came out of however many years ago it was. You describe your drinking. I can identify with it. None of us know when we cross the borderline, but once we have the disease we have it for life. We must work on our recovery every day.
I personally stay away from Benzos even if my doctor suggests them. All I'm doing is borrowing tranquillity from my future and I have to pay it back with bad anxiety if I ever want to stop them. They are easily one of the most addicting substance prescribed by doctors you can get.
As for a doctor, just go to your regular general practitioner. They've all taken the alcohol class (hopefully). But be completely HONEST with him/her! Tell them everything. Don't feel shame, feel proud of the steps you are now taking to change your life. You're doing a positive thing here and I congratulate you on posting and recognizing you might have a problem other than simple "general anxiety disorder" (GAD). Keep posting, sharing and asking questions. This is sometimes a slow forum. I'm going to look for you on here often and I hope others see this post. You're going to be okay!!
Thank you so much for your reply. I would've never thought of myself as an "alcoholic" but perhaps I am! I can go months without alcohol no problem, and no desire to drink it whatsoever. It never crosses my mind to have a drink. But i built up such a tolerance to it over the 2 years of being a socialite that i needed more and more to feel a "buzz" i mean who wants to drink without feeling a buzz, i think alcohol by taste is nasty, lol. I don't know so much though if im an alcoholic or if i had alcohol issues that if i would've ignored these symptoms could have led to being full blown alcoholic. Who knows, i think my brain is really sensitive right now too. Also, what are DTs? Sorry new here :)
Okay I just googled "DTs" Delirium tremens and I am not experiencing any of THAT at all. I haven't had any shakes or anything like that. Though I do think I have pushed my body way too far in the drinking department lately because i need to get a buzz, and my tolerance is built up way too far. When I get that simple "buzz" i stop, ive never blacked out, passed out, been in a stupor or any of that. I think I do have a heavy drinking problem, and i do believe that is do to tolerance. I remember just a month ago, i had 1 glass of white wine, for some reason felt an awesome little buzz and had no more than that. My body just can't handle as it gets older, how I used to throw back the shots and im trying to get accustomed to that.
To add, My symptoms are pretty much gone. No insomnia, no anxiety at all, no depression. Back to normal. Although its been a week since that crazy "binge" and i don't take benzos. I have no desire to drink at this moment, lol too scared to even see if the anxiety pops back even with ONE glass of wine. I remember once when I was 19 years old, I drank so much I had a 5 day physical hangover. Not mental though, no anxiety, no shakes. After that i never drank again until the age of 25. And only at the age of 29 did I began drinking more and more because i was around it more at events. At 32 the hangovers are more emotional and mental than they are physical. Interesting how that works.
Everyone drinks for the "buzz" - if not for that, we would drink water or tea or something alcohol free. Seems You've come to realize Your tolerance has gone up - and so it goes for everyone - in order to get that buzz, You must drink a little more; and then in a while, it takes even more to achieve the buzz. This is how alcoholics are born.
If You leave a group of cucumbers in the brine long enough, each and every one will become a pickle. Some become pickles sooner than others,
Left In The Brine Long Enough There Will Be No More Cucumbers, Only Pickles!!
My opinion: Everyone has the potential to become addicted to alcohol (brine) if they expose themselves often enough, long enough.
I think Your body is trying to tell You something.
I think the hangovers ARE physical
I think it's Your mind and the emotions that try to convince You otherwise.
Another great response from you my cyber friend in recovery!!!!i so agree!
If the hangovers were only physical, i would probably still drink, knowing i could just recover from them in a day, lol. But i VALUE my brain, so having this stuff mess up my mind, nope, can't deal with that. No thanks. Never been addicted to anything, and not trying to start now. As I said before, i was never a big drinker, didn't even drink in college, only this "socialite" bull, such a drinking culture and I just can't hang with everyone else. Fine and dandy. I was wondering if the anxiety was caused by that night and sure enough it was. I haven't drank since last week, and no desire to, no anxiety what so ever. A good friend of mine just passed away 2 days ago, and STILL no desire although im as sad as can be. These are the trying and testing times. I dont smoke, no drugs, not even coffee..Thanks for responding though! :) Got an appt with my doc next week, im one of those people who, when see a problem, TACKLE it, i just value my life and mind way too much, and how im feeling about my friend right now, wouldn't ever want my family and friends to feel this way. Total self LESS act...that i think kind of separates those who CONTINUE down the line of alcoholism and those who get the warning signs and STOP.
Also, yes people drink for the buzz but i know tons of people who claim that alcohol tastes good or that can drink a cold beer down like a soda. YUCK. Thats why i used to just take shots, i want to get that nasty taste down and over with. Sipping on a cocktail of that disgusting taste makes me want to hurl. If I can't take shots, then whats the point, its just such a gross taste.
Personality type is what seems to separate those who continue on to become full blown addicts and those who can stop on their own with no real issues. Ive noticed that people i knew who became addicts, also had addictive qualities, they were quite impulsive MOST of the time, and a lot of their life's choices were selfish. I can't imagine knowing what i know, to continue and put my family and friends through seeing me spiral, and going through the mood changes, dealing with all of this, worrying about me. Im too empathetic when it comes to that, i can't have them doing it on my behalf, just cause i chose to have a BUZZ? That's just plain ole selfish. Most people drink, and a lot of people drink heavily, but i notice that as people in my family aged, they just stopped altogether, their party days were over, now its family, work, life. Then I have that uncle or two, who were always known as the more selfish ones even before their addiction to alcohol, that just kept it going throughout their 30s, 40s, 50s. Personality type, definitely matters.
No one recognizes their own addiction early on, lest there would be no addictions.
It's called "denial".
and I hear it in You.
You are mistaken that personality type "definitely" matters. One does not become addicted because of "personality" One becomes addicted because the SUBSTANCE (ie.,tobacco, heroin, ALCOHOL) is addicting.
I repeat, EVERY cucumber/person BECOMES a pickle left in the
brine/alcohol long enough.
cucumbers don't even have personalities
so You see
Personality matters not at all
Suggesting that "personality type" is what separates addicts from those with no "real issues", suggests that one personality may be stronger than another and that simply is not true. Personality isn't the culprit , it's the SUBSTANCE that is addicting; smoke long enough You WILL become addicted to tobacco; shoot heroin enough times You WILL become addicted to heroin; smoke enough meth, You WILL become addicted to meth; drink alcohol long enough You WILL become an alcoholic - Your body AND mind becomes dependent on ADDICTIVE substances, no matter Your personality. For some reason many of us want to think (deny) it's different with alcohol but it is not!!
I find many of Your comments pertaining to alcohol and Your use of it, concerning (denying). I do not say this to offend You
i do believe in the disease concept of addiction....if u haven't read any of the science behind this you should!i have a lot of denied alcoholism in my family.....all of them dead now.i never had an OFF switch early on in my drinking....tried like hell to find it...w/drugs too.I finally surrendered to the fact that i'll never have one.....and i have a healthy fear of the FIRST one of anything!this healthy fear has kept me sober/clean for going on 30 years!