I don't know You, but I am SO Proud of You to remain sober for 12 YEARS!! That's big!!, really, really BIG. You would be disappointed in YourSelf if You were to let YourSelf down in Your Recovery after all that You've put into it. You would have to do 12 MORE years and 1 day to beat the record You have now. Why would You want to start over when You already have 12 YEARS under Your belt!!??
That being said, I am sympathetic to Your issues now (prolapsed disk and having been rear ended) but I fail to see how going back into alcohol would remedy any of this. I only see it as ANOTHER addition to the problems You have going on now.
You've already shown success of Your Power and Determination, and the Strenght to do that for TWELVE YEARS!!
I beg You PLEASE!! Don't let YourSelf down - PLEASE!! don't disappointment me either cuz I believe in YOU!! - and I WILL be disappointed if You take that first drink after all this time!!
ONE is TOO many, because one is NEVER enough!! and if You don't take the first one, then You don't have to worry about the rest. You already know this - practice it some more, PLEASE!!
I had 27 1/2 years sober in AA and almost the same thing happened to me, but with a sad ending. I'm a photographer. I needed to build a set and instead of waiting for help I arranged it by myself; moving a couch and a big ficus tree among other props. I herniated a disc and got bulges in other areas of the lumbar region. I had really bad sciatica, with 2 weeks to wait before I could get an epidural. Walking took the pain away somewhat but nights were nightmares. No sleep and screaming pain down my leg into my kneecap. My doc gave me vicodin and one night In desperation I took one. It didn't do anything for my pain. I think the only thing that would have worked would have been industrial strength morphine. One of my mistakes was to keep the remaining vicodin around the house "for a rainy day". Another big mistake was not to expect any judgement from fellow AA members when I mentioned to my group that i had taken a vicodin. Expectations are premeditated resentments. To make a long story short, within 2 years I was addicted to opiates, with no more sobriety. Now, after 3 withdrawals over 4 years I have 129 days clean.
My epidural worked well, I had 3 actually. You're blessed that you can hold out until your epidural, refusing the Tram. Very smart move on your behalf. Some of us have the addiction disease so bad we can't tolerate any mind altering drugs, even from our Doctor. My sponsor has had 2 major surgeries, he didn't get addicted. But it's not a chance we should take if we can help it.
By the way, I have walked my way to a healthy back with a minimum of 2 miles a day for 4 years. I still need to watch out what i lift.
God bless, I wish you speedy recovery.
HI Trace, thanks so much for posting, and telling us about your back problems, the worry of an ovarian cyst, and your long term sobriety being at risk. I, too, am very proud that refused the Tramadol and are hanging on to your sobriety, I can't wait to hear that tomorrow the epidural works, and your pain is relieved. I have a terrible problem with my back as well, degenerative disc disease, and can't work because of it and know how depressing that can be. Please hold on to your sobriety and don't drink. today...just one hour........one more day....... You're one of the examples on this forum, that make us who and what we are, together, we are a strength to be reckoned with and your reaching out for support, is all part of that strength. I'm glad that you have your faith...for it can move mountains ~
It's when we are tested that are recovery fully activates I have truly come to believe this.
Sending you a hug from the UK:-)
U r so right!recovery fully activates when life hands us a lemon and we r forced to make lemonade....i'm watching my 94 yr.old mother who has struggled with Lewy Body Dementia for years die in a skilled care nursing home.....it was recently discovered that she has colon/stomach cancer......and i say God how much more does she have to endure?:(I feel like a part of me is going /her....and i know many who've lost a beloved parent have felt this way.She has supported my 29 years of recovery...even in her dementia remembering my sobriety date!And i must forge ahead thru this thing called life....sober and clean!