Depression and Alcoholism = Me

[Lilarose]

This is my first post on this topic.  I was diagnosed years ago with depression and I have tried all the meds available and none help, so I have been winging it on my own, so to speak.  I am a 70 yr old female with a family history of alcoholism on one branch of the family tree.  Father died from it, great grandfather committed suicide, aunt died in her 50's from it, nephew was "saved" by Serenity Lane resident treatment and never looked back to alcohol, but I have a drinking problem that slowly grew as I got older.  I didn't drink much until age 18, then it was seldom, ex-husband is alcoholic which is why I left marriage in 1973 and never remarried, but as the years passed I started drinking more and more, but it wasn't too bad until I retired in 1997 and started drinking during the day.  Now I can't seem to help myself.  Went to one AA meeting a couple of years ago (I live in a very small town) and it was all women which was good, but they turned off the lights and lit a candle and that was depressing to start with.  All seem to be very close friends, I was welcomed but I wanted to talk about how to quit and they just wanted to talk about their day as they went from person to person.  So I figure treatment is one thing and support is AA.  I am beginning to think I have to break the law and go to jail to get alcoholic treatment.  Other than Serenity Lane in my state, which is private and insurance doesn't cover it, there is no place for alcoholics to get treatment.  My primary doc actually does research for depression but he isn't helpful regarding alcoholism.  I think the two can go hand in hand.  So I don't know where to go to get help, and I am 70 now, have other health issues (diabetes which isn't doing badly) and osteoarthritis (two knee and one toe joint replacements).  I live alone with my two cats and I seem to have lost my friends over the years, some have passed, some have their own problems, but I think to be honest they don't want to be around me anymore.  I do keep busy (jewelry making classes, beach walking since I live near it, a bit of travel, reading, gardening.  I really have nothing to complain about at all except I can't seem to stop drinking.  And I do not want to die like my dad did, but I seem to be heading that way.  My older sister has same problem but more support as she has a significant other.  I know this is a long story (I am also a retired typing teacher!).

[ibizan]

U r a prime xample of really wanting help.....and seeking it out...and u found it.......if u want recovery u will find  away to make it happen for urself!This was my credo......i put as much energy in2 my recovery as i did seeking alcohol.....drugs......and going in2 bars drinking purchasing alcohol etc......i refocused NEGATIVE energy into POSITIVE energy!