Aa
Have i got a problem w/alcohol-part 2
there is no such thing as can't quit....its just not ready too.... and won't quit!
COMMUNITY LEADER
yes it is getting tedious...and a lot of recovery energy has been expended here....and i think ppl need to conserve their energy...as i'm going to.....u have hit the nail on the head.....enjoy what ur doing.....u state u r lazy and not ready to quit and rationalize ur behavior so it is what it is!
OK, I remembered one more thing about i-couldn`t-even-cuddle-my-cat night. And it doesn`t prove that I don`t have a problem, but opposite... But I`m not trying to prove I don`t have a problem, but to be honest... So, while i was freaking out, I searched every little detail of my room that night trying to find something, anything psychoactive...
Don`t you find this boring?
Don`t you find this boring?
Thanks for caring... Actually, I also hope that I`ll change my way of viewing things, I would like to be a different person... But I`m not, and I’m too lazy to do anything about it.
But I really can stop. I just have to want it. But I don`t. And you didn`t stop, because you didn`t want to do anything about it, just like me... I want to stop w/alcohol so I will. Because I can...
And those statements that define an addict, just prove me I`m not one... I admit I have some problems with alcohol, but I had really never done half of that stuff, or I did once or twice
I´ll explain every statement... But you don`t have to read it because it`ll be really long post...
- drinking 7 days a week... (just once it was every day in one month but 15 days of that were winter holidays, so... and I haven`t drank all day long, just at evening, maybe once or twice 2 times a day)
- I have never literally look at the clock, my time was when my mother went to her room at the evening
- about holidays - Almost every time there is some bar, I was miserable just once when nothing was opened and I could go out during the week so that night I should have been enjoying the evening with my friend
- I drink alone because I don`t go out every day, and my parents don`t notice then so I don`t have to listen to them or cause problems, and my bed is close when I pass out. When I go out, i feel bed after I pass out. Then I`m a burden
- Ok, I hate myself really often because of my drinking and get depressed and hopeless
- Ok, I told myself I will stop drinking zillion times, and every time was "different", but now it really is because I feel strong enough, and that`s because of talking to you who were in worse situation then I am and still succeeded to stop
- I haven`t cried, I was just depressive and full of hate (once, and only once, I even couldn`t cuddle my cat because I was freaking out) when I drank and smoked everything and spent all my money... and I weren`t craving anything, I just needed to escape from reality or missed the habit
- I don`t have a child, but recently I was invited on some birthdays after I don`t know how much time, and I should have bought some weed with me, but I smoked it alone
- I don`t have do the finances 4 my family so... But I spend what I should be eating in school on alcohol and drugs... I have to sacrifice myself a little bit 4 what I want. That`s normal process in life
OK, I did lot of that things… (And I`m excusing myself… F**k…) But not as often as you… Ibizan, I know what you said about "I didn`t do this"... i`m not doing it to prove that I don`t have a problem, but to prove that I`m not so deep as you think I am...
It`s not a problem for me to talk to you, it`s ok, but I find myself boring right now... I have too much to say and rationalize... Ahh... (Croatian sound of exhaustion)
But I really can stop. I just have to want it. But I don`t. And you didn`t stop, because you didn`t want to do anything about it, just like me... I want to stop w/alcohol so I will. Because I can...
And those statements that define an addict, just prove me I`m not one... I admit I have some problems with alcohol, but I had really never done half of that stuff, or I did once or twice
I´ll explain every statement... But you don`t have to read it because it`ll be really long post...
- drinking 7 days a week... (just once it was every day in one month but 15 days of that were winter holidays, so... and I haven`t drank all day long, just at evening, maybe once or twice 2 times a day)
- I have never literally look at the clock, my time was when my mother went to her room at the evening
- about holidays - Almost every time there is some bar, I was miserable just once when nothing was opened and I could go out during the week so that night I should have been enjoying the evening with my friend
- I drink alone because I don`t go out every day, and my parents don`t notice then so I don`t have to listen to them or cause problems, and my bed is close when I pass out. When I go out, i feel bed after I pass out. Then I`m a burden
- Ok, I hate myself really often because of my drinking and get depressed and hopeless
- Ok, I told myself I will stop drinking zillion times, and every time was "different", but now it really is because I feel strong enough, and that`s because of talking to you who were in worse situation then I am and still succeeded to stop
- I haven`t cried, I was just depressive and full of hate (once, and only once, I even couldn`t cuddle my cat because I was freaking out) when I drank and smoked everything and spent all my money... and I weren`t craving anything, I just needed to escape from reality or missed the habit
- I don`t have a child, but recently I was invited on some birthdays after I don`t know how much time, and I should have bought some weed with me, but I smoked it alone
- I don`t have do the finances 4 my family so... But I spend what I should be eating in school on alcohol and drugs... I have to sacrifice myself a little bit 4 what I want. That`s normal process in life
OK, I did lot of that things… (And I`m excusing myself… F**k…) But not as often as you… Ibizan, I know what you said about "I didn`t do this"... i`m not doing it to prove that I don`t have a problem, but to prove that I`m not so deep as you think I am...
It`s not a problem for me to talk to you, it`s ok, but I find myself boring right now... I have too much to say and rationalize... Ahh... (Croatian sound of exhaustion)
I think at your age we were all rationalising our addictions,
We told ourselves we could stop if we wanted to,but for some reason we never did,
When you get to drinking 7 days a week,
When you can't wait for the clock to tell you it's ok to start drinking now,
When you become agitated because you forgot a public holiday was coming up and nowhere is open to buy alcohol,and you have run out and you start to panic.
When you sit at home in your bedroom drinking alone,not wanting to let people see how much you drink,
When you hate yourself because you drink,and get depressed,
When you tell yourself no more,but that night you hit the bottle again,
When you have cried in desperation because you can't afford the alcohol you crave
When you have told your children you can't afford to do something with them,but you still sit there and have your alcohol.
When you are spending more on alcohol for yourself than on groceries for the whole family.
These are things that to me defined my alcoholism.
After 34 years of destructive behaviour and finding out my liver couldn't take it any more I knew I had to put a stop to it.
You,one day will have that realisation, I just hope it happens before you ruin your life or someone elses.
Keep talking to us-at least you are questioning your decisions,and hopefully one of us can steer you in the right direction.
Take Care
Denise
We told ourselves we could stop if we wanted to,but for some reason we never did,
When you get to drinking 7 days a week,
When you can't wait for the clock to tell you it's ok to start drinking now,
When you become agitated because you forgot a public holiday was coming up and nowhere is open to buy alcohol,and you have run out and you start to panic.
When you sit at home in your bedroom drinking alone,not wanting to let people see how much you drink,
When you hate yourself because you drink,and get depressed,
When you tell yourself no more,but that night you hit the bottle again,
When you have cried in desperation because you can't afford the alcohol you crave
When you have told your children you can't afford to do something with them,but you still sit there and have your alcohol.
When you are spending more on alcohol for yourself than on groceries for the whole family.
These are things that to me defined my alcoholism.
After 34 years of destructive behaviour and finding out my liver couldn't take it any more I knew I had to put a stop to it.
You,one day will have that realisation, I just hope it happens before you ruin your life or someone elses.
Keep talking to us-at least you are questioning your decisions,and hopefully one of us can steer you in the right direction.
Take Care
Denise
And I know the risk. And the death doesn`t seem to me as bad as this life on this planet. And than again. I won`t ever kill myself, I guess. I would ruin my familly...
And I hate the way all this sounds... So f*cking miserable...
And I hate the way all this sounds... So f*cking miserable...
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