Husband in Alcohol Rehab and do not know where

[Robinlynn1206]

I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 4. We have went to several near death with his over drinking and several rehabs. He is not abusive to me..sweetest man you will ever meet. until he drinks..then i watch him stumble, fall, pee on himself, and pass out. This last time I left the house on Thanksgiving day due to his drunkeness and saying bad things to me..I ended up in the emergency room and hospital for 4 days with bleeding inside due to high blood pressure and stress..When I was in the hospital he had went on one of his destroying the house episodes, doing horrible things, throwing away my medicine, pictures, taking the mattress outside, before he left he cut the water hose and electirical hoses on the dryer and washing machine and flooded the house..He stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks and I told him he had to get help..just couldn't do this anymore. He called and said bye and I found out from his parents that he is in a rehab but he cant write or call..they want tell me where..I filed for divorce and it will be final in Feb..He will have no idea of the divorce..I miss him so much and I know that sounds bad, but we always had fun and did things until the drinking got heavy again. Im paying a lawyer and now I really feel guilty...His mom says let it go..but don't get a divorce..he can't work on a marriage until he works on himself..my thing is ..i need to talk to him before the divorce is final..just to see how he is doing..I am so confused..I do love him so much and miss him..Do I call off the Divorce and wait for him, do i go through with it and maybe down the road we can get back together..i just don't know what to do..

[ibizan]

So glad ur sticking to ur committment to stick to ur limit setting!Both of u have ur own recovery programs to work.....u work urs and he must work his.Sure hope he can look at the others who've been in jail/prison and conclude there4 by the grace of God could have gone ME!

[Robinlynn1206]

Went very well had a 4 hour visit..We had to sit in one room (living room)..but i think that is great they are monitored like that..I took him a lot of snacks and his shorts he asked for. I didn't realize he sleeps in one big room with about 14 people..But you are right he put himself there and he tried to tell me how people steel stuff and all the drama that happens there..I felt sorry but, stuck to my guns about his commitment.  Most of the people there have been in jail or trouble with drugs and such..so he feels like he is better but, i told him he has been in prison since he was 15 with the alcohol so he is no different. And yes he treated me like a queen, but he has always done that in his sober times..It was a long day, 5 hours of driving there and back..saw a big boar running along the side of the highway and it freaked me out..As much of an animal lover that i am..this thing was UGLY...not like the normal cute little pig..So that is my story for today..Thanks to all for your advise and encouragement. RPooo, you hit it right on the nose of how he would act..But he knows he can't come home yet..Have a good night..I have to work at the vet clinic tomorrow so i got to get up early.Good nite

[ibizan]

Jump back Jack!I asked her that for she'd mentioned it in a previous post about flooding...its a stressor when one has to pay damages in a rental house they have to move out of!......on top of everything else going on!Take a chill pill and catch a meeting why doncha?:)

[rpooo]

I think its great Robin that you are still trying to be there for him. Stick to what you just said. Do not let him out of his 12 month commitment of sobriety. Don't be nervous either, he has a lot to be sorry about. He has done this to himself, so it's time to face the music and he is. Dont listen to his stories about how badly he is treated there and that he just wants to come home.

Life is much better through sober eyes and for some reason he has not realized it with the other times he has been to rehab. Rehab is a place for healing and people that want to change their life Not just somewhere you go when your homeless and have destroyed relationships with those that love you.

Be strong today you should expect to be treated like a queen anything less is an insult. Enjoy your day and drive safe! Take care!

Randy

[Robinlynn1206]

I appreciate all the concern and advice..Redbull is right about people causing damage from resentment. I know what i am getting back into..I know how to handle it and the last 2 months have made ME a lot stronger..I am up getting ready right now because I am driving over 2 hours to see him for the first time since Thanksgiving. I am excited yet scared. I didn't get any sleep last night because my son chewed me out about going to see him..Even his own brother thinks I'm wrong. What happened to following your heart for a change. My divorce is still pending..it is just slowed down at this point..I am taking care of myself..I work my butt off at a vet clinic part time and going to alanon meetings, plus helping out at the animal shelter to keep my mind off things..I have to move by end of feb because my landlord has decided to sell the house..So I have alot on my plate now and I really don't need my family talking about not having anything to do with me if I continue talking to my husband and helping him through this..He has made a 12 month committment to better himself..He can leave if he wants..but he would be on the streets..that is what we have all told him..So it is not like he is coming home in the next month..He is there till Dec of 2012..or he will be on the streets..I love him but this is tough love..

[redbull]

I believe step 9 comes after 12345678 Give the guy a chance, he's in a recovery center right now. Robinlynn is doing her part one day at a time with her alanon. She has steps to do and so does he. Just because she loves him doesn't mean she's NOT taking care of herself. I know for a fact that resentment can kill an alcoholic, I'm sure that resentment will do her harm too. Whats with all the concern about who's paying for what at this point? Sounds to me like they're both right where they both need to be at this moment.