Your boyfriend is not an idiot and you are insulting his intelligence by your behavior, you are heading for a fall and when you do the people you are harming with your behavior may not want to be around when you hit the bottom....
you need to get yourself into rehab or some recovery program without delay
Until you get totally honest with yourself nothing will change. I thought i was good at hiding it too......how wrong i was. The more people that you involve with your addiction the better you will be. Having support from your loved ones is a big plus but until you look yourself in the eye and admit there is a problem the same behavior will continue. We have a saying in the substance abuse forum...."nothing changes if nothing changes". Please get into some type of aftercare. You dont have to be a slave to this any longer. You have the key that unlocks these chains that are dragging you down into the pits of he!!. sara
I know, I know. I am honest with myself of knowing that I have a problem, I just haven't been honest to myself to admit that it is best to allow support so that I can recover and live a healthy life. My boyfriend is not stupid and I know that it is a matter of time that he finds out my sneaky ways and then he will lose a great deal of trust in our relationship. I do not want to be the cause of hurting our relationship. He knows that I have "questioned" if I am an alcoholic. I am deceitfully trying to show him that I am not, which is literally crazy. I have not drank in 2 days and he's even out of town which would be prime to relax and drink and not have to worry about getting caught- I know I am sounding crazy but I am being honest. This is about me and taking care of me. I have an AA women's meeting tonight that I love- I have been going on and off, but more so off. I asked a woman to be my sponsor about 3 months ago, but I was reluctant and did not follow through. I'll start with AA instead of rehab right now. My problem is that I am still in denial and I have "wishful" thinking to be a "normal" drinker. It is crazy. I have not been honest with myself and a very deceiving girlfriend. I hate the way that sounds. I want to change. Alcoholism is so cunning as they say. The disease makes us sick and could die and it spreads and makes others around us sick, usually the ones we love the most. I've been reading "Gifts of Sobriety", it is an amazing book. It completely hits home to me. It helps me to understand me and to want to kick this disease in its ugly disturbing a**. Thanks for your input :)
Hello there. I've had similar experiences as you, I think. I was prescribed Campral to help me to not drink or have cravings. The drug, taken as prescribed, lets me wonder why I'm drinking at all...I think, "a coke or tea would be much better". The problem is, my alcoholic mind is still the same. "You should have a drink. It's 5:00.", or "you probably need a drink...", for whatever reason. Then, with Campral, you cannot get drunk. I don't think there's anyway around it. The only freedom I've really known from this disease was when I was in AA, and living the program with the help of my sponsor. I'm still full of excuses now, but when I drop this fear, maybe there's another, better recovery in me.
Wendybell pretty much said it all, these drugs may take the physical cravings away but you must deal with the emotional and mental damage you have done and there is no drug that can do this, get back to your meetings and use the program....
The first thing you should ask yourself is why you drink. If you're depressed or anxious, get it treated and you may find your desire to drink will diminish.