A lot of different thoughts going through my head

[Runner3]

I look at the Alcoholism forum daily.  I've been on here before, but as of now I keep drinking. Once or twice during the week and then on Fri and Sat nights.  Once a week I will black out.   I recently read a post from 2009 that a husband wrote about his wife.   I just printed it out.  I'm hoping that if I read this post every day that it will give me the strength to be a better wife/mother to my family because I am the wife in the story.  When I read it my heart just sank realizing that my husband could have written it about me.  I've known for a very long time that I am alcoholic.  I wish things were different.  I have a lot of anxiety which I wonder if the anxiety has to do with my drinking?  I'm going in for a physical on Wed and going to talk to my Dr about everything.  
   I look back on my life and don't feel to good about myself.  :(
I'm so happy for all of you who have been and stayed sober.  It is not an easy thing to do.  There are so many other joys in life.  I will get there one day.  I have to.

[OpenMind24hours]

Alcoholism, as you learned at the AA meetings, is a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. One drink and suddenly our heads out to get our a-s. only complete sobriety can make us and keep us normal. I couldn't stand to hold back or take a day off from drinking. It was killing me, yet every day I drank to "completion" until I finally had enough, just like u describe. When I finally stopped  I stayed sober for 27 1/2 years in AA until I got on pain pills for a back injury and eventually started drinking again. This time it was much harder to stop and be happy not drinking. No way I'd be sober today without the meetings.

I've been retired for 12 years. You have a genuine concern about drinking and retirement. It's much easier to get caught up in drinking when we have no responsibilities the next morning. Dangerous. You know, it's much easier standing at the edge of the hole looking down, than way deep in the hole looking up.

The most important thing about the meetings are the steps. The meetings work if we work it. Drinking is nothing but a symptom of our disease. We tackle our disease on the 3 fronts: physical, mental and spiritual. The mental part is WHY we drink. Steps 4 thru 9 are designed to get to the bottom of all that. We learn to love and respect ourselves using those steps. They are life changing.

In order to stop, we must first stop. Then build a program of recovery by getting busy working the steps or working on what ever you choose as your program of recovery. A true commitment is necessary, including telling your doctor. You have a disease, nothing to be ashamed of. Staying sober and happy at the same time is completely doable.

Glad you posted. Realizing you have a problem and need help with it is the first step in good recovery. Keep posting! Start your own thread on this forum. Keep on keeping on!

[sal621]

Hi, Just want to wish you the very best in your trying to give up the drink.. i am on the first stages and finding it very difficult. for the past year or so i've slowly lost more and more of the life i had before i drank, i have been so ignorant by drinking to block out my own issues to notice what i've done to those around me...i don't enjoy a drink but the effect it has but then i feel bad as i know i shouldn't and then i feel very down... i am doing everything in my power now to sort this problem out.. i just hope it's not too late. wish you the very best .. Sal

[txsman]

This looks like a very good forum. I have been drinking for about 7 years after bypass surgery. I only drink wine or beer but do so daily and cannot stop when I start although I have tried many times. I went to AA but relapsed so often my sponsor  ditched me. I tell myself every day I will not drink. It last until 5 or 6 then I have one glass of wine, then 2, then 3. I retire the end of September and worry about the days and drinking. I will not drink today. I have not seen a doctor about this. Can they help? My wife drinks also but only one glass of wine. Wish I could do that.  

[BarbieBell]

This is me again. I also want to add, I am doing all of this with financial aid! I lost all of my money! Despite circumstances, there are Hand-ups. Which I prefer to say than hand-outs.

[BarbieBell]

I also wanted to say, as much as you love your role as a wife and/or any other relationship roles you are in, ie mother, daughter, friend, sister... For me it was impossible to quit for someone else and keep it.
I am sober for almost 2 years. I was in jail for 76 days, two in house rehabs, multiple outpatient... Ouch ouch ouch! I have two delightful adult children, my angel mother died 3 months before I got sober, I have brothers and sisters who adore me, friends I would die for. I just finally did this for me. It opened my eyes, cleared my head. I say "Nothings says I love me as much as baking myself a batch of cookies!" You MUST love yourself. Most alcoholics do not. Don't be afraid of yourself! Let yourself love you! It will be hard. I didn't know my own body or mind. I didn't like living in there! I was afraid. I had to will myself through uncomfortable times. I let myself eat a lot of cookies! I watched movies all the way through! I went back to college and got straight A's. I graduated community college and was awarded a 3.5 GPA or better $6,000 scholarship to a university. I take yoga, I ride my bike. I revel in my children's success and their happiness in having their Mom back! I lost my old drinking buddies who wasted my time and wanted to drag me back. I still like them, I'm not afraid of drinking with them, I just don't have time. I went white water rafting yesterday. Today I am taking a computer class.
Relax, take a breath, let your husband take care of the kids. Take some time to take care of you! Get in touch with who YOU are! You cannot take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself. Open your arms and allow the miracle of this world embrace you and lift you away from your addiction.

[ibizan]

Ambien is also physically addicting.Should you ever decide to go off it do so gradually with your doctors advice. to avoid withdrawal effects.Did your doctor know your history w/alcohol b4 prescribing this?I think there are better things for sleep that aren't habit forming than Ambien.It carries warning that is should not be used by those with alcohol/drug issues!

[BarbieBell]

Read "The Easy Way" to control your drinking. Both my sister and I quit after reading this book. AA does not work for everyone. Neither of us do. I haven't had a drink in 2 years this July 7. Don't want one. I will not tempt fate. Start out as an experiment. I also started taking anti depressant, 20 mg Citalopram. It is amazing how good you feel when you combine quitting a depressant and taking an anti depressant. I also got a prescription for Ambien. I sleep like a baby. That was a major block for me which was relatively easy to overcome. I was afraid of trying to sleep. I figure the improvement of my entire life is worth a new psychological addiction to 5 mg of Ambien. My children now adore me, at 54 I just graduated college, my friends and family are dancing like I am an angel. They are so happy to have "me" back. I am so angry with alcohol. It is not your friend. It pretended to be and stabbed me in the back, robbing me of precious time and memories.

[jay710]

im going through the same thing but im determend to stop and have stoped for a long period its jus the anxiety but i will get through it and hope u do to

[jay710]

i wish u luck

[10356]

Hi Runner..
I'm sure glad to see you back here. I have followed you and have thought of you often. I just want to add my support and to assure you Life is so much better without the booze.. so much. Welcome back ! lesa

[addict3]

I remember drinking and wishing I did not do it as I turned up the bottle.
My "want to "was just not strong enough.
When you want to stop more than you want to swallow you will quit.

Be honest with your Dr.,don't drink on anything he might give you for anxiety that is a bad combination. I think the drinking is causing you a considerable amount of anxiety.

As you say "There are so many other joys in life".
I promise you will enjoy so many things on this side.

I hope you let someone help show you the way!
Good Luck!!