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1886897 tn?1328327536

Sobriety is Scary

My name is Jim and I am an alcoholic; my last drink was 45 days ago.

I started this post hoping that this would give some of us a chance to share our feelings, fears, experiances, and support mechanisms.

I, for one, am not comfortable in groups of people (sharing my feelings or not), so I was hoping this might give me (and others like me) both an emotional outlet as well as a forum that doesn’t take me too far out of my comfort zone.
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Avatar universal
Hey phsycodog,

I'd be happy to keep touch. We've all made our mistakes but the fact we are given this opportunity to change can't be all bad. Have a good night and congrats on another day.

Fides_et_Specs
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
U r so funny.......rpoohbearbutt was supposed to take the dogs out!:)congrats dude...keep truckin......
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1886897 tn?1328327536
Day 100

Yes, that's right, Day 100. One Zero Zero. Ten to the tenth power. Triple digits baby. Whouda thunk it? Not  me! fist pump, fist pump, as he strikes the Carles Atlas pose. Who let the dogs out? whoof, whoof, whoof, whoof. This was a joint effort, I couldn't have done it without all of you, so Thank You.
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1886897 tn?1328327536
And a Happy New Year to you as well Randy! The moment passed, kind of like putting myself in a time out. if it's not spontaneous it's no fun.
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1475202 tn?1536270977
Oh by all means be yourself. Humor is a great thing we can never have too much of! Happy New years Jim!
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1886897 tn?1328327536
Jeez...I have one liners, witty, quirky thoughts, lots of historical information that I could distort to my needs, I could probably come up with some derogitory remarks about Texas, have tons of Santa material (I can make that up on command), it's all open, waiting for me, begging really, just wanting to be let loose, a little walk on the wild side, my side of the tracks...but, I said I'd play nice, I'll honor that. Enjoy it though, I can't guarantee how long it'll last
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1475202 tn?1536270977
Well a good choking he might deserve, he's crapped on my house more than once too. ha ha
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495284 tn?1333894042
I would never shoot Rudolph!!
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1886897 tn?1328327536
Welcome; I know it's scary, I, for one, was terrified. There are lots of wonderful people on this forum that will provide you with invaluble advice and support. My only regret is that I didn't do this 25 years ago. Some of the stories of my drunken escapades are almost unbelievable. I should write an autobiography, only it would have to be sold in the fiction section, nobody would believe it's true, hence no non-fiction.

Randy- your point is taken. I shouldn't belittle others customs or beliefs just because I disagree with them. I was getting a little too comfortable here; that's never good for me.
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495284 tn?1333894042
Welcome to the forum, we are here to support you~~sara
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1959543 tn?1325177456
Amazing postings and inspirational!  I'm about to start my own journey and reading yours and others comments make it less scary to me to start.  Thank you for being so open. I hope you are having a good day and remember to breathe.
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1475202 tn?1536270977
Good morning! Day 94! Terrific job you have really made some amazing progress my friend. I am very glad to see you post and talk about your feelings. I think you must find a lot of strength from this group and that is cool. You are a perfect example of how this group can work for anyone who needs help. Primarily due to our mutual friends Sarah and Ibizzy! Yet I wonder, what is your long term plan? What I mean is that have you set any goals set for yourself. Striving to reach your goals and making accomplishments  is also another way to help keep you on track and feeling great about yourself.
Since by now I imagine you have a good handle on things but of course being an alcoholic is a battle that is going to continue for your lifetime. It will get easier and easier.  

Set your goals high make your loved ones even more proud. Typically as alcoholics we put our loved ones through a lot of BS, yet still they have continued to stay by you and love you. It may be time for some payback. Show them what a great guy you really are inside. That my friend is a small dose of Christmas perspective. It doesn’t have to be about not believing in God or jokes of shooting reindeer.

Happy Holidays!
Randy
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1886897 tn?1328327536
I apologize if I was unclear; what I meant to convey was that when I was drinking, if the opportunity presented itself to take prescription medications with alcohol, that was a bonus round. My personal favorite was muscle relaxers, but I wasn't picky. Generally, anything that said "do not drink alcohol while taking this medication" was good enough for my purposes.

I've had a rough couple of days on a number of fronts, so if I seem a little freaked out, it's because I am. Bear with me, it's happened before, it'll pass in a day or two.
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Avatar universal
I am an alcoholic 4 years sober.  This year, holiday has been the hardest by far that I came so damn close to drinking, I am surprised I didn't. I take a prescription med, and have been taking more of that, so now I have to tell my DR and get me on the right dosage, because the 3 hours it lasts is not enough.  I know I am weak in times of severe stress with any substance.  I am also BP 1, PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, etc.  I also have a tough time going to outside meetings like AA. I don't like large crowds, and also I take medication late afternoon that makes me very sleepy when the meetings are going on.  
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495284 tn?1333894042
Using is not an option here.  What sort of prescription drugs were you taking?
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1886897 tn?1328327536
Any suggestions on what I might do now? I have lots of not very good thoughts...
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1886897 tn?1328327536
I would agree that I am not my own BFF right now. It's been a culmination of the last three months; alcohol was always just a convenient solution. Or better yet, alcohol mixed with some prescription drugs. That's what I miss.

I was doing so well...now this. Very confused. So very confused.
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495284 tn?1333894042
If you can sing the song and take them out in order you get bonus pts!!

The good times are good but the bad times can be brutal.  We sound like a broken record but it will pass.  Try not to spend alot of time in your head as we dont make very good playmates in there.  I am proud of you for what you are accomplishing here.  It is tough but you are doing it, one day at a time~~
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1886897 tn?1328327536
I will be up most of the night waiting for Santa, Glock in my lap. If he enters by house, I consider that breaking and entering; I also set up Claymore's around my fireplace. Let him try that fireplace sh** around here.

Not to go from the gutter and straight to the sewer, but you most definatly haven't been playing in my sandbox if POOF and it's over is the final act...


Back to my mental health health, I am hanging on to my sanity by a precariously thin thread. I'm trying not to be overly dramatic, but I don't know where this came from. Just jumped onto my back from nowhere.


I'm kinda looking forward to seeing the reindeer; it'll be like target practice: BANG, down goes Dasher, BANG, down goes Dancer, BANG, down goes Comet: do I get more points if I take them out in order? If you see Santa, tell him he may want to avoid my house...
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
oh noooooooooooooooooooo honey don't hurt Rudolph...its not his fault!my holidays have changed 2 w/my dad gone.....and mom mentally/physically in ruins......i've had good xmas's past...indeed i have...so now its for lil kids and retailers!
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495284 tn?1333894042
I'm sitting in my bajammies as we speak, having a cup of coffee, dreading going to work today as people are going to be out of their minds.  It seems some have NO idea that Christmas is here!!!   Bunch of "FT's"!!!

Holidays were always a time of getting together for our family.  Now that my dad is gone we dont do that anymore.  I miss that.  It wasnt about the presents at our house.  I miss my dad everyday but holidays are the worst.  *sniff* *sniff*

I remember thinking those same thoughts psychodog.  They will pass in time. We didnt get this way overnight.   The important thing is that you dont act on them.  

Off to choke Rudolph!!
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Avatar universal
COMMUNITY LEADER
oh i am laughing!i share ur sentiments bout all the few days of cheeriness that some ppl exude then POOF!its over!like an ejaculation!:)oops dominosarah made me say that......i first got sober round holiday time...and i SO felt/thought like u....but then it didn't hafta be holiday for me to feel that way in my first year of sobriety!this 2 shall pass.....
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1886897 tn?1328327536
Day 88

Two more days and this happy horsepoop (not my word of choice, I would have prefered a stronger expletive) is over. Then people can go back to acting normal. Passing each other on the street and politely ignoring each other.

Why does everyone feel the need to wish me a merry christmas? Isn't that some sort of reverse discrimination thing? I mean, I know it's their constitutional right, first amendment is freedom of speech after all, but they should read further...second amendment is?? You geussed it...right to bear arms.

To get back on subject, the holidays do remind me that I miss alcohol. Not in the joyful, ho ho, ho, let's be merry, come all ye faithful, sort of miss, but the drink enough that after the first hour it really doesn't matter, and after the second I'd better be in my jammies at home in my chair kind of miss.

Okay, that slipped, I do miss it, if I could control it, but I can't, so I won't. Actually, there is an itsy, bitsy, tiny, part of me that would like to...I won't finish, you get the point.
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495284 tn?1333894042
I will bring the shovel~~
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1886897 tn?1328327536
I don't swear to god; that would infer that I believe in one, which I don't.

But yes, this could end now and that would be just fine by me. I hope it snows soon; snow banks are an easy place to dump bodies.
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