Let go of your fear, fear is forgetting everything about recovering, start with a larger dose, use as prescibed and just do it.
You are not alone for sure. It's 8:30 AM and I'm on my second vodka drink. Pretty sad. This is a new forum but well needing. We can support each other. I'm ready to stop too.....
Please really consider getting a doctor's advice and maybe going into the hospital if you're going to quit. I used to drink like you do and I know what it's like to try to detox at home with all those responsibilities and things going on with children. I think it would be much easier for you if you just had somewhere nice and quiet to lay down and people to take care of you and sort of monitor you, just in case you needed something, you never know. And why don't you give yourself a break? You are not the bad person you think you are. That terrible feeling of fear chasing you all the time is nearly over and you can finally step out into the sunshine.
Hi. I'm so happy you understand me. I'm scared..... This is over the top. I want to get sober but I don't want anyone to find out about this problem. I'm so ashamed...
If I go inpatient what is my first step?
Hello there. I know exactly where you're coming from. I have been off alcohol for 12 years now and can't believe I don't drink. I tried so hard to stop and just couldn't, so tried cutting down, and couldn't. The remorse, broken promises and insanity just about drove me nuts and my head just wouldn't shut up. Once I had accepted I was an alcoholic, which I fought for soooooooo long, that was when my recovery came. I now attend 12 step meetings regularly and they're great because everyone is just the same as me and it's not the worse thing in the world, although when you're going through it it feels like it. There is life after alcohol, and it's a wonderful world. Give yourself a chance to detox. I'm sure there are places that will take you straight away and if not, commit yourself to hospital. It's not your fault, you were born that way, so don't beat yourself up, you are not a bad person trying to be good, you're a sick person trying to get well. Good luck.
First you have to look at what your insurance will do for chemical dependency inpatient treatment. Hopefully they'll give you 28 days. And just talk to the people there. Probably your insurance company will have contracted out their mental health arm to another company so they'll refer you over there to talk to someone and they'll tell you you need a referral from your primary care doctor and a psychiatrist, which should not be a big deal. Go to your GP or straight to a psychiatrist if your ins. co. doesn't require a referral to one and tell him what's going on and your fears and how much you drink and emphasizing the loss of control and unmanagebility of your life right now. I don't know where you are, but hopefully he will be able to recommend a good treatment center at a hospital in your city so your family can come be a part of family groups and meetings, which are very important so they can get a picture of how they fit into all this. You will need their help when you get out Or I don't know how old the kids are so maybe not. But at least your husband will hopefully participate because alcoholism is a family disease and as you get better he's going to find that he's got a very different wife than the one he had before ;o) You will find that taking this time for you will be one of the greatest experiences of your life.
Downhearted, very well said. You just told my story. ;o) Congratulation on 12 years!
Hey thanks for that! My life sure is different now but I still get the 'crazies'!!!!! It took me a long time to get into recovery as I did really believe I could just control it by myself but proved again and again that I couldn't. It's great that my three children haven't seen me drink and it also gave me the courage to recently separate after 25 years of marriage. Man that hurts! All my defects have come back with a vengeance, especially fear of abandonment. Progress not recovery!
Hmmm, I always heard progress, not perfection. ;o) It took me 12 years of going to meetings and drinking before I would get willing to do the deal. And then I kicked my husband out after I finally was so miserable I had a nervous breakdown at ten years sober! Luckily my son was only two when I quit, but I'm surprised he lived that long to be honest. I was that kind of addict. I was a housewife. I called it that because in reality I was unemployable! But somehow I managed to get dinner on the table every day at 4:30 and I guess that's all that mattered. And now I have a wonderful 19 year old who has spent some time with me at the AA club and doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs!
Don't be so hard on yourself. Fear of abandonment What do you expect? Acknowledge that in a way you have been abandoned. You're not imagining it. And you're also in mourning. Grieving the marriage that you kept hoping for and finally have to come to terms with that it's not going to happen. That takes a little while to get past. So give yourself a break and get off your neck. Treat yourself the way you would a newcomer, because this is something you haven't done sober before and it calls for feelings (underlined.) You'll be fine. Just stick close to your meetings and your program. But, you know what to do.....
All you guys seem so happy without alcohol in your life, or the one's that have made it through the program. I'm envious, to say the least.
Charlie's girl - I feel ashamed too; really
Downhearted - I've tried cutting down, but soon as I feel good, like right now I want to have about 60 oz of beer, but no more because I work Thursday. At least I can stop there, well normally, and have sense to never drive under the influence.
I could never cut down either. That was when I realised that I really did have a problem because when I realised that I was drinking too much I thought that I'd just cut it back a bit. I was actually drinking more.. really pissed me off. I had crossed that line and now know that I am mentally different to others in that I just can't have one. In fact I can't have one of anything! (relate to that needsreaders?!). I got to the stage where I stopped making excuses (like a nice day, a bad day, too hot, too cold or whatever) and just drank because my body was screaming out for it. I either do or I don't and for me to do is to die, simple as that. If you think you have a problem you probably do. Of course it's hard to quit but it's a darn sight harder continuing and slowly rotting and destroying everything around you. Life does get better, a whole lot better, you just have to trust the process. That's why AA is so good because we're all in the same boat and have each other for support.
You're a honey, your story does sound like mine!!!! (I'm 47 by the way and live on the Gold Coast). I think I need Alanon too as I come from an alcoholic family, hence the abandonment stuff. People are my biggest problem. I often say I'd be okay if I was on a desert island but then I'd be lonely!!!!! Lovely hearing from you.
Yeah, I have absolutely no willpower, especially around other's who are drinking. I'm weak that way and try to avoid social situations that involve alcohol. The real problem is I LOVE drinking alone, it makes me feel content and comfortable. And I'm anti-social. You're right... I can never have just one... one always leads to two and two leads to three etc. I'm all or nothing personality and like acceptance in peer groups which again is very bad.
I hate being hung-over and I'm more concerned about my health lately. I'm 53 and been checked out with blood tests every 6 months, but have high triglycerides, (plaque in the blood) which can lead to stroke and heart attack. I'm on medication gemfibrozil (Lopid), to control that. I'm sure that's because of the beer consumption in excess, about 3-4 times a week.
I do feel alone because I haven't contacted anyone yet, but found a psychologist yesterday and made a appointment. I do have other problems ( too many to mention here ).
needsreaders - Yes, you're a 'honey' and appreciate your kind words the last few days!