I need to know how to cut down my drinking without leaving home?

[juniemoone]

Hello, I am a medical professional and have had the recent loss of my Father and Mother within 4 months this past year. I took care of both of them until they passed away, my Mom from Stomach Cancer and my Father from severe heart disease. I am the executor for the estate and there has been major fighting among the 4 other siblings.  It is a constant battle even though they didn't bother to help or come and see my Dad or Mom when they were ill.  In fact, they didn't see them for over 3 years even though the lived close by.  I also have had gastric by-pass which resulted in 9 surgeries and multiple complications and then I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.  I am over 40 lbs below my goal weight and am continuing to lose wt unintentionally.  I am 50 and was never addicted to anything in my life with the exception of food.  Now I can't eat because almost everything makes me very sick.  About a year ago when my Father was dying I began to smoke after 30 years of not smoking and then I started drinking wine.  It was moderate at first but now is totally out of control.  I drink up to 3 bottles a day and need to stop.  When I get up in the morning if I don't have a glass of wine, I shake.  I live in a very small community and medical information is not always confidential and I don't want to attend AA meetings due to the lack of confidentiality there.  Working in the medical field I have seen so much abuse of confidentiality it scares me.  I am not currently working because I have been disabled for the past two years but would like some day to be able to work again.  I would never work under the influence of anything and feel an urgent need to know how to stop this in it's tracks without going in to rehab.  I am the sole care taker for my teenage son who is almost 18.  His Father works out of town a lot and I need to be there for him.  I don't drink and drive, for sure and take care of things at home but I am certainly not at my best.  Is there a way for me to start weaning off the alcohol without going inpatient?  My Husband and I are currently separated after almost 25 years, not by his choice but mine, as when he isn't working, he is hunting or fishing and there have been numerous occasions when we couldn't locate him because he would turn his cell phone off because he didn't want to be disturbed. I did give him the option to join the Family but he decided at the time that we weren't that important.  I think I have provided a fairly stable home life for my Son on my own but now feel like I need help to stop this alcohol habit that will ultimately destroy me and certainly affect my Son's adulthood if I can't be there for him.  I hope I don't sound like I am whining but after taking care of others for so many years, I need a little help myself.  I know I am a survivor and will do what I need to too become happy and healthy and substance free again.  Thanks for listening!

[ibizan]

long ago i had ur dilemma of being a professional in a small town with sometimes wagging tongues...but i did not let it stop me from attending AA/NA and i got in my car and searched out a variety of different meetings in different towns.And i have discovered that most folks are consumed with their own stuff and do not think or talk about us as much as we think they do!You have a buffet table full on your plate.....and drinking will kill u..it will destroy ur health life and relationship with your son.It would be good for u to find a good substance abuse counselor plus have u googled Campral to see if it could help?i have seen it do wonders when folks combine it with sobriety a support group and meetings.I lost my dad approaching three years ago and my mom is in assisted living for Lewy Body Dementia.Yesterday i joined i brothers and sister for going thru their belongings sorting keeping pitching and it ripped my guts out....still is a tad.There is a lot of support here....and life out there.....full of travails for sure but alcohol will not make any of it disappear!

[Bob_D]

Dear Junie,

What a tragic story. My heart goes out to you.

I regret to tell you that no one I know who had a drinking problem and was able to quit was able to do so alone, so I would like to suggest a strategy for you for AA; since the only "requirement" for "membership" is a desire to stop drinking, you don't, in my view, need to label yourself "an alcoholic" to attend, if that makes you uncomfortable.

In the meetings, when sharing, you can adopt a technique of speaking about your experiences in generalities so that no one can specifically say you are talking about yourself. I recommend this technique for everyone. While not foolproof, this can help to reduce the "broadcast effect" that occasionally occurs, despite the best of intentions, in some AA groups.

Perhaps you could see your way to trying under the above suggested guidelines. It's really the most effective solution out there.

Good luck to you.

[TJack]

Well what  a platefull you have to deal with.   I am sorry for your loss of your parents and all the emotional turmoil you are going through.  Sounds like your husband just decided to take a break from it all.  Nice huh?  
I also had a gastric by pass, 5 1/2 years ago.  A couple more surgery's afterwards, from complications.  My drinking got out of hand a couple of years ago.  Never had a problem with it before.  Sound familiar.  I think we are on the same page here.  Can't eat away our sorrows now so we drink them away.  Hon, i don't know what to tell you if you can't go to AA.  It has been a life saver for me.  First thing I did was get all my close friends together and told them I am an alcoholic.  I now am going to a therapist once a week and AA meeting once a week.  It is a battle but all the support certainly does help.
What happens at one of those meetings stays there, you will probably see some familiar faces if you are in a small community.   You have got to get help or this drinking will kill you.  I never drank 3 bottles of wine, but wine was my drink of choice.  I could and did have blackouts on 1 1/2 or 2 bottles.  I was just sick of myself.   My husband has been my rock.  And yours needs to have his arse kicked.  There is a life out there after the bottle so i hope you seek help somewhere.  If you can go to a rehab place.
You could always say you are going on a long needed vacation.  Keep posting. TJ
ps>Lots of great help on this site too.  Hang in there.