What did it for me was passing out from blood loss and getting admitted to the hospital. I was diagnosed with liver damage and was there for a week. The only time I had been in a hospital was when I was born. My doctor told me if I continued to drink I would die. Scared the s#%t out of me. I never went to meetings but did go online every day. I would see my doctor and get blood work done to access your health. Then stay with this group and read-read-read and help other people like yourself. If drinking is no longer "fun", why do it? Hang in there-you are stronger than you think.
I got clean and sober in '99. At that time i went to my last Outpatient rehab at the local hospital. Being able to focus on the underlying causes of using was most, in your case case, you mentioned using alcohol to numb pain and alleviate social anxiety. During rehab, and talking anonymously in the closed rooms of AA , as much as we need to, allows us to free ourselves of the bondage and chains that bind us. You need to do AA wholeheartedly. For me that meant going to "closed" same sex meetings and opening up and becoming involved. Opening up in the closed meetings really helps to stop social anxiety. You find yourself and others talking relatively easily about the most challenging issues in our lives, and you immediately get a sense of belonging once you join in. I think AA didn't stick because you didn't earn your way in, by talking. Once you do, you know you're where you belong. I hope you give AA a real chance, (while it is still your choice, one more DUI and it'll probably be court ordered with a stipulation to have an attendance signature). I suggest that you go to a closed same sex meeting, and plan on looking for someone you can ask to be your sponsor. Also, you can do yourself a favour and ask if you can sign up to help with the coffee and the chairs. It feels good to be of service in the meetings. It's a whole different perspective when you're all in, at AA. A sponsor will help you with the 12 steps. It is important for you to do the steps to deal with the guilt you are feeling , that is keeping you stuck and unable to believe you are capable or worthy of long term sobriety. You are indeed capable of both. As for surrounding yourself with sober friends, you'll find that in AA too. When in the closed groups, you can get to talking and maybe offer a ride to someone in your areas that has lost their license, or get one, if you manage to lose yours again before you get there. ( i had 4 DUI's )
AA taken seriously is a huge benefit in the first couple few years and for many it is a lifetime club that many enjoy. I went for as long as i had to. and do my 12 step (giving back ) work here, because it's more convenient for me).
You will be forgiven for your trespasses, you can forgive yourself. 5 years although i know how hard it's been is a great place for you to quit. You still have the majority of your life that you can live without being in chains. Please, really consider truly accepting the fellowship of AA. It works if you give it your all. Get your life back. Deal with the pain that you're numbing and prepare for the life that should be yours. In the scheme of things, 5 years is getting out early. Anybody that knows about alcoholism will be aware that you cared enough to clean yourself up after 5 years and be SO PROUD OF YOU. FOR THAT.
I'm here if you feel like talking.