rollercoaster

[crash2323]

This is the best I've probably done in four years.  I used to drink daily and heavily.  Now, I know as soon as i wake up whether or not I'm going to drink that day.  I will go for 8-10 days without a drink.  And then one day I wake up feeling like I'm having an anxiety attack and I will drink for five days or so.  And then I will not drink again.  I am seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist and have been doing so for four years.  My problems have been so bad in the past, that my doctors considered me unable to work and I actually qualified for disability.  I would like to work because I am totally out of money, my car is out of gas, andI am desperately depressed.  I don't receive money from Social Security because although I am considered disabled and I receive medicaid, I do not qualifiy for money at this time.  I am afraid to look for a job because I can't risk losing the health coverage.  I am living with my boyfriend.  I can't afford even the smallest of apartments anymore.  It is horrible to watch your life collapse this way.  because mine did.

[rpooo]

I had to stop in and check on you to see how everything is going? I see you quite active in the group and surely thats a good thing. I still think and wonder about your progress quite often.

I am glad also you are watching your diet closely since patients with liver disease are quite often malnurished. You probably normally watch your diet closely anyways since I assume you are also diabetic? You know what it takes crash and I know you can do it! Keep hanging in there my friend!

Randy

[crash2323]

Since I last posted, I have been doing better--three days clean.  Have been paying much more attention to nutrition since as I have been before, I am probably walking around completely depleted of vitamins and minerals, etc.  Have been reading up on that and hope it gives me a boost.  So far, so good.  I have been tracking my drinking for awhile and I can see the ups and downs since mid-August clearly for once.  I never kept track of my drinking before.  I am always happy to see a higher number of days sober on this site!  It has been an incentive, despite the highs and lows.  I have been disgusted with myself for going back to zero twice.  But I'm not at zero now and plan to keep it going.  Yes, I have at times suffered from horrible anxiety.  I couldn't stand to drive in even the slighest of bad weather.  However,  the anxiety seems to be gone for now.  And, like you, I did seek medication for the problem.  But the only sure cure seems to be to quit drinking.  I wish you the best with your health issues.  I'm sorry things got so bad for you.  And I know, sobriety is the best gift you can give your loved ones--my family has been through a lot.

[rpooo]

Are you often having problems with anxiety? This is very common amounst us alcoholics. There is medication that can help you. I use to have anxiety so bad that I had to stop driving, I couldn't be around large goups of people like at the grocery store i would have to leave and sit in my truck while my wife would finish things up. The same problem would happen at the movie theater. Once talking to my doctor she put me on medication that since then has given me back my life and allowed me to feel completely normal again. I hope you will talk to your doctor about the medication. There are many types out the so it will be important you tell the doctor about your alcoholism or atleast this attempt to quit. This should be a major influence on what drug he/she reccomends for you.

After I wrote to you last I have read some of your posts and I know from the advice you have given that you know what it takes to stop drinking. I also found some stuff you have mentioned about your health, thats why we got to get you to not drink ever again. I know it sounds hard when you think of it like that but for now it's just one day at a time. I drank until I was diagnosed then I took 3 days to quit and I've never drank since nor will I ever.

For me it wasn't that I was afraid of dying it was the loved ones in my life that I knew need me that gave me the strength I needed to quit first try after 20 years. I knew that if I didn't stop drinking then that it would take less than a year.

When dealing with issues regarding the liver the first thing you must do is find out what is causing the irritation and then remove it. In our cases its the alcohol. Remove it and now the liver can begin to do its job of healing itself in the areas that are still able to be saved. By not removing it then the damage continues much faster than the liver can heal. This is why it is so cruscial to anyone with liver disease to never drink again. It's a life and death choice evertime you do decide to drink. It shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Dont crash! How bad is your pancreas? Are you ready to do this?
Step 1: discuss anxiety/resolve situation
Step 2: Stop drinking completely/ this binge drinking is not going to work
Step 3: Start a ticker like the one you see below.
Step 4: Pat yourself on the back you just did the best thing you could ever do for yourself and your loved ones :)

[rpooo]

It really is a terrible feeling to have to sit back and watch you life fall apart. I know this all to well since I have end stage cirrhosis and hepatic encephalopathy yet I have been denied twice and am waiting for my court hearing to get approval for disability. 6 to 9 more months.

So tell me, whats your plan? How long do you think you can just sit there doing nothing with your life all because of your drinking? How long do you think your health will hold up before you end up like me? I was 38 when diagnosed. What your doing right now is making excuses, this attempt at quiting drinking is no where good enough! You know you can do better than this. So do it! It is the answer to all your problems. Quit drinking forever and get a job, you will feel so much better about yourself. I use to drink 23 beers a day, if I can do it you can too!  

Randy