trying to get off my dependency

[1twinmom]

Hi,
I'm not really posting a question just need some support. I drink quite a bit and really want to stop but of course I'm too proud to admit that I have a problem to anyone besides myself. My husband knows I drink just about everyday but he has no idea how much. I have cut back but by the end of the day I love to get that buzz that helps me cope. I have somewhat of an unstable marriag  and have four kids under 4. Not using excuses just saying what my situation is. I know drinking doesn't make my problems go away but sure as heck eases the stress. I don't get fall down drunk but there are times I've forgotten converstations I have had. Especially with my husband.  I'm trying to get back to the healthy way of living I followed before I had kids and yes during my pregnancies. I DID NOT drink while I was pregnant.

I really just want words of encouragement and mybe make some friends that I can turn to online. I don't get out of the house much and I don't want to go AA meetings. I'm not quite there yet.  I am trying to work on my spirtual life as well but not a 12 step person.

[ibizan]

i been clean/sober going on 25 years....am licensed substance abuse counselor and currently work an d have worked with many psychologists who don't think alcoholism/addiction is a disease and really miss a lot of symptoms...one can't treat emotional issues first when the senses r being deadened with alcohol or drugs....the chemical must go first and/or a huge recognition that it is causing a LOT of problems!u r so right about not wanting ur daughter to repeat after u......home is where kids learn hey this is ok or not ok!

[Juls11]

Thanks for the good advice.  I do think I have a problem and it's time to take action....especially for the sake of my beautiful daughter.  There is a lot of media attention in Australia at the moment on teenage binge drinking... I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that if Mum does it, it must be okay...

[ibizan]

alcoholics lose control of their drinking amounts and their behavior.....if u believe u r alcoholic and it causes u grief then u r!i disagree with the psych person.....find urself a good licensed substance abuse counselor!

[Burrpatch]

Sorry juls11 , I always forget to properly address my reply's. I now do so... again good luck!! Oh , and while I'm at it , If your so Inclined to attend an A.A. meet (I hope u do)
then it goes without saying to go when you have had nothing to drink.
               TTYL , Burr P.

[Burrpatch]

Hello , I'm glad you decided to share. I know that your note was addressed to twinmom , but I thought I would jump in! First of all , hails to the bottom of the world from the top!!  lol !! I took the liberty to look at your profile briefly before replying and I see that you feel a little of a mid life crisis coming on. While the difference between male and female mid life crisis's are certainly different , I can surly relate with the feeling of "Is this my life... ,  have I made the right choice.... and .. My god , if I don't act now I'll be stuck here!! ".
I had these questions and many more slap me in my astonished face at exactly the age of 38!! I can tell you that though I was already a long practicing alcoholic ,  that these questions threw me farther into the bottle than I had ever been before and for me that's like , REALLY FAR !! lol!!  I mention this because it may be the the very reason that you find yourself in your current position.  Anti D's and alcohol are a very big no no ! This I'm sure you found out...please don't do again...
Also don't beat yourself up! You are NOT stupid or weak!! You are going through some bad times , you are sick and need help! You will find much support here Juls11.
We all care and want to help. There are a lot of definitions for an Alcoholic , some are true , some are not , some are funny , some are serious... Most are made up by people that use it to fit there lifestyle. One thing is a constant though , no matter what the definition is ... Do you feel you MAY have a problem with alcohol? If you do , then chances are that you probably are. There are as many different kinds of Alcoholics as there are definitions , so you don't have to place yourself in a box labeled "ALCOHOLIC ". lol !  The biggest thing is recognizing that you may have a problem. That hurdle it seems you have successfully jumped!!  Stick around awhile and see what others have to say on this subject. I think that you will find that you have a lot in common with a lot of folks around here , just as we have in you!
  I wish you the very best and you can be assured that you'll be in my prayers!
                                     ......Burr P.

[Juls11]

Hi there, I logged in to this forum this morning after deciding that I have got to take some serious steps to stop drinking and was amazed at how similar our situations sound. I am a mother too, with an 8 year old child, I work part time and my husband sometimes has to go away for work.  I don't know the definition of an 'alcoholic' or if I am one, but I do know that I have a problem with controlling my drinking.  I guess I've had this problem for about 5 years now. I saw a psychologist recently and he said it didn't sound like I was an alcoholic - but I feel like one at times!
A couple of years ago I was drinking everyday to 'unwind' from a stressful job. I would come home and tell my husband that I HAD to have a drink. It seemed like the only thing that helped me to relax. Now I probably drink 3-4 days per week (and not every week), but I cannot stop at just one glass.  If I have one, I have to have another and another and so on.  Last night I bought a bottle of wine with the intention of having just one glass and ended up drinking the whole bottle.  I couldn't sleep most of the night and this morning I have a terrible headache. I also take antidepressants, so they make the effects of alcohol worse.  I will probably spend today mentally kicking myself for being so stupid and weak.
My husband is away at the moment, and he has tried to help me in the past. Now I feel that he is probably fed up with trying to help me because when I am in the throes of 'needing' a drink, I don't listen to him.
I am not sure if I should join AA, but I feel like you, I need some support and understanding from somewhere....

[1twinmom]

again, thianks for the support

[ibizan]

grey8t post and thank u..i agree....i wouldn't be drawing sober breaths if it wasn't for inpatient and many fine ppl thru the years i encountered in AA/NA.

[Burrpatch]

Hello , in your original post , you mentioned that you were looking for some support.
You will certainly find that here , for as fellow recovering addicts ,  we have been through any and every addiction that the world has to offer. Therefore , we deeply care for the sufferers that we left behind. Gems like ibizan will not only be here for you but will always have kind words of advice as well as pointing you in the right direction to receive help. Ultimately though , the decision is yours to seek help. While you have indeed taken a huge step by posting here and telling us of your addictions and desires , it is now time to take the next major step by seeking out a comprehensive program that will teach you more about yourself than you probably know. I realize that this is a very scary proposition and that it is a much harder thing to do than to post anonymously on MedHelp.  But , if your serious about living a sober lifestyle , then this is a sure way to achieve it.  A.A. can  also be a hard thing to accept , it is not easy to spill your problems and feelings on total strangers.  A comprehensive program can teach you more about how A.A. works and the benefits that one can reap from attendance. I have been though many programs in the past and while its true that each time I fell I got up stronger , I finally realized that the reason that i was falling was that I refused to lean on others with helping hands , like A.A. provides for the follow up support that I so unknowingly needed. For years I was an A.A. Naa Sayer , that sounded like so many people I hear today. "I'm not the A.A. type" , "That will be the day I dribble all over a 12 step table" , "A.A.'s a cult" , etc. , etc. , on , and on! Today , I am no expert , in fact  , not only I'm I currently taking " Baby Steps " and am only 156 days sober , but I just finished going to only my second meeting last Tuesday.  Believe it or not , I'm looking forward to next Tuesday. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders from attending a simple 1 hour confidential meeting. If A.A. is a cult , then I'm a cultist , because it was the support that I was sorely missing in my past sobriety's. I feel so alive again and I can assure you that you can too.  You just have to be willing to take that second giant baby step!!
Good luck , twinmom , I wish you the very best and the answers that you seek.
                      .......... Burrpatch.

[ibizan]

in the county of which u live is a local substance abuse agency or a few depending on if u live in a rural or urban area...city ..i am rural....pop.60 thou some....u really need to contact them make an appt.talk to a licenced substance abuse counselor......get some help and support!this is impossible to do alone!and all of us know it here!

[1twinmom]

Not doing so great. Haven't gotten drunk but have had a few drinks after kids in bed.

[Gaui]

Hi, go to AA meetings. After you do, and get some control over your life again, you will laugh tremendeously from the ,,I don't wanna go to AA meetings" statement you made above.

[ibizan]

that is good!but the one that is the most legal cheap and socially acceptable is quite the destroyer!ur on my prayer list...and hopes for u that u can stop one hour at a time,one day at a time!

[1twinmom]

the strongest drug I take is Advil. besides smoking pot 3 times in highschool (21yrs ago) I have never touched drugs.

[ibizan]

it is good that u have a couple of friends who would support ur sobriety....in-laws 2...that is so important..understand more than u realize regarding family......this is something that one needs support in..i take it u drink alone at nite in house?u a beer drinker or liquor?any drug use street or prescription or prescription off street?reason i ask is i talked for quite awhile with a young woman here who has not responded to me for a few months which is not good she said she went thru treatment..... she drank a LOT at home with her 2 young boys there....stopped drinking then said i can't give up the oxycontin..I ONLY do 10-15 a week!so many post here report stopping drinking for a little bit then disappear!re-post that they've begun again......sad!

[1twinmom]

I would have a couple of friends who would help me if I asked. My in-laws would support me. I could never go to my family for reasons I don't have time to go into. This is my bad time of day but so far so good. Not had a drink.

[ibizan]

ok that is good!i started to drink at 14 drugs 17 woke the heck up at age 28....did this one hour atta time one day atta time...am now 53!such a better life!don't miss blackouts hangovers no $$$ cuz i spent in on alcohol/drugs...have my self esteem and dignity back...these r precious gifts we give ourselves!we r here to help and support u.....there was a lot about AA/NA i didn't like...but i went and took what i could use and left the rest...some great ppl there were such a help 2 me....knew i couldn't do it alone!U do need to be around sober ppl....r u a pretty isolated mom?do u have any sane sober female friends?family support?

[1twinmom]

My husband is not a heavy drinker. He only drinks a couple of beers on the weekend and yes he is here at night.

Congrats on your sobriety.

[ibizan]

i been sober/clean going on 25 years.Dayjob is substance abuse counselor for 23 years and i speak out of concern for u cuz i've worked with moms with kids that had no intention of letting things get out of control...and it just happened...and they got their kids taken away or one got hurt.understand ur fear....and glad u seem to limit it at nite.....r u alone at nite with kids?if one of them got ill and needed to go to ER would ur hub help drive?is he a drinker 2?I try to cover all angles!:)

[1twinmom]

no I do not drink during the day at all. I wouldn't be able to function like I need to with 4 small kids. It's just at night as a stress reliever.  When I said I wasn't ready for AA I didn't mean I don't think I need it I'm just not ready to go public.

[ibizan]

Good!so no driving with kids in car after drinking and none thruout the day when u care for them?yes posting here is a first step...Phartist has very good words...there is a lot of wisdom from others here in recovery and support!

[Phtartist]

This was a huge step for you!  Good for you .  Admitting you have a problem is the first step to conquering your problem.

Whenever someone is to get sober, it is for themselves they need to do it.  Do you want to be better at anything you do?  Getting sober will help that.

You said you are not bad enough to go to AA.  Guess what, I have friends in AA who have barely ever had a drunk time but they know they are alcoholics by the way they got drunk. By the fact that it runs in their family. By the fact that they use it to medicate themselves.  They stopped it before it got to the point of no return. They actually all hang around together in a group in this one home group.  Home group is your group where you meet each week and other groups come to your meeting and tell there stories.  
Anyway, some of them were fall down drunks some barely drank, all alcoholics. Some mothers, some not, some males, all friends, all young.  You should have seen them at the last dance we had, the band was rockin.

So, you know whats going on. You put your fingers on the keys, and wrote the honest words you wrote. It's a start. Keep coming back.  

We are here to help. And ibizan, that woman is priceless. She has helped me.

[1twinmom]

I start to drink about an hour b4 my husband gets home and I've never put the kids in the car if I've been drinking. I know I need help but I have to take it one step at a time......Just posting this was a huge step for me.

[ibizan]

ooh girl...how much do u drink a day?r u under the influence taking care of those children?if something happened to them u'd never 4 give urself..i'd think stopping drinking for the sake of those young ones would be a great motivator!sounds like ur having blackouts....not remembering conversations..ppl can have partial blackouts....u need to get urself  professional help b4 this really bites u in the booty!