Avoiding Exhaustion

[Sulyn]

Last week it all caught up with me.  I did not even recognize exhaustion until it was full blown. I had been communicationing with my father's primary care physician, cardiologist, dermatologist, getting medications coordinated, talking with the nurses in my father's building who dispense his medication, a visiting nurse (Dad had been in heart failure), a private nurse who checks in on Dad weekly, mostly due to ptsd from WWII and the dementia, and a CNA who visits one afternoon a week to try to get him out of his apartment. Nearly all his mail comes to me, but last week I found a bill in his apartment for a magazine he subscribed to that renews automaticly. I had to take care of that and because his doctor's office will only send correspondence to the patient, I had to send documentation from his insurance company, along with my power of attorney, to get the office to call me with any appointment reminders and pre-op instructions. I was also grieving the loss of the father I used to know.  The one who kept himself maticulously neat and clean.  Most of the time I can accept what's happening to Dad, but last week was really hard. Luckily, my husband and I were able to get away for a few days, but that can't always happen. I need to learn to take care of myself better.  Any suggestions? My father has vascular dementia. He lives in an independent living situation about 30 miles from me.  Last week, when I arrived to take him for a doctor's appointment, I stepped in a puddle on the kitchen floor. Discovering a major leak under the sink, I called maintenance.  While the worker was trying to make temporary repairs, the toilet overflowed. Dad was like a little child.  He didn't know what to do.  My heart went out to him. I explained that the maintenance people would take care of everything.  He was very mellow and accepted that. I don't know what would have happened if I wasn't there. Soon we were on our way to our appointment.  Dad did not know where we were, why or where we were going. He forgot that he has skin cancer on his head.  He will be having Moh's surgery next week.  From what I've been told the cancer was probably made worse because Dad's answer to curing all lesions is to use hydrogen peroxide which from what I understand can kill healthy cells that might combat the cancer.  Both the dermatologist and the surgeon said that the cancer might be very deep.  The surgery involves taking layers of skin and examining them under a microscope while the patient waits.  If there is still cancer present the procedure is repeated over and over until its gone. Microscopic findings can take up to an hour each time. I am trying to think of things to keep Dad occupied during that time. Any suggestions? It just occurred to me that he just might fall asleep inbetween. He sleeps alot. Other that talking about his childhood and the army, I might have difficulty engaging his interest.

[Sulyn]

Thank you sooo much!  I am the only one Dad has.  My kids live too far away and my husband helps once in a great while, but basicly its me doing it all.
Yesterday something happened that never happened before.  First of all, Dad called me at 7AM.  He gets night & day mixed up sometimes, so that surprised me.  He was very depressed. He told me he felt like walking out  of this life.  He sounded teary eyed. He didn't think I would understand.  I told him I did, and inside I was sick with worry. He asked me to find another place for him to live where there were other people like him who would understand how he feels. Although he already does live in such a place, I assured him that I would look into it and call him back.  In the meantime I suggested he rest. I live 30 miles away and it takes me about an hour to get to his apartment. I called the nurse to alert her and she is to have the geriatric psychiatrist re-evaluate his meds. I called Dad's priest.  I am not Catholic, but Dad is and I thought a visit by the priest would please him.  When I called Dad back and told him I was waiting for a call from Father M., he said "What for?I don't understand.  Why would you do that?" When I related part of our 7AM conversation back to him, he said, "you're making this up".  I was relieved that he had forgotten.
  Now I know better what to expect.  One day at a time they say.

Concerning your mother, I've have observed some elderly with aggressive behavior and that has to be very hard, especially if she was not always like that.  It takes alot of patience love to face that situation.  About CHF, my father uses "No Salt", but in his kitchen the other day, I found a nearly full, open box of Morton Salt out on the counter.  He had run out of "No Salt" and was putting regular salt in the "No Salt" container to make it "No Salt". No wonder he gained 4 lbs last week!  Sometimes I have to laugh or I'd cry.

[Bev170]

Only in this case, it's with my mom.  Her personality is unbelievably changing.  I am doing all the things your are doing with no respite in sight.  My mother is having aggressive behavior, which is driving me nuts.  She also has CHF.  Wish I could help you so much, as I know what you are going through by experiencing it as I write you this note.  NEVER in my life would I have thought I'd be dealing with such a nightmare.  Believe me, you are in my thoughts.  Your job is extremely difficult. Just know that someone shares it with you via heart.