Sun downers?

[meljean816]

My grandmother is 86 and she has dementia. She has been getting angry and agitated and violent but not all day, just from as soon as then clock hits 3 pm. She wants to go back to her house even though she lives in her house, she pushes me and my mom. She hit me across the face because I blocked her way out. Because once she gets out we cant get her back in unless we lie and bribe her. She threatens to kill us and swears up and down that its not her house and we need to help her to get out. But as soon as the clock hits 8:30 maybe 9 pm. shes claim wants to go to bed and sometimes gets up and wants a cookie. But she knows that she is home. Her nurse said to me while I explained to her what was going on she said sounds like a case of sun downers syndrome. I have never heard of it, but when I looked it up it sounds just like it. She is on xanax to keep her claim and help her sleep but it doesn't take at all during 3pm to 9pm. Anyone know about sun downers? Her dr is coming next week and I don't know what I would tell him.

[meljean816]

The social worker wants us to talk to the family lawyer and get stuff in order. We are going interview some in home care helpers so they can come in and give us breaks. We are looking into me and my aunt getting paid to take care of them. We both basically stopped our life's.  The dr gave her serqial or whatever its called, it mellows her out but I need sleep I haven't had sleep in a month lol. I am also going to school and i can see my grades like dropping.  They worry about us getting the care giver burn out which I feel. This just *****. I am 23 years old, I should be like I dont know getting married? or finishing college and finding my life but instead I spend 5 to 10 hours a day making sure my grandmother doesnt hurt her self.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

oh as i read your words they fit right into my own story.   yes its very very hard to take care of a love one who does not know you sometimes and that says very hurtfull things to you , but yes your friends are right its not her talking. my mom has wished death on me to and it hurts but i know how sweet my mom is and what kind of person she is and that person who just said that is not my mom.

when my mom comes back to herself shes so sad sometimes because she knows she said something but not sure what because my dad gets mad at her and wont talk to her, hes 77 and having a hard time with it, i tell him its not the woman he married 56 years ago but its hard to understand she looks the same so why is she doing him that way. hes getting better at it now but there are days he just cant take it and blows up.

plz let me know how the social worker did and what they are going to do for ya.

[meljean816]

hi,

Thanks for your response. It is hard my friends wonder why I am so stressed out and they go oh well dont take any of this to heart. You try because you know its not her telling you this its the disease but man some days i just wanna shake her lol.

My mom has talked to her DR about her what he calls psychotic episodes. But because of her heart we cant give her anything stronger then.25 mg of xanx. When shes on anything else she is sleepy all the time and we cant get her to eat and she gets violent. more then she is.

Last night she wanted to know who could get her and my grandpa out of this place (her house) because me and my aunt where abusing her. the thing her mind comes up with just i have to laugh. Like she wanted to know what would happen if she burnt down the house. or she tells my grandpa shes gets a divorce because he wont help her. I was cooking some stuff and she took the prongs i had sitting on the side of the stove and asked me if she could stab me with them and im like no. She even starts packing up her stuff in random places she stuffed a bunch of things in a magazine rack. But that only happens from 3pm to 9 pm. She is fine and understands things in the morning

Wed at 3 a social worker is coming to see what they can do with her. Her dr doesnt think she will be able to stay home because she is refusing our help. And almost trying to hurt her self and my grandma and us because she is unhappy.

I try but i don't have a  lot of time I go to online college and I wish i could take a break but she needs like 4 people around her at all times.

Thanks
Melissa

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

so sorry your having to go throught this.   its very hard on us as care takers but more so on us because thats family and we love them.

Yes there is sundowners my mom also has it and wow it has been rough on us and her , but her dr has now gave her meds for it and it helps alot.  plz talk to her dr tell them what happens and when and i know they can give you something to calm her down.

my mom also has tols us shes going kill us and herself. that we are not helping her and yes that she needs to go home even thought sahes in her home. with this you live in the past so my mom keeps going back to her house where we were born and raised and back to her home in fla, she thinks we live in fla and we are in ga, they have no new life with this so only thing they know is the past. short term memory wont hold new stuff.

when my mom talks its about her past and yes she knows me and than at times does not. my dad she calls him her dad or ,my dads dad and wants him to go home and for her husband to come home its so hard on us, but we are going to keep her at home as long as we can, shes never by herself anymore and we do everything for her now, dress/potty bath etc. she got it around 54 shes now 71 and really gotton bad, her mom also had it.

plz take care of yourself get rest and some time away from it for your health.  also see if there is support groups where you live, you can learn so much from them and it gives you peace of mind knowing your doing the right things for her and when its time to put her where she can get better help.

God Bless you and your family. Barbara

[meljean816]

My aunt who is a care giver might be coming to stay. Wed a social worker is going to evaluate her to see what is best. The dr called and told us to give her xanx every 4 hours because its such a low dose.  She also has congestive heart failure so she cant take a lot of meds. I love her but sometimes I just wanna run far far away. But no one helps me and my mom. My aunt is helping but she goes back to her home in 3 weeks and we are hoping she will move here in California where I live from Idaho. Thanks we try really hard.

[nicky34]

Gosh, you sound sooo frustrated & sad, It's really difficylt of the whole family, and can make you feel crazy at times. Serequeal was such a big help with calming my my down, & I know from other people I've met that the violent behavior goes with the territory. I do know that there is day care (free if not really cheap M-Sat) at Catholic Charities, & you don't have to be Catholic. That was a lifesaver since I also worked. The Alzheimers organiztion also has volunteers that will come in a few hrs a day for respite care, just for relief, If you call & ck it out in your area.
As for the her skin & the patch the meds com in pill form yjats what my momm took. You have a lot of courage, I wish I could help, your not alone

Nicky.

[meljean816]

Hi,

I can barely get her to keep a band aid on a cut I don't think the patch would help. Shes in the late stages of dementia. She calls me by my name then she don't know who I am then she calls me my mom or some lady or that i am a baby. she also wants to go to L.A or Kansas. lol.Im in a small town  in California.

shes on meds for her heart and her blood pressure and then some kind of vitamin, and her diabetes med. then xanx every six hours. which helps from 6 am to 2:30 pm then no matter what she has meds or when she was in the hospital last month sedation she gets mad and violent and worse just between 3 pm to 9 pm.

We have been doing her pills for two years now, when she went into the hospital of an over dose because she couldn't remember her pills.

My grandmother has no lucid moments to be on an Alzheimer me because of her dementia which is a different form of Alzheimer. the med she was on for it made her sick and did not help. Shes at the last stages where we have to help her do a lot of stuff for her.

I am sorry about your mom. Thank you for responding to my post


melissa

[nicky34]

by the way sundowners is the tern they give alzheimers patients at evening time, I forgot that part. Xanax never wked on my mom

[nicky34]

Hi,

I saw your post & there are definately meds out there to help her mood swings, & violent outburts.  I lived with & took care of my mom for 7 yrs till she died, & she had Alzheimers & Emphysema. It always started to get worse late in the afternoon.

The real key for me was to put her on the right meds, they have a patch now, that evenly distributes all the medication all day.  People left untreted with Alzheimers  what their loved ones don't know that the person becomes delusiona at timesl. So my mom used seroquel & an anti depressant plus the alzheimer meds, but you or your mom should dispense them. Don't let her do it.
There are great resources out there for info at the Alheimers Org, & some caregiver books, that tell you how to deal with specific situations.

I was lucky enough to have a a contact who directed me to the Wein Insitute (miami) part of Mt. Sinaii and that's all they specialize in.  They spent 8 hrs testing her, along with an MRI.
But she always knew me was kind and loving & I miss her so. It's the one really good thing I've done.

But it's really hard. I can't emphathize that enough, it's so hard on the caregiver. Over 50% of people over 80 have some form of demiata or alzheimers.
It's so nice you are so concerned for your own mom and care enough to write.

Take care, hope I helped a little bit