7113116 tn?1388207737

Anger Management

Hi there. My boyfriend has horrible anger issues and yells at me constantly. Even over the dumbest things. He's the father of our child so I want to stay with him but I want to try and get him to control his anger. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help young male teenagers with their anger problems?
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Avatar universal
Hi Beena,

Overcoming and self treatment of anger is dealt with by teaching and practicing each below, and then pass it to your boyfriend.

The conscious ability to relax and release stress any time, anywhere
The ability to focus the mind
The ability to neutralise and reprogram subconscious hurt memories
The ability to develop mind/body exercises to overcome anger
The ability to develop greater self confidence to express your emotions
The ability to program new responses to express those emotions

All the best,
Helpful - 0
7282682 tn?1397237735
Take it from someone who has been with husband 37 years that has  anger issues it takes a lot of the joy out of his, yours, and baby's lives.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

Hi Beeena,

I'm glad to hear that you had a talk with your boyfriend and I'm glad to
hear that he is doing much better. I' m very relieved to hear that your
boyfriend is not yelling at you anymore. As I mentioned in my first post,
yelling is verbal abuse. You said he still gets upset. Well, anger is a
normal emotion. It's what you do with that anger that's key. I didn't
realize that you were pregnant. I guess I assumed that the baby was
already born.  Make sure your boyfriend keeps his promises. It's very
kind of you to give him a second chance. Not every woman would
give their boyfriend a second chance, but it's encouraging to see that
your boyfriend is doing so much better. I wish you, your unborn child
and your boyfriend the best.
Helpful - 0
7113116 tn?1388207737
Thank you for that. The father of the baby turns eighteen in a little over a month and I turn seventeen around the same time. I finally brought myself to leave the situation but I talked to him before anything and explained to why I wanted to leave and that I was pretty much terrified to be with him. He hasn't hit me but I was scared he was a few times. After having a talk with him we decided that I'd give him one chance. If he breaks the promises that I had him make then I'm gone. He is doing so much better. He does get upset but there is no more yelling. We haven't really argued and we are't really upset with each other anymore. This may just be sometime that is temporary but if it's not then this is great. If it is I will take full advise from you and other people to leave the situation because the baby and I do not need to be around any of that. Oh and I have not yet had the baby. I'm 17 weeks and 1 day today.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal

Hi Beena,

I really sympathize with your situation. I see you're only 16 years old.
How old is your boyfriend? How old is your baby? Since you're only
teenagers, I'm guessing you, your boyfriend and your baby are perhaps living with your parents. You say you want to stay with him but you want
to try to get him to control his anger. The truth is unless your boyfriend
wants to learn to control his anger nothing will change. You said he has
horrible anger issues. What are these anger issues ? You say your boyfriend yells at you constantly even over the dumbest things. Your words.
You realize this is very aggressive behavior and verbal abuse and emotional abuse. Let's call a spade a spade. You deserve to be treated better and so does your child. The truth is if he yells at you he will yell at
your child if he isn't already. I will share something with you. I dated a guy
a number of years ago who had as you put it " anger issues". Tell me if
this sounds familiar. Everything is everybody else's fault, nothing is his
fault. He is always complaining about something. He had a bad temper too. I would do him favors, help him out, drive him places and nothing was ever good enough. These type of men are abusers. I actually broke up
with him over the phone because I was afraid to break up with him in
person. You deserve a peaceful life. No one has the right to yell and
criticize you and make you feel bad. You also need to protect yourself
and of course your baby.  He might agree to see an anger management
counsellor, but most men like this won't agree to see an anger management counsellor because they don't have an anger problem.
People do things that cause them to be angry. A lot of them are in major
denial as to their anger issues. Besides yelling at you which I stated is
abusive, has your boyfriend ever hit you ? That's of course physical abuse.
I don't want to scare you but the type of abuse can get worse. It's also a
control issue with the person having the anger issues the controller.
You know you have a choice. You don't have to stay with this man just
because he is the baby's biological father. It's your choice, but the abuse
can escalate. What if your boyfriend gets frustrated with something the
baby does?  Being yelled at everyday is demeaning and psychologically
abusive. Personally, if I were in that situation, I would leave this man with
anger issues so my baby and I would be safe. This sounds like a very
unhealthy situation. Don't make excuses for people. Don't give them second, third and fourth chances. You have to protect you and your baby.
That's your number one priority. You don't have to be his verbal punching
bag. You have a choice to leave an unhealthy and unsafe situation.
I'm not telling you what to do. This is a pattern of behavior which will probably not change because the truth is they don't think they have a
problem. That in a nutshell is the problem. Good luck to you and your
baby. Remember you do have a choice. You're so young and you have
your whole life ahead of you and now that you have a baby, you have
to protect both of you. I wish you both well. If anything I have shared with
you is helpful , I'm glad.  Bless you both.  Eve

Helpful - 0
6726276 tn?1421126668
   Annie Brook is Correct.
     He will first need to accept that he's out of control.
      He will need to want to be a better person.
        My 1/2 brother has & continues to have these anger issues. Punching drywall. Tossing furniture around. Yelling at the top of his lungs.
        For him, it's a Psycological problem he chooses not to seek help.
       He learned a lot from his formative years with my Stepdad , ( his Dad)
       Constantly acting out, screaming, swearing & refusing to control his temper.      So as Annie Brooke said, is this what you want for your child?
        The real loser is the BABY. I really could not care less about the spoiled teen father, who thinks his out of control yelling is ok for an infant. It's not ok
            Take care of your child. Or history will repeat itself & the baby will suffer.    Send the Teen Dad back to his Father. See if that behavior is acceptable at His Parents home.       Pamela
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1642048000
He's the father of your child and is a young male teenager?  Eesh, of course he has anger issues, he's on the hook for 18 years of child support at a time when he just feels like playing computer games and having sex.  Sorry, but the only way to help him not throw tantrums is to tell  him the name of the anger-management counselor and to make it unrewarding for him to yell, meaning you have to be ready to leave and so he can learn the cost of yelling.  If he is yelling at you constantly, you owe it to yourself and especially to your child not to be there.  
Helpful - 0

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