I have been reading through many posts here about things. Mostly about my daughter and why I do not like her. I happened to come across this anger management thread. I know that I and her (she is 9) have bad anger issues. It has gotten so bad that I hate her and myself for things I say to her. I am NOT here for anyone to judge me, I AM here for HELP! I have, since I was young, had anger issues, but i was just a bad kid, Holes in walls, punching myself in the face, biting myself, whatever, just cause I was so angry, I didn't know what else to do! I still get angry and throw a remote or phone, but do not hurt myself anymore. Well, my daughter is now doing these things. She is ADHD and I am a single mom working 2 jobs to keep her safe (like a parent is supposed to do). I work overnights and evenings. She does not listen, talks back, mimics me. YES,. I have over the years, sat down and talked to her, did the dumb time out, spanked, EVERYTHING, the books tell you to do. Well, now it is uncontrollable. I am at a point where I am either gonna hurt her or send her away! I do NOT want either of those, but i dont know what to do anymore. I love her, but hate her more it seems. When she is on her meds, its OK, but she is like a zombie. I give it to her for school. I want her to be a kid at home. However, not anymore. I want to keep her doped up all the time ugh. I haven't, but the thought has crossed my mind. I did put her adhd patch on her yesterday, even without school, cause I needed a break. We had a great day, but again, she doesn't even laugh on her patch. I hate her on it and hate her off it. Where is the middle ground? I just moved away from our home state with her to start fresh. New life, better life..... However, here, I have no one, no friends, family, support.... At Least back home her father would take her 1 day a month. I never realized how much that 8 hours he took her (me dropping her off and running) really helped! I don't know, I am rambling now, but am scared. i haven't stopped crying for 2 weeks. I broke her phone cause she didn't listen AGAIN! Whats next???? We just seem to keep teaching each other these bad things. We talked yesterday and I told her that OUR behaviour was wrong and that we needed to work on it..... As soon as her patch came off, 20 minutes later, she was her a hole self and that flipped my switch and I was a BIGGER a hole. Like battle of who can be the meanest!! I cant live like this anymore and it is NOT fair to her either! Please help!!
We both have insomnia and I have depression and so many other things on top. We always had a good relationship. We cuddle, read, she sleeps in my bed (she has separation anxiety) I have all around anxiety.... She has had a good life so far. Her dad is just that.... he doesn't help with anything. I have JUST decided to call him. i don't care if he is her friend, I need a break. I maxed out my card to get him a plane ticket to come help me. Even if it is just so i don't have to deal with her. I don't know. I can answer more questions. just trying to give a lil background info I guess... :/
Also, should mention, I have a son, 24, he is an amazing man. he is in the Army and was such a blessing..... He never disrespected me or acted like this. She has now "played" with fire 3 times that I CAUGHT! Who knows how many other times there were! I am gonna wake up in a fireball! I am scared to sleep.