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Anger Management Community
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Avatar universal

HELP!!

I have been reading through many posts here about things. Mostly about my daughter and why I do not like her. I happened to come across this anger management thread. I know that I and her (she is 9) have bad anger issues. It has gotten so bad that I hate her and myself for things I say to her. I am NOT here for anyone to judge me, I AM here for HELP! I have, since I was young, had anger issues, but i was just a bad kid, Holes in walls, punching myself in the face, biting myself, whatever, just cause I was so angry, I didn't know what else to do! I still get angry and throw a remote or phone, but do not hurt myself anymore.  Well, my daughter is now doing these things. She is ADHD and I am a single mom working 2 jobs to keep her safe (like a parent is supposed to do). I work overnights and evenings. She does not listen, talks back, mimics me. YES,. I have over the years, sat down and talked to her, did the dumb time out, spanked, EVERYTHING, the books tell you to do. Well, now it is uncontrollable. I am at a point where I am either gonna hurt her or send her away!  I do NOT want either of those, but i dont know what to do anymore. I love her, but hate her more it seems. When she is on her meds, its OK, but she is like a zombie. I give it to her for school. I want her to be a kid at home. However, not anymore. I want to keep her doped up all the time ugh. I haven't, but the thought has crossed my mind. I did put her adhd patch on her yesterday, even without school, cause I needed a break. We had a great day, but again, she doesn't even laugh on her patch. I hate her on it and hate her off it. Where is the middle ground? I just moved away from our home state with her to start fresh. New life, better life..... However, here, I have no one, no friends, family, support.... At Least back home her father would take her 1 day a month. I never realized how much that 8 hours he took her (me dropping her off and running) really helped! I don't know, I am rambling now, but am scared. i haven't stopped crying for 2 weeks. I broke her phone cause she didn't listen AGAIN! Whats next???? We just seem to keep teaching each other these bad things. We talked yesterday and I told her that OUR behaviour was wrong and that we needed to work on it..... As soon as her patch came off, 20 minutes later, she was her a hole self and that flipped my switch and I was a BIGGER a hole. Like battle of who can be the meanest!! I cant live like this anymore and it is NOT fair to her either! Please help!!
We both have insomnia and I have depression and so many other things on top. We always had a good relationship. We cuddle, read, she sleeps in my bed (she has separation anxiety) I have all around anxiety.... She has had a good life so far. Her dad is just that.... he doesn't help with anything. I have JUST decided to call him. i don't care if he is her friend, I need a break. I maxed out my card to get him a plane ticket to come help me. Even if it is just so i don't have to deal with her. I don't know. I can answer more questions. just trying to give a lil background info I guess... :/
Also, should mention, I have a son, 24, he is an amazing man. he is in the Army and was such a blessing..... He never disrespected me or acted like this. She has now "played" with fire 3 times that I CAUGHT! Who knows how many other times there were! I am gonna wake up in a fireball! I am scared to sleep.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
First you need professional help, no mother and kid should have a relationship like yours, I wish you both the best, they say sometimes getting off all the meds may help, good luck, God bless
3060903 tn?1398565123
You and her absolutely need counseling. I hope you understand how crucial it is for her to have a good life as a young and older adult. As it stands, she will be too hard for anyone to bother with, I'm afraid. Does she have friends at school? Sorry for all that you are dealing with. It's not easy being a single mother. You really need to get a handle on all of this, for yourself and your daughter and your grandkids sakes. Good luck. Know you can private message me and i'd be happy to talk with you privately. It sounds like you could use some friends.
Avatar universal
By seeking help and admitting you have a problem you will give a great example to your daughter. Anger is a natural emotion to have but without support and a set of tools, you can't manage it correctly. There is no shame in admitting the problem (which you've done). Healing can be a process you go through together and should ultimately strengthen your relationship. Taking the first steps can be very empowering. And if you don't have time or resources to afford professional help in person look online for videos, forums and support groups etc that can help. Some therapists can even have sessions through Skype etc. Good luck! (I was once like you- a victim of my own anger) if I can do it so can you!
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