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Why am I sometimes always angry?

I am 22 years old and been having this problem since I was 17 years old. I first noticed it when I was in a meeting and I was talking to a lady and found her really rude and judgemental for a professional worker I jumped across the table and punched her in the face a few times after a little while I was eventually pulled off and escort out. I could not believe what happened after the incident I was in terrible rage uncontrollable shakes.  I told my mum of the incident and she upset and shocked and had a serious talk with me. I sat down one night and try to come to a conclusion for my anger and believe it had something to do with childhood, when I was younger I was quite a big girl and school life was terrible then one day I thought that's it time for change I went from a size 20 to a size 10 and everything seemed so much better but in my heart i wanted revenge on them people that made me feel so low and this broke out and lead to exclusions and uncontrollable behaviour. I have been in trouble with the police and banned from places due to my anger. When I was growing up I never felt like anyone was there for me I honestly felt pushed out but I thought his was due to how I was acting?!. I have never had a good relationship with dad, I have been in a abusive relationship, I have been back stapped from people I have trusted and this has let to uncontrollable rage. Since I have had my son for 3 years now I have not had any fights or unacceptable behaviour I needed to change for my son. However I still feel deeply anger and feel if someone was to push my button's so far I will snap and defend myself in the wrong way. I also suffer from mental health problems what I have seeked help for and under control. But I have asked a number of agencies for anger management courses and I keep getting told there is nothing really for women. Is this true? And I would like to seek help for this if available and also for my mood swings.
No judging! And thank you for taking time to read.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
I would keep trying.  Do you do regular therapy/talk therapy and stay on any mental health medication you've started.  Feeling out of control is a terrible feeling and I'm sure it is scary.  And I don't want you to get arrested for assault.  I understand that your past experiences may cause this type of reaction and you are wise to be introspective like that.  Now, next step is to understand what triggers your past feelings to resurface and what you can do to calm yourself.  And if you have mood swings, talk to your doctor as perhaps they need to readjust your medication for mental health issues you are suffering.  Let us know how you are doing!
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