Did you get arrested? If not, that is one very forgiving man.
Try some therapy, dig to see where this is coming from. If narcissism is really the cause, that is a tough thing to change in one's personality, but rage to the point of blackout is not usually common as a companion to narcissism. (In other words, it might be that the two problems in your personality are not linked to each other, and though narcissism is hard to eradicate, perhaps the rage has a cause that can be explored in order to ease the problem.)
If you were drinking at the time you get these blacking-out rages, I'd certainly stop any drinking or using that I do, simply out of fear of how out of control you get.
Time for some good therapy and exploring what has happened to you and why this comes up.
do you have a record for assault, how is it that you did not get charged? did you not know this man, is that how you got away with it? was this in a small or large town?, did anyone but your mates see this incident? it's too bad one of your mates had not gone forward to the police,
in my opinion, you should own up to this in the tight fashion and turn yourself in and get some help for yourself.
i noticed that your profile states that you've been clean for over a year, it seriously sounds like there was drinking involved and this may be the problem in a nut shell
if you go off without warning with out drinking, you need to turn yourself into the police and get some mental health treatment
Your doctor has not demanded that you see a psychologist when you told him this? Something sounds fishy here.
by fishy i mean, if you told this doctor that you have come close to killing two people, that you know of in black outs, it should be their responsibility to insist that you seek anger management, and possibly turn yourself in, if not inform police themselves of your admission of guilt.
As you talk about this problem, I am sure that its something you don't have any control over it.
Here is an article re- Violence and Magnesium Deficiency.
Food supply in the world are mostly lacking in nutrients and people are unaware , Magnesium is a relaxation mineral which can easily be used up from our system due to each person's life style. Everyone needs Magnesium. Its a supplement we all should be taking.
Try it - to get you relaxed, and be able to have better control of yourself. I am sure you will do it if you only knew how, that's why you are here.
Magnesium Glycinate is the best form of Magnesium that you can take, as per bottle instructions. Easiest to absorb without laxative side effects.
Search more on Magnesium Deficiency - anger, vilolence..
Here is one article:
Magnesium Deficiency Apparently Increases Violent Crime
by Paul Mason, Pres.
Healthy Water Association
Some symptoms of magnesium deficiency are irritability and belligerence .
Another symptom of magnesium deficiency is depression . Depression is a mood disorder that can lead to suicide . The activity of serotonin receptors is affected by changes in magnesium levels [4,5,6,7,8]. Taber's Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary says that serotonin is a potent vasoconstrictor and is thought to be involved in neural mechanisms important in sleep and sensory perception. A relationship between migraine and magnesium has been established . There is also a connection between migraine and major depression . It has also been found that magnesium relieves the depression of premenstrual syndrome by changing serotonin activity .
This suggests that part of the high rate of violent crime could be mitigated by ending the magnesium deficiencies that have been imposed as a result of the FDA's approval of magnesium-deficient water, magnesium-deficient white flour products such as white bread and buns, and cola drinks which cause loss of Mg due to phosphates contained in cola drinks, and high-fat diets which combine with Mg in the digestive tract forming useless magnesium soaps which are excreted. Thus, All-American meals of hot-dogs or hamburgers on magnesium-deficient buns, accompanied by greasy fries, and washed down with colas, may eventually lead to Mg-deficiency, reductions in serotonin, and increases in violence.
I hope you do the research.. The pills will help you get a hold of yourself. You are not meant to be this way. You are magnesium deficient.
I just went back to your history.
Just to say, use of drugs does deplete Magnesium, and so with alcohol, loud noise, video games and so on.
You did excellent by getting yourself off of those drugs.
I know that was difficult but you did it :)
Take Magnesium supplements, have your Vit D levels checked.
B complex 100 to 125 mg per B Vitamin is another supplement that would be a wise addition to control the nerves.
Take care and do more search.
"The Magnesium Miracle" book by Dr C Dean is an excellent source.
She is also on You tube, just search Magnesium deficiency.
Pal, im goin thru that now, my wife an i hd a blow out recently, she call the police,she had had enough. She alleged i said i wd kill her an the kids and myself. I remember sayin were all goin to hell. Two different syiried. I love my wife with all my hearr. I knew we hd problems, i hd sought help to c what we needed to fix our marriage. I spent the last yr askin her why do u say i say such things to u? I didnt say that, am i just not speakin right? She say o u spoke alright. I didnt get it. I wanted to save our marriage, i really did. After being able to speak to her, i asked why did u say to the police tjose things? She said u did say that, u scared me! I love her she wouldnt lie. I gound your artical under anger blackouts! My goodness...it makes sense to me now 20 yrs of this an we didnt know it...i hv gone to c a Threapist, its only been one visit. Do i dont know exactly whats wrong yet.but i need help. Any suggestion, on how to save my marriage.i had no idea if this at all.what a monster, ive been.