Aa
Eating disorder ? Am I going downhill ?
Hi, I am 24 years old and prior to this have always been one of those skinny girls who could eat whatever they want and never gain weight.
Last year I took up a job that required me to travel alot, work long hours and work irregular hours. I have gained 8 kgs. Now I am 5'2" and 57 kgs. My frame is small and the weight gain looks huge.
Ive been trying hard to lose weight - exercising, diets, etc but because of my work I find it hard to stick to any type of schedule and the weight will not budge. I have over the past 6 months had several binge/purge episodes. I can stick to a reasonable diet but once I start on junk I cannot stop. I find myself eating and eating and even though I know i should really just put down my fork and stop I cannot. I then end up throwing everything up to feel better. I also do this if I am in a situation where I am eating out and have to eat something i think is unhealthy like pizza or pastry or fried junk. There are times where I am so obsessed with food that I dont know what to eat because I cant decide what is healthy or not.
I recently realized that I am also starting to snack in secret. I dont know why and i dont know who im hiding from.
I dont know if I have a problem or im on the way to having a problem or if im lying to myself when I say I dont have a problem because I dont do this all the time and I only do it when I feel uncomfortable full.
I actually dont even know what the main question is. Just thought Id see if any of you all out there have something to share. Ive researched eating disorders over and over again and I know what it can do
to your health but every time i tell myself i will not throw it all up I end up doing it anyway.
Any comments?
Last year I took up a job that required me to travel alot, work long hours and work irregular hours. I have gained 8 kgs. Now I am 5'2" and 57 kgs. My frame is small and the weight gain looks huge.
Ive been trying hard to lose weight - exercising, diets, etc but because of my work I find it hard to stick to any type of schedule and the weight will not budge. I have over the past 6 months had several binge/purge episodes. I can stick to a reasonable diet but once I start on junk I cannot stop. I find myself eating and eating and even though I know i should really just put down my fork and stop I cannot. I then end up throwing everything up to feel better. I also do this if I am in a situation where I am eating out and have to eat something i think is unhealthy like pizza or pastry or fried junk. There are times where I am so obsessed with food that I dont know what to eat because I cant decide what is healthy or not.
I recently realized that I am also starting to snack in secret. I dont know why and i dont know who im hiding from.
I dont know if I have a problem or im on the way to having a problem or if im lying to myself when I say I dont have a problem because I dont do this all the time and I only do it when I feel uncomfortable full.
I actually dont even know what the main question is. Just thought Id see if any of you all out there have something to share. Ive researched eating disorders over and over again and I know what it can do
to your health but every time i tell myself i will not throw it all up I end up doing it anyway.
Any comments?
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You do sound like you are struggling and have been for a while. I'm sorry to hear. I know it can feel overwhelming, despairing and devastating. From what you are describing, you could well have bulimia. Bulimia, as you probably have read, is defined by bingeing (i.e., 1) large quantities of food descretely 2) over a short period of time about 2 hours 3) out of control fashion and 4) with compensatory behavior - vomiting is one example). Also, the binge/purging happens on average at least 2x/week and over 3 months. In addition, self-evaluation is dependent mostly on body shape and weight. I would highly recommend that you seek professiona support medically for the damage the vomiting could be doing to you physically and psychologically to help you find other ways of expressing your feelings and utilizing healthy coping and relational skills. By visiting The Bella Vita website, we have bulimia defined, medical complications and treatment options. Wishing you wellness and wellbeing, Dr Patricia Pitts The Bella Vita Los Angeles
im finding myself in some what of a lose lose situation when i eat out at social gatherings.
its either i suck it in and eat what everyone else is eating which i dont want to eat - usually stuff loaded with carbs or sugar or both .. and then feel like **** when i get back and try and throw everything up
or i go right to the other extreme and eat only healthy food which works out fine .. till something triggers me and i start on junk
i dont know if its just me, but i can usually maintain a healthy diet .. until i start on junk ie bisuits, cookies, chocolate ... then i keep on craving it
it drives me insane.
its either i suck it in and eat what everyone else is eating which i dont want to eat - usually stuff loaded with carbs or sugar or both .. and then feel like **** when i get back and try and throw everything up
or i go right to the other extreme and eat only healthy food which works out fine .. till something triggers me and i start on junk
i dont know if its just me, but i can usually maintain a healthy diet .. until i start on junk ie bisuits, cookies, chocolate ... then i keep on craving it
it drives me insane.
Hey! Here is a great big hug for ya!!!
As I have told many people, I suffered with anorexia with periods on and off of bulimarexia in between for 13 years. Being that I am only 25, that was a large portion of my life.
I am now in recovery, and this time, I didnt go into treatment(other than medical stabalizing with Drs/hospitals). I had to decide that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Weight gain can be scary, embarassing, and make us feel ashamed. While you may not be comfortable now, please remember that what would be more scarey and embarassing is losing control. Bulimia is just that.
Most binges are triggered by highfat/high carb foods. Going organic and only buying snacks at whole foods such as soy nuts, cashews, tuna, grilled chicken, vegetables, gluten free snacks, edamame beans, hummus, tabouli salad, etc etc etc can reduce binges. Lean high protein snacks and meals keep you full longer and more satisfied. If you are buying junk, dont. I dont say this bc you need to lose weight or diet, I am saying this bc not only does it trigger your binges, but most people dont realize it also makes you feel awful!
Junk food is so full of additives that it tricks your body into forgetting when it is really full. When you buy a snack food, the less ingredients, the better. If it has 10 or more ingredients, its probably junk. When you eat protein and organic foods that dont have those additives, your body will be satisfied. You dont need to count calories, just make sure when you eat that you make it a conscious effort. Dont sit in front of the tv or computor, but at a table with proper utensils. Be sure to thoroughly chew your food. Ask yourself when you are halfway through your portion how you feel, wait a few minutes, and than if you are still hungry continue eating.
In any event, focusing on getting 'healthy' not 'skinny' is a great and much healthier approach. I am lactose intolerant, choose to rarely eat red meat, and stay away from simple carbohydrates for the most part. While initially it can be challenging at social get togethers, and people may comment, I realize that I feel better about myself and overall have more energy when I do stick to it. Likewise, I forgive myself when I do not stick to the diet. I allow myself 'treats'.
As far as the snacking in secret, and hiding, that is a huge sign of an eating disorder. I STILL find myself so ashamed to eat around others. I have to consciously remind myself EVERY time that I am not committing a crime by giving my body food. I still blush and feel like they are watching me sin when I eat in public. If you havent seen girl interrupted, you should watch it. TO those without an eating disorder the crazy bulimic girl with chickens hidden under her bed to binge on was just a silly character. To those with an eating disorder, its a passport to whats going on inside of our minds. When someone asked in the movie why she didnt like eating in front of people she stated something like "Would you like to take a **** in the middle of a cafeteria"?--no--"Thats how it feels".
Now Im rambling, I hope that I gave at least some insight. Please get help.
As I have told many people, I suffered with anorexia with periods on and off of bulimarexia in between for 13 years. Being that I am only 25, that was a large portion of my life.
I am now in recovery, and this time, I didnt go into treatment(other than medical stabalizing with Drs/hospitals). I had to decide that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Weight gain can be scary, embarassing, and make us feel ashamed. While you may not be comfortable now, please remember that what would be more scarey and embarassing is losing control. Bulimia is just that.
Most binges are triggered by highfat/high carb foods. Going organic and only buying snacks at whole foods such as soy nuts, cashews, tuna, grilled chicken, vegetables, gluten free snacks, edamame beans, hummus, tabouli salad, etc etc etc can reduce binges. Lean high protein snacks and meals keep you full longer and more satisfied. If you are buying junk, dont. I dont say this bc you need to lose weight or diet, I am saying this bc not only does it trigger your binges, but most people dont realize it also makes you feel awful!
Junk food is so full of additives that it tricks your body into forgetting when it is really full. When you buy a snack food, the less ingredients, the better. If it has 10 or more ingredients, its probably junk. When you eat protein and organic foods that dont have those additives, your body will be satisfied. You dont need to count calories, just make sure when you eat that you make it a conscious effort. Dont sit in front of the tv or computor, but at a table with proper utensils. Be sure to thoroughly chew your food. Ask yourself when you are halfway through your portion how you feel, wait a few minutes, and than if you are still hungry continue eating.
In any event, focusing on getting 'healthy' not 'skinny' is a great and much healthier approach. I am lactose intolerant, choose to rarely eat red meat, and stay away from simple carbohydrates for the most part. While initially it can be challenging at social get togethers, and people may comment, I realize that I feel better about myself and overall have more energy when I do stick to it. Likewise, I forgive myself when I do not stick to the diet. I allow myself 'treats'.
As far as the snacking in secret, and hiding, that is a huge sign of an eating disorder. I STILL find myself so ashamed to eat around others. I have to consciously remind myself EVERY time that I am not committing a crime by giving my body food. I still blush and feel like they are watching me sin when I eat in public. If you havent seen girl interrupted, you should watch it. TO those without an eating disorder the crazy bulimic girl with chickens hidden under her bed to binge on was just a silly character. To those with an eating disorder, its a passport to whats going on inside of our minds. When someone asked in the movie why she didnt like eating in front of people she stated something like "Would you like to take a **** in the middle of a cafeteria"?--no--"Thats how it feels".
Now Im rambling, I hope that I gave at least some insight. Please get help.
I know that me saying this may or may not be helpful because you have to be the one to realize it, but it does sound like you have a problem. Please understand I am not saying this in a criticizing manner. I am not. I have an eating disorder so I am not saying that in that sort of tone at all. I am concerned. It does sound like at least some part of you realizes that what you are doing isn't healthy, or that it might be problematic. Am I right? Would it be possible to get help? Or would you even be willing, or want to? I think it would be beneficial if it's something you would be open to. I can relate to some of your behaviors. Eating disorders aren't really something that one can just stop. It's deeper than that. I hope you are doing okay today.
Ashley
Ashley
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