Aa
Girlfriend is binging/purging
I have been with my girlfriend about a year now. Shes 22, 5'9'', and 135 lbs. Ever since I met her, she has been doing this on and off. Its been great for a few months, but shes back at it again. There was a time when she admited to doing it, but now she waits until im not around and does it behind my back. I know she is doing it because she bloggs about it and posts up sick pictures of all these really thin girls which she wants to be like. We eat meals then she throws it up trying to avoid the calorie intake. I cant stand to know she does this. She makes it so obvious and its driving me crazy because I cant talk to her about it because everytime in the past I always said the wrong things, which probably makes her want to do it even more. She doesnt eat all day. Only drinks green tea with no sugar, and chicken broth and if she does eat she purges. Then I find out we ate dinner the other night and I went to the store because she wanted something and she threw up dinner while I was gone. The only meal of the day and she doesnt even keep that in. Shes in these little web blog groups with all these girls who do this and fuel each other to "keep up the good work". She openly admits to binging then purging on several occasions in her blogs. Makes me sick where I dont even want to eat or show up for dinner. I love this girl and it hurts me to see her do this to herself to lose a couple of pounds. Lately it has been ruining my day and its all I can think about. I dont even want to kiss her when she does this. She has recently shown the signs of doing it again. She goes through chewing gum like crazy, buys chicken broth, closes the door everytime she goes to the restroom, and Ive caught her saving those pictures of the skinny girls on her computer again. It makes me want to run away but I cant over something so stupid. I dont know how to talk to her about it. I cant say, "hey I read your blog and im mad".
I know how you feel. My wife is anorexic - has been probably since she was a child - now 43. Tragic. I can't safely bring up the subject without obliterating what little trust she feels towards me. I have been reading and reading and I feel very little is understood about this condition.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear nonameyet,
Thank you for asking this very important question for yourself and others that may be reading this blog.
You must be in a lot of pain. I know you love and care for your girlfriend. Her behaviors are extremely unhealthy and damaging to her mind, body and spirit. If left untreated, research shows that 20% of those with anorexia and bulimia die.
She is the only one that can address her issues and change. Your uncomfortable feelings are telling you a lot. You need to honor your feelings and experience. Not saying anything to her is colluding with her illness.
Sit down with your girlfriend and let her know how her behaviors are affecting you. Speak from “I” statements. I feel such and such when you do such and such behaviors. For example, you could say something like: I feel sad and helpless when I see you go through the day and only drink green tea plain and chicken broth. I’m concerned that when I do see you eat, you go to the bathroom and purge your food. I care about you and I do not want you doing damage to your body. Let her know you want to go with her for a consultation with an eating disorder specialist.
If you need support, you could ask a few close friends and family member who are concerned about her to do an intervention as a group or with a professional. Everyone meets and stays with “I” statements and then ask her to seek treatment. If you would like more information, contact me directly through the bella vita website.
You may fear that you’ll lose her. You already have lost her to the eating disorder. She is also at risk for major medical problems, even death. You have more to lose, by not addressing it with her.
To learn more about anorexia, bulimia and free ANAD groups we offer, visit the bella vita website.
Best,
Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles
Thank you for asking this very important question for yourself and others that may be reading this blog.
You must be in a lot of pain. I know you love and care for your girlfriend. Her behaviors are extremely unhealthy and damaging to her mind, body and spirit. If left untreated, research shows that 20% of those with anorexia and bulimia die.
She is the only one that can address her issues and change. Your uncomfortable feelings are telling you a lot. You need to honor your feelings and experience. Not saying anything to her is colluding with her illness.
Sit down with your girlfriend and let her know how her behaviors are affecting you. Speak from “I” statements. I feel such and such when you do such and such behaviors. For example, you could say something like: I feel sad and helpless when I see you go through the day and only drink green tea plain and chicken broth. I’m concerned that when I do see you eat, you go to the bathroom and purge your food. I care about you and I do not want you doing damage to your body. Let her know you want to go with her for a consultation with an eating disorder specialist.
If you need support, you could ask a few close friends and family member who are concerned about her to do an intervention as a group or with a professional. Everyone meets and stays with “I” statements and then ask her to seek treatment. If you would like more information, contact me directly through the bella vita website.
You may fear that you’ll lose her. You already have lost her to the eating disorder. She is also at risk for major medical problems, even death. You have more to lose, by not addressing it with her.
To learn more about anorexia, bulimia and free ANAD groups we offer, visit the bella vita website.
Best,
Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles
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