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Anorexia, Bulimia & Binge Eating Forum
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Avatar universal

I need help!

Hello, I am 18 years old and for the past 4 or 5 years I have had horrible eating habits. It started with me being a chubby middle schooler, and starving myself the summer before 9th grade. I lost between 20-30lbs. I bounced around from various diet and exercise programs over the past years. I have starved myself, used diet pills, laxatives, and made myself throw up over the course of the years. I am 5 foot 5.5 in. and I currently weight 158. Last year I weighted 144 and I moved to live with my father, I went up to about 165 while living there. It was a mixture of depression and boredom that caused my weight gain. I then moved back with my mother over the summer, I started eating less and using diet and laxative pills and I went from low 160s to 150. For the past 3 or 4 months I have been making myself throw up about 3-5 times a week. I have gained a lot of weight in a short period of time, close to 10 lbs. I am a vegetarian and I try to eat all healthy organic food. My body has no metabolism anymore, I eat about 1200-1500 cal. a day and I have just been gaining weight, I have also been exercising 3-4 times a week. I know I have royally messed up my body. I am 158 and my dream weight would be 130-135. I still really want to lose weight but I want to turn my life around. I don't want to be struggling with all my eating problems. I want to fix my body! I want to be confident in myself and feel pretty. I feel so ugly fat and disgusting, I hate going out it public and showing myself. My pants don't fit me anymore and I just want to for once in my life be happy with myself. I know that my problems are quite minor compared to some, but they have horribly effected my life. I am going to college in August and I want to lose weight and get myself started on a program that will help me get to my goal weight.
5 Responses
514715 tn?1338269858
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Your struggle is real and difficult to manage on your own.  Eating disorder symptoms and their underlying issues get worst if you don't get treatment.  If you have insurance, check with your insurance for the closest treatment centers near you.  A thorough assessment will help direct you to the appropriate level of care.  To learn more about eating disorders and level of cares visit the bella vita website.  Best, Dr Patricia Pitts
712314 tn?1303101690
i recommend a treatment center, before these patterns of starving, laxitives and throwing up get out of hand. It's amazing that over the past 5 years they havent' gotten out of hand. I myself have done everything you've done. I'm 18 and have bulima and anorexica. Things have gotten pretty serious for me over the last year. The seriousness of what your doing can hit hard and fast, and before you know it it's out of hand. Get help know! dont' wait until august. as soon as you get out of high school go to a center. They're really not that bad, but they do fill up quickly for the summer, so you might want to start looking it to it before the end of the year.
If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me.
Rachel
Avatar universal
Yeah, I guess it never got tremendously out of hand because it was in spurts, I would lose weight and be happy until I gained weight again. I know what I have done is horrible for my body, but I just want to talk to a nutritionist and get a diet plan that will work for me. I don't live in an area where there is a treatment center around, and I know that would be good for me but I could stop all that if I started to lose weight again. I'd get very depressed and that's when I would start starving, throwing up, and using diet and laxative pills. I have just gotten to a point where I am throwing the scale away so I won't freak out if I go up in weight. I have kept my struggles to myself, it is kind of ironic because people always come to me for diet advice and their self-esteem issues. People see me as confident, I don't show the self conscious side to many. I am not close with my parents and I don't want them to get involved. I am joining the gym tomorrow and I am going to start working out 5 times a week and I am going to start eating more. Before I would just be walking/jogging 3-4 miles a day, so I think the gym will definitely kick start my metabolism a bit. I think just will all my past experiences, I am entering this diet/work out plan with a stronger head than the past. When I say I am done with throwing up, starving, and diet and laxative pills I really do mean it. I guess I had a wake up call and I am about to start a new chapter of my life and I want my insecurities to be part of the past!
Do you think it is a bad idea for me to try this on my own? I think I just need to talk to people with similar struggles, I can't relate with my friends on this topic.
712314 tn?1303101690

Well, i think that it's fine if you want to try this on your own. i think it's good you want to see a nutritionist and get on a diet plan, and exercise is always good, but you need to be honest with your nutritionist about your eating habbits in order for her to help you, and you also want to make sure  not to overexersice because that can be just another forn of an eating disorder.
i thought that there wasnt any treatment centers around me either, but then i found 2 about an hour away from me, so it is a long commute getting there but it was worth it.
As far as being fine once you loose wieght, that is another sign of a disorder. We always think that once we just loose 5-10lbs, we'll be fine, but we usually aren't. 5-10lbs turns into 20lbs, then 30lbs, and so on, so watch that.
It's also really good to throw away your scale. Any treatment center would tell you to do that. I haven't quite been able to get to that point yet. I'm always here to talk. Do your friends have eating disorders?
I understand about you wanting to  talk to others with eating disorders, that's the reason i joined this site, and i've found a ton of awesome support here.
Let me know how your doing, and keep me updated.
Rachel
1140989 tn?1429776863
A related discussion, weight was started.
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