I as struggling with my eating disorder, again. I have bounced back and forth between anorexia and bulimia (but mostly bulimia) since I was 13. I am now 28 and I am still ruled by my eating disorder. I have been in a lot of therapy over those 15 years, even an out patient treatment program. I am in school and working, so life gets stressful, but everyone has stress in their lives. Some how my ED has gotten ahold of me again...My ED has become a part of my life, a part of me. I purge nearly everyday (but not many multiple times a day, like I used to). I am comfortable with it. It is no longer hard for me to purge, it just comes up on its own, so it is no big deal to do it. Somedays I hate the ED. I obsess about food/weight/when I will throw up, etc. Other days, I don't think about it at all; I throw up as if it was a normal part of everyone's day. My family is aware of my ED, but they think it ended a few years ago when I went to out patient treatment
I just wonder if I will ever get over this... will I ever want to give up my ED. What makes people finally recover? I am not in any therapy right. I am on an extremely tight budget, so I can't afford it, plus I don't have time. How do I let go of this? Or am I destined to throw up my whole life? I am just sad that I have let it get control of me again. Do you think I ever be normal, happy and free of my ED?
Also, my hands and feet are always cold. I can't seem to ever warm them up. Do you know what could cause this?
Thank you in advance for your help.
I know for a fact there is HOPE to be freed of your eating disorder forever! It sounds like you’ve had some relief and freedom from most of your symptoms at a point. It’s helpful to look at what issues triggered your current episode, how your eating disorder currently serves you, what in your life are you not voicing, what tools have worked for you in the past and try instituting them in your life now, and preserve, preserve, preserve.
There are free self-help groups like Overeaters Anonymous (12-step program) and Anorexia Nervosa and other Disorders (ANAD), etc. Look online for more on these free support groups.
To learn more about eating disorders, visit the bella vita website.
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