Dear nonameyet,
Thank you for asking this very important question for yourself and others that may be reading this blog.
You must be in a lot of pain. I know you love and care for your girlfriend. Her behaviors are extremely unhealthy and damaging to her mind, body and spirit. If left untreated, research shows that 20% of those with anorexia and bulimia die.
She is the only one that can address her issues and change. Your uncomfortable feelings are telling you a lot. You need to honor your feelings and experience. Not saying anything to her is colluding with her illness.
Sit down with your girlfriend and let her know how her behaviors are affecting you. Speak from “I” statements. I feel such and such when you do such and such behaviors. For example, you could say something like: I feel sad and helpless when I see you go through the day and only drink green tea plain and chicken broth. I’m concerned that when I do see you eat, you go to the bathroom and purge your food. I care about you and I do not want you doing damage to your body. Let her know you want to go with her for a consultation with an eating disorder specialist.
If you need support, you could ask a few close friends and family member who are concerned about her to do an intervention as a group or with a professional. Everyone meets and stays with “I” statements and then ask her to seek treatment. If you would like more information, contact me directly through the bella vita website.
You may fear that you’ll lose her. You already have lost her to the eating disorder. She is also at risk for major medical problems, even death. You have more to lose, by not addressing it with her.
To learn more about anorexia, bulimia and free ANAD groups we offer, visit the bella vita website.
Best,
Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles
I know how you feel. My wife is anorexic - has been probably since she was a child - now 43. Tragic. I can't safely bring up the subject without obliterating what little trust she feels towards me. I have been reading and reading and I feel very little is understood about this condition.