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Interrupting purging
My daughter is in treatment and will be home for spring break. Should I try to prevent her from purging. Or should I just support her?
She is 103, is it ok for her to weight lift?
She is 103, is it ok for her to weight lift?
Do you have contact with your daughter and with her treatment team right now? I've been out of state a couple times in treatment and I've known it to be pretty crucial that these places keep the families involved in most cases. Aren't they keeping contact with you and trying to help you and keep you updated?
We put her in reidential treatmen in another state due to rapid weight loss and depression.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Mommy1989,
Do you have contact with her therapist or treatment team? If so, I would contact them for their direction regarding purging and weight lifting. I think it’s important for you to be on the same page as her treatment team. If not, I would ask your daughter for permission to speak with them to support you in assisting her.
For more information on eating disorders, visit the bella vita website.
Best,
Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA
Woodland Hills, CA
Do you have contact with her therapist or treatment team? If so, I would contact them for their direction regarding purging and weight lifting. I think it’s important for you to be on the same page as her treatment team. If not, I would ask your daughter for permission to speak with them to support you in assisting her.
For more information on eating disorders, visit the bella vita website.
Best,
Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA
Woodland Hills, CA
all she is admitting to is to using a card to buy an electronic device. She is suspected of stealing money and food gift cards. I am afraid she will get kicked out of college
What do you mean exactly? Like charged food and stuff on? Or is that another issue she is dealing with? I can try to help you help her. Please help me understand what you are needing the most help with though. I don't have much to go on. I really want to help you. Hang in there okay? There is hope. =)
She has admitted that she used somone's card when she was really depressed and charged something. How do I help her. She is trying so hard but it seems like there continues to be obstacles for her to overcome
The answer to your question about recovery is YES, people DO get better. I have seen it happen. It is absolutely not easy though. It takes a lot of determination and hard work. She has to want it. The journey to recovery is definitely not a perfect one either. There will be slips, maybe relapses, but also good times, glimpses of what it's like to really and truly live.
As far as what to say, let her know that you are there to support her and help her. Tell her that she can ask you for help if she needs it during hard times and that you will do whatever she needs. It might just be doing something to distract her after a meal such as playing a game or going somewhere. As far as what not to say....Don't make comments about her appearance. One of the worst things someone with an e.d. in weight restoration can possibly hear is "You're looking better" or "You look good/healthy" etc. In that person's head, it gets all twisted around and they take it to mean "I'm fat" even though that's not what was intended at all. I've never met someone with an e.d. that has not said that.
As far as food, does she have a meal plan? Do you know of particular things that might trigger her?
As far as what to say, let her know that you are there to support her and help her. Tell her that she can ask you for help if she needs it during hard times and that you will do whatever she needs. It might just be doing something to distract her after a meal such as playing a game or going somewhere. As far as what not to say....Don't make comments about her appearance. One of the worst things someone with an e.d. in weight restoration can possibly hear is "You're looking better" or "You look good/healthy" etc. In that person's head, it gets all twisted around and they take it to mean "I'm fat" even though that's not what was intended at all. I've never met someone with an e.d. that has not said that.
As far as food, does she have a meal plan? Do you know of particular things that might trigger her?
Does anyone ever get better is a hard question to answer. On this site i have found people who have recovered, but more often than not i hear recovered people say that it's never compeltling gone. The behaviors may stop, but it's hard to say your ever completley recovered. I hear recoving more often, because Ed is such a strong relationship, i think that the fears, and the visuale perception may change a little, but is still carried with the person, even long after the behaviors stop.
As a bulimerixic myself, and as a mother with a child with an ED you have to believe recovery is possible. Or there would be no point in living. The belief and hope of recovery, is what keeps me going. Knowing that someday i could be free, helps me get up in the morning.
Recovery is a long hard road, that i'm not going to lie could take years, possible yes, hard, yes, worth it...absolutely!
As a bulimerixic myself, and as a mother with a child with an ED you have to believe recovery is possible. Or there would be no point in living. The belief and hope of recovery, is what keeps me going. Knowing that someday i could be free, helps me get up in the morning.
Recovery is a long hard road, that i'm not going to lie could take years, possible yes, hard, yes, worth it...absolutely!
I am trying to be supportive. I am not sure how much food to have in the house. What can I say to support her?
Does anyone ever get better?
Does anyone ever get better?
Ohhhhhh okay. That makes perfect sense. I totally understand that. I've been in that situation. I thought you meant it was the ending goal. Thanks for clearing it up! I hope things are going well! =)
105 will allow her to start practicing with her team which is her motivation it is not the ending goal. It is just her first step
105 lbs. does seem like a low number for someone your daughters height. Everything that Ashley and benotafraid have said is true. We are all here to talk to and bounce ideas off of it you need it, and because we've all been where you daughter is, and because we've all gone through the same things with our mothers, we can probably tell you how whatever your going to do will feel to you daughter. I hope we have all been helpful. If you'd like to talk more feel free to PM me, or continue talking here.
I hope everything is going well
Rachel
I hope everything is going well
Rachel
She is 5'5 and they only want her to gain two more pounds??? Are you sure she's 5'5? That sounds like a low weight for that height to me because she would only then be at 105 pounds right? Is she at a place that specializes in eating disorders? She would baaaarely be at like, the lowest number she "should" be at for her height, but still isn't really at her ideal weight or range necessarily I wouldn't think. I mean, I don't know her or anything, but that's just a guess.
I'm not going to repeat and say only that "she's going to find a way" whether you try to stop her or not. While that is true, that's not the first thought that came through my mind when I first read this. I've actually been thinking long and hard about what you've written for a couple days, and wanted to really think about this situation before replying. I was first wondering her age. I mean, technically it doesn't reeeeally matter, but I guess it sort of makes a difference in her mind maybe how much of a role you might have in this? I don't know? Does that make any sense?
I guess my advice would be to not try to step in and monitor everything, but be supportive and be there for her if she needs you or asks for help. Let her know straight forward that you are there to help her and there if she needs you, but I wouldn't force anything such as monitoring bathrooms after meals. That could turn you into more of "the enemy" in her mind and make her want to sneak around you, as opposed to you being on her side, which we both know is what most definitely are. Is this making any sense at all?
I'm happy to talk more if you'd like. I've been thinking about this a whole lot. I'm a 22 year old with an eating disorder and trying to recover. I have struggled since age 13. My mom and I have battled it out and she's tried everything from controlling every move I make from ignoring everything I do. We're much better now. I've been in treatment, and had periods of nothing. Pretty much, I could relate to whatever point you are at quite possibly and if you would like to message me or talk more here, I'd be happy to. I sure wish you and your daughter the very best of luck, as well as your daughter in her recovery. =)
Ashley
I'm not going to repeat and say only that "she's going to find a way" whether you try to stop her or not. While that is true, that's not the first thought that came through my mind when I first read this. I've actually been thinking long and hard about what you've written for a couple days, and wanted to really think about this situation before replying. I was first wondering her age. I mean, technically it doesn't reeeeally matter, but I guess it sort of makes a difference in her mind maybe how much of a role you might have in this? I don't know? Does that make any sense?
I guess my advice would be to not try to step in and monitor everything, but be supportive and be there for her if she needs you or asks for help. Let her know straight forward that you are there to help her and there if she needs you, but I wouldn't force anything such as monitoring bathrooms after meals. That could turn you into more of "the enemy" in her mind and make her want to sneak around you, as opposed to you being on her side, which we both know is what most definitely are. Is this making any sense at all?
I'm happy to talk more if you'd like. I've been thinking about this a whole lot. I'm a 22 year old with an eating disorder and trying to recover. I have struggled since age 13. My mom and I have battled it out and she's tried everything from controlling every move I make from ignoring everything I do. We're much better now. I've been in treatment, and had periods of nothing. Pretty much, I could relate to whatever point you are at quite possibly and if you would like to message me or talk more here, I'd be happy to. I sure wish you and your daughter the very best of luck, as well as your daughter in her recovery. =)
Ashley
Hi,
Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother that cares so much.
To answer your question, from my experience of being in inpatient treatment, the staff is watching her very, very, very closely. While I was inpatient, once we woke up in the morning and got dressed at 6:00 am, our rooms were locked until 9:00 pm (which was 2 hours after our last snack [so that the food would be digested when we went to bed]). During the day, the staff took us to the bathroom, unlocked it, watched with the door wide open while we took care of going, and re-locked it when we were finished. It made going to the restroom to purge impossible; however, I still found a way to purge. It was very tricky, but the point is, even with all of their attempts of trying to help me by locking doors, checking my napkins, random weighing, and watching everything I ate, I still found a way to do what I wanted to do. So, while you certainly don't want to support her purging behaviors, any prevention method you apply will most likely be in vein. Sometimes it takes years to recover, but she will when she is ready. No one can choose recovery for her except her.
Your daughter is very lucky to have a mother that cares so much.
To answer your question, from my experience of being in inpatient treatment, the staff is watching her very, very, very closely. While I was inpatient, once we woke up in the morning and got dressed at 6:00 am, our rooms were locked until 9:00 pm (which was 2 hours after our last snack [so that the food would be digested when we went to bed]). During the day, the staff took us to the bathroom, unlocked it, watched with the door wide open while we took care of going, and re-locked it when we were finished. It made going to the restroom to purge impossible; however, I still found a way to purge. It was very tricky, but the point is, even with all of their attempts of trying to help me by locking doors, checking my napkins, random weighing, and watching everything I ate, I still found a way to do what I wanted to do. So, while you certainly don't want to support her purging behaviors, any prevention method you apply will most likely be in vein. Sometimes it takes years to recover, but she will when she is ready. No one can choose recovery for her except her.
They want her to gain two more pounds. I think she is 5'5"
Personally, and this is coming from a person suffering from bulimerexia, i wouldn't interrupte her from purging. If she really wants to do it, she'll find a way that you won't know about. If she doesn't purge in the bathroom, she might go outside, or her room...Trust me people with Ed will find a way if that' s what there dead set on doing.
As far as being 103, how old is she, and what's her height. Because based on that 103 might be an average weight.
As far as being 103, how old is she, and what's her height. Because based on that 103 might be an average weight.
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