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17 years old anxiety? tearing me apart :(

Hello
I posted this on a different forum but wrote paragraph after paragraph and got no replies probably due to it being to long so i will just summarize my symptoms and say i haven't been to the doctors yet because I can not go alone and im not close to anyone even my family. My mum has suffered from clinical anxiety when i was a baby to the point where she couldn't even leave the house. Mine is not as extreme as that. I will go to the doctors soon just want to know your opinions as to if you think this is anxiety normal or some other psychological illness.
SYMPTOMS:
-Extreme thirst- Get worried if i don't have a bottle of water on me and a feeling of extreme thirst
-Sickness like nervous feeling when going normal places such as school or shopping
-Avoid all contact with people I don't know and can't talk on the phone to people other than family
-Stay in all the time never go out as i used to if friends ask me to go out i make excuses
-Rather be on my own in my room than allow friends to come over
-Always worry about the way i look if im fat if im ugly etc
-Had to leave school due to can't consontrate and my nerves each morning make me not want to go
-Paranoid people are talking about me or laughing about me
-Had thoughts of suicide although i have never tried it and i could never bring myself to actually do it
-Fear of death what happens after death etc
-Scared of everything at night, usually have to go sleep in my mums room afraid something could be in mine
-If i hear loud bangs outside i assume its someone shooting and there going to kill me
-Scared to go places like the cinema as you hear about all of these run in and shoot incidents
-Worry about everything, have to note it down in a book just so i can get to sleep and stop thinking
-I think about stressful things i dont want to think about in the middle of important times where i need to consontrate such as an exam and can't forget about it
-Sometimes im happy and feel really lucky and good about myself but 95% of the time i feel down
-Feel awful, cry myself to sleep
-Feel like im loosing control and going crazy and no one cares about me
-Feeling that I don't love my boyfriend of 2 years anymore and like ive lost all love for him and we shouldn't be together (although i could never end it because i no i do love him)
-Feeling that my boyfriends cheating (for no reason whatsoever)
-Feeling that my boyfriends thinks im ugly and wants things back the way they used to be (i used to be a tiny size uk 6)
-Feeling he dosen't enjoy sex anymore so is going to look else where
-Ask the person im with to pay for my stuff in shops (with my money) to avoid talking to the cashier
-Can't eat infront of people unless i know them really well like family and close friends
-Can't talk to strangers and make eye contact
-Can't be infront of lots of strangers

The thing thats really bugging me is the boyfriend issue as i know i do love him but have a feeling that I don't anymore and that where not meant for eachother, If he was to ever end it with me i know i would be absolutely devastated because I love him so much so why am i thinking this? also i have no problems with being horrible to the people that care about me most (family) its like the emotions of being nasty dosen't register properly in my head
Please help me, its tearing me apart  
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Avatar universal
Earliest appointment I could get was next Tuesday, I spoke to a friend about it who seems to think I could have bipolar and i took an online mental health test which said my chances for bipolar where extremely high, but i guess il find that out on Tuesday, thanks for your advice
Helpful - 0
4651080 tn?1357599210
Get yourself to a therapist. No shame or harm done in it at all. I've been in therapy for years, and I'm only 26.

Sounds to me #1 your anxiety is genetic. #2 Social phobias and irrational phobias. Never base your life on what another person can do for you (boyfriend thing). Always rely on yourself. Believe it or not, you are fully capable. "No, I'm scared of my own shadow", you may say. But seriously, deep down you would have never secretly asked for help if you didn't know that you truly deserved it!

I would say you have Generalized Anxiety with an emphasis on social anxiety.  See a therapist STAT!  You do not want this to carry on into your adult life.  I also used to be very mean to my loved ones but its you being guilty about something very irrational. Trust me on this one, I know odd coming from someone you don't know. Call and make a therapist appointment this week. Print out this list and bring it with you. No need to cut corners.  It may also seem like they aren't addressing what you want to talk about, but in reality some therapists want to sort of tackle the past, but then move forward.  Seems to me like a lot has happened in your past (emotionally), which is causing the social fears.

I hope this helps you.
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