Earliest appointment I could get was next Tuesday, I spoke to a friend about it who seems to think I could have bipolar and i took an online mental health test which said my chances for bipolar where extremely high, but i guess il find that out on Tuesday, thanks for your advice
Get yourself to a therapist. No shame or harm done in it at all. I've been in therapy for years, and I'm only 26.
Sounds to me #1 your anxiety is genetic. #2 Social phobias and irrational phobias. Never base your life on what another person can do for you (boyfriend thing). Always rely on yourself. Believe it or not, you are fully capable. "No, I'm scared of my own shadow", you may say. But seriously, deep down you would have never secretly asked for help if you didn't know that you truly deserved it!
I would say you have Generalized Anxiety with an emphasis on social anxiety. See a therapist STAT! You do not want this to carry on into your adult life. I also used to be very mean to my loved ones but its you being guilty about something very irrational. Trust me on this one, I know odd coming from someone you don't know. Call and make a therapist appointment this week. Print out this list and bring it with you. No need to cut corners. It may also seem like they aren't addressing what you want to talk about, but in reality some therapists want to sort of tackle the past, but then move forward. Seems to me like a lot has happened in your past (emotionally), which is causing the social fears.
I hope this helps you.