I have suffered from many things that have come up recently due to things I have experienced since I was a child. My life experiences have produced depression, severe anxiety/panic, and some form of an OCD disorder. Since I was diagnosed 4 years ago, I have been on 15mg of Remeron (antidepressant), 0.5mg 3x day of Klonopin, and I am also being seen by a professional and I am in counseling. Since my husband and I wanted to start trying for a baby I slowly weaned myself off the Remeron and Klonopin and in both tries I relapsed.
In attempts to try safer medications instead of not taking any, we found out that we are pregnant. I did not have time to get on something different because the pregnancy was unplanned. I saw my OB when I was 6wks and he told me to stay on the Remeron due to the low risk but to get off the Klonopin. I stated to wean off, it was hard but I was doing it.
I went to see him again when I was 8 wks and he then said to get off both the Remeron and Klonopin. He then referred me to a neonatal specialist and bombarded me about everything that could go wrong, and even asked if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy which was a def NO. At that point I was off the Klonopin and started to wean off the Remeron. Well, a few days later I relapsed really bad. The typical anxiety driven situation: no sleep, nausea, vomiting, panic attacks, loss of appetite, irrational thoughts, feeling of losing control, or that something really bad will happen, etc. I then decided to take the Remeron again and the Klonopin only as needed. I did that the day I relapsed and the next day I was already doing much better. I called my OB and told him what happened and he said to get back on Remeron but not the Klonopin and then see what the Specialist advises me. Since then he has referred me to a specialist that will provide us with genetic counseling and specialized sonograms to check the baby for birth defects.
I am almost 12 weeks pregnant now and scared to death. My anxiety is manageable some days and some days it is not. I haven't taken the Klonopin since my relapse but feel myself falling back into that cycle. I'm afraid on the effects of the meds on the baby and could not handle if something caused harm that I took. I really need reassurance from women who are in my shoes or who have been. I pray desperately every day and feel that is the only thing that gets me by. My husband is extremely supportive and understanding and has helped me as well. I just feel like there is no doctor out there that understands my situation and I feel like they cannot help me with this condition during my pregnancy. My depression and anxiety/panic disorder was being managed well before the pregnancy but I feel like I am back to square one. Can you provide me with prayers, support, positive advise, or testimonials, which would be greatly appreciated?