A simple case I think.

[langsyd]

Hi, a few months back I had a HIV scare which turned out to be nothing.
Tested after 90 days and got the all clear. Although a week ago, I received a massage with a happy ending.
The lady was fully clothed and no other activities took place. Which is no risk for STD's or HIV.

I keep revisiting the awful and very stressful feeling of the 3 month wait to get the all clear and try to keep telling myself that it was no risk, but here I am posting this question.

I feel a tad guilty but I have had these massages before with no anxiety attached afterwards.

I know I am healthy but cant seem to lock it into my head.

These are my thoughts.

Thanks in advance.

[langsyd]

Your amazing and I guess because of the guilt factor, at times I think I am reliving the three month window period like I did not so long ago, which is an unnecessary exercise because of no risk being attached to an erotic massage in my case anyway. I will stay away from them, knowing I will have trouble getting over it.

I really appreciate your response and i think maybe sitting with my GP or a counselor will do the trick plus re-reading your response.

Thanks again.

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome!

Most of this kind of anxiety is centered around the guilt that is involved with these kinds of situations.  You seem to already know that you weren't at risk for HIV...but your brain isn't getting the message.  That's anxiety for you.  You are "what iffing" yourself and worrying despite the facts that you know you are safe.  "What IF this was really a risk?"..."What IF I'll be the first person ever to get HIV from this kind of exposure?"..."What IF the test was wrong?"...

I would recommend testing if that's all you needed to help you move forward, but considering you've already been in a similar situation and still find yourself unable to convince yourself that you're okay...I think perhaps it would be a good idea to start looking into addressing the anxiety with your doctor.  A lot of times therapy is all that it takes to help someone be able to move on after an anxiety producing event such as this.

Also, while you are certainly not placing yourself at risk with these kinds of activities, I would advise that you steer clear of these situations until you can get the anxiety under control.  Each time you put yourself in this situation at this point, you are only re-triggering the initial anxiety about HIV.

This is a pretty common occurence, and it's okay to need help with this.  Anxiety is anxiety regardless of what our fears are.  Anxiety is normal emotional response to stressful situations, but when it becomes disproportionate to the actual stressor and the fear is irrational, it is time to ask for help from the professionals!

Very best of luck...we're here if you need us.