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Agoraphobia and housebound
This is something I have been interested in discussing on this forum. I'm just wondering how many of us are agoraphobic and to what extent. I know that I am and fight it all the time but make sure that I do leave my home most days. I have a very dear friend who hasn't left her home in almost 7 years. She has had all kinds of therapy and has tried SSRIs and other meds but is now VERY meds phobic and even with the CBT she finally gave up and just stays home. I'm wondering if there are others on this forum who are like her or are the majority like me. I wish there was something I can do to help her but she is just plain scared to leave her house. She has tried on occasion and has had some success but very minimal and therefore doesn't leave home. We don't even discuss it that much anymore. Our discussions are about everything but... I have to say that she is a perfect example of someone who would benefit from more CBT and medication because she definitely doesn't have any depression, she just has GAD with panic. I would love to know who on this board has agoraphobia and if they have been housebound or are still housebound and how they are dealing with it.
You've posed and interesting comment...if a person is completely housebound and say has young children...one of the children cuts him/herself badly (a life-threatening sort of way), they live out in the middle of nowhere and there are no neighbours home or a partner around. Does this make the agoraphobic parent act and drive the child to the nearest hospital or does he/she just sit there doing what he/she can for the child and watch the child bleed out? My feeling is that something that horrendous would cause the agoraphobic to act, but does that mean that the comfort space will move with them. I think in some cases it would, just because the children or child would be with the parent which in itself is a comfort factor and the sense of responsibility for a child's life becomes the central issue rather than whether you've been housebound for years or not. The instinct to care for a child, I think would be stronger than that of the agoraphobia. Not to say that the agoraphobic in question wouldn't have a few panic attacks on the way to the hospital and while there, but the fact that the attention would be focused on the hurt child. Would this one incident then make it easier for the agoraphobic to venture out of his/her home again, I don't know. But, it may make him/her more interested in pursuing it knowing that it was possible under the worst situation.
This doesn't quite hit on the initial comment about transferring safe spaces but I can tell you what happened in my situation a few years back when I was on medication for GAD and panic, different meds that I am on now and I was dealing with matters fairly well, but my boundaries were not as broad as they are now.
I have a very special older daughter who happens to have cerebral palsy, epilepsy and is developmentally delayed. She needed dental work (root canals) and to do that she need it to be done in a hospital and under sedation. Both my husband and I took her there (not my favourite place to go but, it's my daughter and her needs came over mine). She had the procedures done and they very nicely allowed us in the recovery room because of her special situation. While in there, and after the anesthetist has already gone home, my daughter starts to have a seizure. I call the nurse over and while we were consulting about it, she has another seizure...the doctor's come in....she has another seizure. Now everybody is there and she gets wheeled down to emergency and is taken immediately. I am allowed to stay with her. To make a very long story short, she ends up in intensive care after having had over thirty seizures, is hooked up with every tube you can imagine and is in and out of consciousness. During this whole situation, not once did I think of my agoraphobic self...even when I felt some panic...I was able to squelch it down because there could only be one patient in that room and I knew what I had wouldn't kill me, but I wasn't so sure about my daughter. She stayed in intensive care for 5 days, not speaking, hooked up to tubs and everyday, I got up in the morning drove to the hospital and stayed with her all day and night until I could hardly keep my eyes open. Was I anxious, you bet, did I take ativan, absolutely, did I transfer my safe place to that intensive care unit, you bet your butt I did! So, in my case transferring even in a sticky situation can happen and I think it could for someone housebound too if they were put into a position like I was.
By the way, this all happened the week before Christmas and on the fourth night, we were sitting at her bedside worried that there had been no progress and just about to leave when all of a sudden, we heard her quietly sing, "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year". At that point, I knew she was out of the woods and life was good again. Just to relay this story to you is heart wrenching for me to bring back those memories, but it is worth telling on this subject because it shows that in certain circumstances, we can be tough and even out of our comfort zone can find a way to make a safe space. Mind you I lost 10 lbs. in the process but managed to put it all back on at Christmas with having my daughter and all my immediate family around me.
This doesn't quite hit on the initial comment about transferring safe spaces but I can tell you what happened in my situation a few years back when I was on medication for GAD and panic, different meds that I am on now and I was dealing with matters fairly well, but my boundaries were not as broad as they are now.
I have a very special older daughter who happens to have cerebral palsy, epilepsy and is developmentally delayed. She needed dental work (root canals) and to do that she need it to be done in a hospital and under sedation. Both my husband and I took her there (not my favourite place to go but, it's my daughter and her needs came over mine). She had the procedures done and they very nicely allowed us in the recovery room because of her special situation. While in there, and after the anesthetist has already gone home, my daughter starts to have a seizure. I call the nurse over and while we were consulting about it, she has another seizure...the doctor's come in....she has another seizure. Now everybody is there and she gets wheeled down to emergency and is taken immediately. I am allowed to stay with her. To make a very long story short, she ends up in intensive care after having had over thirty seizures, is hooked up with every tube you can imagine and is in and out of consciousness. During this whole situation, not once did I think of my agoraphobic self...even when I felt some panic...I was able to squelch it down because there could only be one patient in that room and I knew what I had wouldn't kill me, but I wasn't so sure about my daughter. She stayed in intensive care for 5 days, not speaking, hooked up to tubs and everyday, I got up in the morning drove to the hospital and stayed with her all day and night until I could hardly keep my eyes open. Was I anxious, you bet, did I take ativan, absolutely, did I transfer my safe place to that intensive care unit, you bet your butt I did! So, in my case transferring even in a sticky situation can happen and I think it could for someone housebound too if they were put into a position like I was.
By the way, this all happened the week before Christmas and on the fourth night, we were sitting at her bedside worried that there had been no progress and just about to leave when all of a sudden, we heard her quietly sing, "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year". At that point, I knew she was out of the woods and life was good again. Just to relay this story to you is heart wrenching for me to bring back those memories, but it is worth telling on this subject because it shows that in certain circumstances, we can be tough and even out of our comfort zone can find a way to make a safe space. Mind you I lost 10 lbs. in the process but managed to put it all back on at Christmas with having my daughter and all my immediate family around me.
Sometimes there is a thread that is so rich, so good, so full of stuff we really need to think about -that I wish it would be a forum all to itself. This is one of those. Almost 100 conversations and still in the "top 40" as it were. Very clearly, the contributors have experienced changes because of what they have read and written here -and that includes the humorous side-bars about the convention of agoraphobics.
The truth? The truth is that EVERYONE has boundaries, somewhere. And all the boundaries, I think, are really psychological when you get to the bottom of it. I have no problem hopping in my car (except for the cost of gas) and going anywhere; I can weave my way through the DC beltway traffic. But would I ever do sky-diving? I doubt it. And the sky diving is safer than the DC beltway. For that matter, the darkest alleys in SE DC are safer than the beltway. For that matter, Sadr City is safer than the beltway, come to think of it.
And so, if a I draw a red line that traces out my boundaries, it would form a sort of "lasso" that defines my safe space, and as I move about, it moves about with me. Put me in a place where the only way to get around is by parachute and guess what, I'm house-bound! I'm not making a joke here. One of our topics had to do with what "home" really is -and as it turns out, it is not so much defined by a physical residence as it is a "sense" of space that surrounds us, because, as nearly all have said, they could, in fact, find some degree of solitude in a hotel room or perhaps the home of a friend or relative, or a summer cottage or vacation get-away. And so, if the space moves with us, then it follows that the space itself is defined by our brain, our psychology, to contour itself to the external reality as we perceive it. And it therefore follows, as well, that the expansion of the boundaries also lies within the capacity of our thinking, our sense of "safe space." And in virtually all cases, the actual safe space as revealed upon questioning is greater than that which is initially reported.
Comments?
The truth? The truth is that EVERYONE has boundaries, somewhere. And all the boundaries, I think, are really psychological when you get to the bottom of it. I have no problem hopping in my car (except for the cost of gas) and going anywhere; I can weave my way through the DC beltway traffic. But would I ever do sky-diving? I doubt it. And the sky diving is safer than the DC beltway. For that matter, the darkest alleys in SE DC are safer than the beltway. For that matter, Sadr City is safer than the beltway, come to think of it.
And so, if a I draw a red line that traces out my boundaries, it would form a sort of "lasso" that defines my safe space, and as I move about, it moves about with me. Put me in a place where the only way to get around is by parachute and guess what, I'm house-bound! I'm not making a joke here. One of our topics had to do with what "home" really is -and as it turns out, it is not so much defined by a physical residence as it is a "sense" of space that surrounds us, because, as nearly all have said, they could, in fact, find some degree of solitude in a hotel room or perhaps the home of a friend or relative, or a summer cottage or vacation get-away. And so, if the space moves with us, then it follows that the space itself is defined by our brain, our psychology, to contour itself to the external reality as we perceive it. And it therefore follows, as well, that the expansion of the boundaries also lies within the capacity of our thinking, our sense of "safe space." And in virtually all cases, the actual safe space as revealed upon questioning is greater than that which is initially reported.
Comments?
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It was horrible...I mean it. I had many anxiety attacks on the trip and felt nauseous most of the time. I did have some fun too. (believe it or not)...but no matter what...I didn't die....I didn't have to be hospitalized...I didn't pass out......I MADE IT THROUGH. And that is what I needed to experience...to do it even though it was hard. I have gotten much better through the years, however, I still do suffer at times. But I say to myself that if I didn't push through it, I would never have had my daughter who was adopted from China! I had to take a 17 hour plane ride for her...AND I MADE IT THROUGH.
Somewhere along the line, your post didn't get a response and I feel it really deserves one. You showed how under extremely high anxiety and panic, you came through it and at the very least, learned that you could do it! This is important! If it hadn't been for your determination at that point in your life, you wouldn't have been able to take that 17 hour flight to adopt your daughter. This is a perfect example of determination and strength. We sometimes forget that because we have this disorder that we do have strength when we really need it.
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My point to this story is, you have to face your fear, when you do everything for the agorophobic, you are being an "enabler". I still have difficulty driving far distances now with my daughter (unless my husband is with me). But I plan visits to friends that are far distances and I do it anyway. I can't let it overtake me....because it would be very easy to fall into that trap...way to easy. You have to force yourself, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Baby steps will take you far!
I completely agree! It all starts with baby steps and determination to not let yourself become a victim. We aren't victim's here, we are stronger than that. We want freedom from this and we deserve it, but the only way we are going to be able to control it is if we really want it badly enough to do the work required to get there.
It was horrible...I mean it. I had many anxiety attacks on the trip and felt nauseous most of the time. I did have some fun too. (believe it or not)...but no matter what...I didn't die....I didn't have to be hospitalized...I didn't pass out......I MADE IT THROUGH. And that is what I needed to experience...to do it even though it was hard. I have gotten much better through the years, however, I still do suffer at times. But I say to myself that if I didn't push through it, I would never have had my daughter who was adopted from China! I had to take a 17 hour plane ride for her...AND I MADE IT THROUGH.
Somewhere along the line, your post didn't get a response and I feel it really deserves one. You showed how under extremely high anxiety and panic, you came through it and at the very least, learned that you could do it! This is important! If it hadn't been for your determination at that point in your life, you wouldn't have been able to take that 17 hour flight to adopt your daughter. This is a perfect example of determination and strength. We sometimes forget that because we have this disorder that we do have strength when we really need it.
Quote:
My point to this story is, you have to face your fear, when you do everything for the agorophobic, you are being an "enabler". I still have difficulty driving far distances now with my daughter (unless my husband is with me). But I plan visits to friends that are far distances and I do it anyway. I can't let it overtake me....because it would be very easy to fall into that trap...way to easy. You have to force yourself, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Baby steps will take you far!
I completely agree! It all starts with baby steps and determination to not let yourself become a victim. We aren't victim's here, we are stronger than that. We want freedom from this and we deserve it, but the only way we are going to be able to control it is if we really want it badly enough to do the work required to get there.
I have just done something I have been wanting to do for a very long time! This is an example of an agoraphobic pushing herself I have wanted a bike for many years and haven't had the guts to even walk into the bicycle store to look at them. I'm 55 years young and haven't ridden a bike for at least 40 years. I live in a large city but we are very lucky that we have a lot of park land around and right outside my door is a groomed path for people to walk their dogs, ride bikes, or just stroll. Everyday I take my dog on this path and I see all these people on bikes and wish that I could do the same. Well this morning I walked over to the bike store and rode home on my new bike! Was I nervous? At first I thought I might have a panic attack but what I realized was that I was more excited than anxious. Mind you I was a little anxious when I had to ride it home, remember I live in the city...cars everywhere! But I managed and instead of going directly home, I went on the path and through the cemetery which is always quiet (lol) and then home. It was scary but exhilarating and somewhat freeing. I just wanted to share that with everyone because it was such a big step for me after all these years of wanting it...I finally got it! By the way, you know what they say that you never forget how to ride a bike, well I wasn't so sure they were right about that at first but it did come back and with more practice I'm sure I will get even better at it.
I've been watching and sometimes commenting on this thread but one thing you wrote really struck me. You said:
"I honestly don't think it's the harm medications can cause people, but how a doctor handles a patient having a hard time on medications. I think that was the case with me, once medication had done harm to me, the doc was like whoopy doo. So it's hard for me to take medications now, with no confidence in doctors."
My dr is exactly like the one you describe. She has arbitrarily cut back my meds and they aren't even tranquilizers or anti-depressants or mind-altering meds at all. They were meds I took to control BP. She doesn't listen to me or even see me as a person so now I have to go back to her since my BP has increased. I don't trust drs either.
Like you I have a lot of drug allergies which I think is the body's way of telling the brain that the drug(s) we are taking aren't beneficial.
It wouldn't offend me (can't speak for anyone else) if you said negative things about meds. It might open my eyes to something I've been unaware of.
Too bad we can't be treated in a holistic way with mind, body, emotions and spirit being taken into consideration but that's my opinion and hopefully I would not judge anyone who had a different opinion.
Looks like you have lots of support in this thread = )
lonewolf
"I honestly don't think it's the harm medications can cause people, but how a doctor handles a patient having a hard time on medications. I think that was the case with me, once medication had done harm to me, the doc was like whoopy doo. So it's hard for me to take medications now, with no confidence in doctors."
My dr is exactly like the one you describe. She has arbitrarily cut back my meds and they aren't even tranquilizers or anti-depressants or mind-altering meds at all. They were meds I took to control BP. She doesn't listen to me or even see me as a person so now I have to go back to her since my BP has increased. I don't trust drs either.
Like you I have a lot of drug allergies which I think is the body's way of telling the brain that the drug(s) we are taking aren't beneficial.
It wouldn't offend me (can't speak for anyone else) if you said negative things about meds. It might open my eyes to something I've been unaware of.
Too bad we can't be treated in a holistic way with mind, body, emotions and spirit being taken into consideration but that's my opinion and hopefully I would not judge anyone who had a different opinion.
Looks like you have lots of support in this thread = )
lonewolf
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