First, you sound like a smart kid! Let me guess you are sensitive?
Do you have any nervousness about school, I did when I was your age, and it is common.
I also use to smoke weed and it always made me insecure and nervous, but I did it any way cos that was the thing to do. It was cool and everything.
But I also played sports recreationally, like "puck on the ice" hockey and basketball. Looking back these were much more cool.
It is common, actually very common and I hear about it all the time on here and from people I know, for marijuana (weed) to cause an anxiety disorder! Actually, I had an anxiety disorder for three months from one hit of weed. Weed has become very potent, and dangerous in my opinion, but you'll be alright!! I got completely better from my anxiety episode and I was experiencing both the fear of becoming insane and fear of dying from a disease. We feel this way because anxiety symptoms are very threatening.
You clearly have anxiety. I remember getting so filled with fear and detached that I would try to find ways to cure it, like take a shower. Then I might come out of the shower more hopeless, or just as hopeless.
So I can tell you you are going to be fine and not to worry, but you should get support and reassurance from people in your life and or doctors, or some kind of therapist. Consider alternative therapists as well, as they seem to be the wiser ones :) Not always though!
But for now, really, take some deep breaths and relax. And tell your family and people you know and can trust how you feel!
I believe that this undesirable anxiety that your going through right now will make you a more beautiful person, and you'll grow from it!!
And you can write to me if you want, ask me questions and address your concerns, and I will tell you what I think, cos I have been through a lot of similar things and I am a very optimistic person.
Stay peaceful loving and positive. And don't smoke anymore!
Ash
My story is fairly similar to yours, except exchange the marijuana part for x. I had anxiety issues before that, but that drug kicked it into overdrive. I believe from my "bad trip" or whatever it was, I kinda got what I assume is PTSD. I thought that night when I took those pills I was going to die. It was the most frightening thing I've ever been through, feeling totally out of control with the knowledge that I was about to die and there was nothing I could do about it. I've since had sever panic attacks and generalized anxiety problems. It's been about 9 months since it started, and I'm still learning how to deal with it.
As far as worrying about your sanity, that has also been my biggest worry. Some people worry about their health obsessively, but I worry obsessively about going "crazy". I've been told numerous times though that just the fact that we're worried about losing control means that we aren't going crazy. People who lose touch with reality don't realize it, so they don't worry about it.
It all goes back to the fear of losing control. Maybe the night you took the drugs you felt completely out of control. It scared you enough that your reliving those feelings, maybe subconsciously. The first panic attack I had after my experience I actually felt great and had forgotten completely about the whole night. Or so I thought. Subconsciously I don't think I ever let it go.
You need to see a doctor, and look into getting some therapy. Meds help some people, they've certainly helped me, but even more so talking to someone and understanding exactly what is going on is what has helped me the most. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how horrible it is. Feel free to message me if you need to, but make sure you're taking care of yourself and get to a doctor!
hey anxiety-panic starts like that n u just got to b pasiant man i useto get freaked out too! couse i would get chills n scared n everythin but it calms down after a wile n u get kinda useto it i dnt get attacks anymore i get anxiety but u got to learn how to control it couse after it gwets in your head n u r not gana b abel to control it trust me soo calm down yourot gana go crazy depends on how u control anxiety soo have pasiants n relax i have a craz aunt shes bad she went crazy along time ago but she didnt start with all this soo its cool i thought i was gana go likeher too sence were family but am still here n am kinda useto this i just pray to god to take this away couse his the cure to everything remeber ok n dont take madication if u can control it couse those anxiety mend could make u worse dude sooo think bout it i dnt take nothing my doc gave me some anti depress n anxiety peels but i had a bad reaction soo i said pz too all that n i learn how to do this alone couse i have too kids the smalls is a 7mnth babyboy soo u can imagine its bad for me huh?... anyways keep your mind bussy n wen u think its gana come laydown n talk with some one near u about somethin that u like doing or something thatll take ur mind out of that...ooh n u should really not b drivin its really bad u could crash belive me i have a friend that has anxiet-panic too n she was havingf one in the car n she was drivin of road men she gotme scared at the end she said that i should of let her die n NO justy try not to go into depression couse u can have suiced thoughts just take it easy ok i know its bad i go thruw it everyday all the time but there is god pray to him.........
I would recommend, at this point, to seeing a good therapist. You've had an alteration in how you are thinking due to the traumatic feeling of that initial panic attack. You have to train your mind to act the way it did before the attack.
I'm not an expert, but I suffer from severe anxiety as well, and panic attacks are something that can be controlled if you have the right toolset. It still ***** but it's not nearly as bad as long as you train yourself to think positive rather than negative.
Do you have insurance or access to an affordable mental health expert?
Also I would recommend avoiding weed while you're undergoing therapy.
Mike