I DID try really, really hard not to respond, as you requested, but because I am so beautiful myself, I want the attention.
I am using the same paragraph that nursegirl also wanted to address because I hear in your words just a wee bit of anger.
" my cognitive therapist (an OCD/anxiety specialist) would tell me that I ought to not think about what "should" and "should not" be, and what is and is not "fair," and that I definitely shouldn't counter my feelings with all this esoteric nonsense."
I'm finding that I like your therapist quite a bit.
To obsess on those things that "should" or "should not" be, and what is "fair" and what is "not fair" is incredibly shrewd in it's simplicity.
I can't help but wonder if in your younger years, someone actually told you that "life was fair." And that you still, sadly, believe that's true.
But his best observation, his most profound advice and what I believe is the crux of your crankiness is his excellent statement........
" and that I definitely shouldn't counter my feelings with all this esoteric nonsense." (I personally would have used a more descriptive word than "nonesense," bur this IS a family forum.)
Talk about hittin' the ole nail on the head...........
HOWEVER, the big fat question remains the same. Why the hell should this beautiful girl get all the attention in the world simply because of the way she looks, and why should I facilitate her in getting that attention.
Oops, I wanted to address something you said, and you may not accept this, because this seems to be a source of struggle for you in your thinking:
Why the hell should this beautiful girl get all the attention in the world simply because of the way she looks, and why should I facilitate her in getting that attention.
For one, because that's just the way the world works. But, as far as getting all of the attention? That's NOT true at all. There is someone for everyone. People with less attractive looks find love and friendship in people too, just perhaps different people than the pretty girl finds herself around. As far as immediate, head turning attention? The pretty girl will get it every time. That's just human nature!
I DO think you are way overthinking this. If you like her, you like her. It's too early in your relationship to wonder WHY you like her. ONe of the reasons you DO is because she is pretty, and that's fine. As you get to know her better, you can determine if there is more about her that you like, or if there isn't. That's pretty much as simple as it gets.
I'm glad you're working with a therapist to help you through these thoughts. They are obviously bothersome to you.
Honestly, with all due respect, it sounds a lot more like philosophy rather than psychology.
I have a sneaking suspicion that lydia may have been on to something with the OCD comment? Is that about right? Because unless you have developed obsessive like thinking about this stuff, or compulsions to help with anxiety, I just honestly see it as deep thinking.
Like lydia said, if you could elaborate a bit more, we may be able to help you better. Are you actually anxious? Is your anxiety severe, does it occur every day? Does it interfere with your life? Have you ever had a panic attack? Do thede thoughts cause anxiety for you?
Can you tell us what these things are that prevent you from simply accepting your feelings?
Nursegirl also asked some important questions that would help us help you better..........if you could respond to those, that would be great.
The issue that I am dealing with is the strong belief that my affinity for this chick is grounded in her external faculties. This girl is absolutely gorgeous; she's been modeling with Elite since high school. Now, the first thing that comes to mind is: how often does her beauty interfere with the way people perceive her. More importantly, how does her beauty interfere with the way I perceive her. I already know (I think) many of her faults: pride, naivety, and self-centeredness being the most readily apparent. So, why the fudge should I so readily forgive her for these failings when I would no doubt immediately dismiss a less attractive chick before even the hearing the first thing she has to say to me. That's not right, and it's not fair; HOWEVER, fairness is a human creation. And conversely, why should pretty girls be punished because they are pretty; obviously that's what I'm doing. I've never thought twice about over-looking some less attractive person's failings. And then I come to think about how unfair and unjust I am; and about how I have to go on medhelp and write a bunch of confusing posts for people to read and comment on because I'm so confused and incapable of thinking through this dilemma on my own.
In other words, my cognitive therapist (an OCD/anxiety specialist) would tell me that I ought to not think about what "should" and "should not" be, and what is and is not "fair," and that I definitely shouldn't counter my feelings with all this esoteric nonsense. HOWEVER, the big fat question remains the same. Why the hell should this beautiful girl get all the attention in the world simply because of the way she looks, and why should I facilitate her in getting that attention.
On the other hand, I just posted my fifth post in medhelp on the subject of "her," so it would appear as though I already have facilitated in giving her attention.
If this still doesn't make sense, please don't respond. I'd rather be written off as a nut than have to read another post questioning what my problem really is.
Don't worry, you definitely helped. You'd think just accepting the way you feel would be easier, but there are several things between me and doing that.
I'm sort of left scratching my head like greenlydia.
......" My relationship with this girl is important to me (duh), but it's definitely not my major concern, by far."
Ok, if it is not your major concern, then what other issues are you dealing with? Are there other issues in your life you are struggling with? Why do you see a therapist, and how long have you been going to therapy? have you been diagnosed with a certain condition (anxiety related? depression?). Also, how old are you?
If you can elaborate a bit, maybe we'll be able to help you a bit better!
OK, we'll try this again.
You've written, and I quote............"The problem is that I can't take the time to just accept the way I feel for her......"
If this IS the problem, then I'm a little confused. If you find this young woman attractive, if you like being around her, if you have fun together, why all the weighty, deep pondering about your feelings? WHY we feel a certain way towards someone is, in my humble opinion, out of our control, it just is and it shouldn't matter, just as you've said. If you like her, why would you want to "attack" your feelings? What is stopping you from simply looking inside yourself and accepting whatever feelings you have for this young woman?
Looking at what you wrote at the start of this post describing "what the problem is," and your ending statement that......" My relationship with this girl is important to me (duh), but it's definitely not my major concern, by far."
You've lost me totally, so hopefully someone else will come along and be able to "see" the question you are asking.
Sorry to have been no help at all.
I understand why you can see this as a problem with relationship, but the problem is with me. I've talked through this a thousand times with my therapist, and we've concluded that she probably has the hots for me, but that's not the problem. The problem is that I can't take the time to just accept the way I feel for her. Why we feel a certain way shouldn't be what's important; at least, I don't think it should be. I mean, it doesn't really matter. You can logically attack a feeling from a thousand different angles, but you'll still feel the same way. Anyway, that's what he's told me; but, as I'm sure you can imagine, it's a lot harder to put in practice than otherwise. Anyway, I'll be sure to clarify on future posts. My relationship with this girl is important to me (duh), but it's definitely not my major concern, by far.
Thanks, hopefully I just won't fail to keep being honest with myself. Glad you've found a way to cope; you sound like a really caring girlfriend.
Over analysing EVERYTHING in our lives can be indicative of an OCD like behavior. You, apparently, are only concerned with your feelings towards your girlfriend.
Many of us at your age did the same things in regards to relationships and I think that's just human nature. We were young, insecure, lacked confidence and experience. It's why teen-agers have so much angst in their lives.
I can understand the frustration of not being able to stop second-guessing yourself, but I don't really see this as an anxiety related problem, but more of a relationship issue. I think you should try posting in the Relationship Forum before we look at possible anxiety/panic/depression issues.
i analyse everything i think, my obsessive subconscious thoughts and my normal thoughts, i analyse my love for people, my own boyfriend especially if i find someone else attractive. its the most frustrating thing ever! but iknow deep down i love him,my family and my pets, everyone close to me. the analysing questioning thoughts dont all seem real to me, because i have to keep reminding myself 'of coarse i love them'
i think with you its just the anxiety making you anxious about this girl, yes your obviously attracted to her prettiness, its human nature :) just think about all her qualities, then the good thoughts should come naturally :)