Anxiety about HIV

[worriedmikey]

To sum everything up in a not so long story:

I'm a 19yo gay male, and I have so much anxiety about HIV it's not even funny.  I've had this anxiety for a few years now, and the only real thing I can trace it back to is that when I came out to my family, my parents told me (on top of many other things) that they didn't want me to die of AIDS.  Ever since then, it seemed as though everywhere I looked, it had something to do with AIDS--ranging from the "HIV Stops With Me"  posters on the subway, to the billboards I would see outside.  I felt like everywhere HIV/AIDS was following me.  I even went online to find advice on how to tell my family that I'm HIV positive.

I would spend nights (and sometimes fall back into these fits, as I have int he past few nights) researching everything I could about HIV/AIDS.  For those who aren't too aware about HIV transmission, the only ways it can really happen are through unprotected anal/vaginal intercourse, IV drug use, and mother-to-child.  The oral issue is a "debate" for some still, but studies have shown that the chances are so low (or non-existent) that it is a negligible risk.  It is mostly the oral sex incidents that I worry about.  Mind you, I have been tested four times in my life and they have always been negative, but I just had an oral sex experience the other day that has been making me have a lot of anxiety during the past few days.  I tend to consume my mind with the what-if scenarios: What if he has HIV?  Then on TOP of that, what IF I'm the 1/10,000 statistic (this statistic describes the chances you would acquire HIV from having oral sex with an HIV-positive male, and many experts think this statistic is too high).  

The bottom line is, I know that the man who I recently had an "experience" with is most likely negative, and that when you pile the "what ifs" on top of each other, obviously you will get a crazy result.  But why do I still worry?  Is anyone else in this same situation?  It literally drives me crazy sometimes.  

[suzi-q]

There is a difference between a healthy concern and true fear.  HIV is a fear that many have that gets totally out of control.  If you look in the archives of this forum you will see MANY people who have overwhelming anxiety about HIV.

The only advice I can give is to get tested.  DO IT!  Then make sure you practice safe-sex with your partner.  I don't like to preach about monogomy, but I feel that will also shorten the chances of contacting this or any disease.  One partner and testing done first.  This way you won't have to worry.  Random sex is just asking for an STD.  

[CG822]

Hi,

I am a female and I too have the HIV anxiety...It would be far too easy for us to go get a test for peace of mind!  You just have to put your anxiety in control, I had it sooooo badly, I would have an anxiety attack every hour on the dot.  I did it to myself.  You do it to yourself!  You can control it...it takes time.  I promise IT gets better, I remember all too well being where u are.  I promise it will get better.  Int he mean time, be safe.  I didnt have an exposure and I was convinced I did.  I told myself I did and I believed myself!

You dont always have to believe everything you think and you have no real reason that is rational to think that way!